How To Escape A One Night Stand:

#LikeAGirl #Unstoppable

It’s that time again… SUMMER BOOBS:

the blind leading the blind (part 137):

bret-easton-ellis-kanye-west

 

1. don’t treat people like a priority who treat you like an option.

 

2. use your most humiliating, shameful experiences in your work OR throw yourself into work to distract yourself from thinking about your insanely embarrassing experience. that’s what I’M doing right now.

 

3. if he gives you a urinary tract infection… he’s a keeper!

 

4. its interesting to me. if you care or THINK you care about a friend of yours and feel the need to defend them, as though it’s your responsibility to make your presence and the ‘threat of you’ known if someone were to ‘fuck’ with your friend, take a moment to consider that that might come off as more insulting to your friend and the person in their life, than helpful. maybe worry about yourself, join alanon, or just not have such a huge ego that you feel threatened/the need be the center of attention or the savior. when you enmesh yourself in a couple’s relationship and cause a problem that never existed, how does that make you a friend? give your ‘friend’ the benefit of the doubt that they can take care of themselves and aren’t weak/incapable.  maybe you should focus on your own problems. of which there are plenty, i’m sure.

 

5. use ‘i am a ghost’ as your new  mantra. the other night i was feeling very moody, alone, misunderstood, and judged while amongst my closest friends – during what was disguised as a fun night out on the town (albeit forced). in order to get over my sensitive, moody moment, I thought to myself “I am a ghost” as if I were already dead / not here anymore, so nothing really matters anyways and shouldn’t be taken so seriously.

 

6. look around you. actually look at and acknowledge all the people doing the jobs you would NEVER even want to CONSIDER doing. notice how gracefully they do those jobs. notice that, and be grateful for all you have and try, just TRY to be empathetic and loving towards those trying to earn money and survive the best they can. push your ego aside and be nice and not so fucking judgemental, if only for a moment. if only because you’re glad it’s not YOU.

 

7. hey, if you’re too poor to afford a REAL leather jacket or purse – get a fake one at forever 21 and tell your friends it’s cuz you love animals. they don’t have to know you don’t. they’ll just be happy you don’t like little kids. the little kids in the sweatshop who made your designer imposter clutch. you’re welcome. i want you to FASHIONABLY FLOURISH.

 

8. you’re racist. you think you aren’t, but you are. it’s disgusting.

 

9. just because your father made you, doesn’t mean he’s NOT a toxic piece of projecting shit that you should cut out of your life. cut that piece of shit mother fucker out of your life. i mean, that’s what i did. but, like, we’re all different. if this is not the case for you… can i come over to YOUR house for thanksgiving? i eat meat, love kids, and have a real leather purse.

 

10. i don’t care what everyone ELSE says about you, I love you.

Alexi In Bed with Silicon Valley’s Thomas Middleditch (The FULL Interview UNCUT) :

The Meaning Of Life According To Thomas Middleditch of HBO’s Silicon Valley:

Breaking Up With Thomas Middleditch

I SPEAK AT HIGH SCHOOLS! want me to speak at YOUR school? comment below/message me…

Short Film Series :

Alexi’s Guide To First Dates:



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