wow, if only EVERY day could be this AWESOME! i wake up and all of a sudden my skinniest jeans are too big on me. my nipples are hard ALL day AND my boobs don’t even need a bra! my skin is clear and glowing, without even an inkling of a monster cystic acne zit lurking just below surface.
it’s every thing’s FREE day at ALL the American apparels AND Chanel’s in the world!
the suN is shining, but I’m NOT sweating. the possibility of a sweat stain under my arms in my 50 cotton 50 poly grey deep v- is NON EXISTENT!
I’m happy- with absolutely NO bullshit rap to whine about to my shrink! I’m genuinely happy and content. i feel calm and thankful and centered and loved, with a real excitement for life. I’m inspired by EVERYTHING! NOT ONLY THAT, but i have the momentum and energy to follow through with all the plans and ideas I’m having! wowzers!!!
when i check my bank balance, i notice i have over a million dollars in it AND someone has somehow put a percentage of my money in Cd’s AND mutual funds.
the headline of every paper reads, “no more aids OR cancer!” aids isn’t here anymore! no way?! so rad!
my phone is filling with texts and ringing off the hook- i guess we don’t HAVE hooks anymore, cuz everyone only has mobile phones now. but you get what i’m saying. it’s benicio del torro. he wants to take me on a date to the arclight (the one in Hollywood, NOT the valley)! shit, that sounds fun, but Brian grazer wants to go on a platonic hike with me in Malibu to take me under his wing and teach me how to be a power house producer/the president of show biz! i choose the latter- cuz that’ll change my life and has awesome staying power potential!
oh, wait, hold up- johnny depp called to say that I’m beautiful, deeply talented and if he wasn’t already in love with vanessa paradis, he’d have sex with me in an instant…. and might even consider being my boyfriend. oh well. you win some, you lose some. sometimes it’s an honor JUST to be nominated.
I’m off to lunch with all my friends (a handful of stylish, fun people. we make each other laugh and there is nothing but love and mutual respect between us!) in my scion TURNED 2012 prius! HOLLAH!!! it’s such a smooth quiet ride, i had no idea!
we’re trying a new restaurant that only serves peperoni pizza that makes you thin! why didn’t someone think of this sooner?!
Obama texts me while I’m at lunch for some advice on what to do with the senate, blah blah blah. but I’m all like “Obama, take it down a notch! you’re the man! only you have the answers! i believe in you! now it’s up to you to believe in yourself!”
instead of the bill, the waiter hands me and all my friends first class tickets to England, France, Germany, and Italy….decisions decisions!!! (to be continued)