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SO, LET ME BE PERFECTLY CLEAR: I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO LET A GUY FRIEND OF MINE WRITE A BLOG POST FOR ME- PRETENDING TO BE ME AND GET INTO THE DEEP CREVICES OF MY MIND. I WATCHED HIM WHILE HE TYPED.  I COULD TELL THAT HE WAS SUPER INTO IT. THIS WASN’T A JOKE. HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS. REALLY TRYING TO EMBODY ME. THIS IS WHAT HE CAME UP WITH:

Soooooooo, basically I just went through one of the most life changing experiences of my entire life EVER!. No i didn’t make out with Vincent Gallo (yet!) No I didn’t have an abortion, if you thought I did y’all obvi haven’t been reading my prior posts, and no I did not just win a prize during a live Ellen taping. But I just totally up and moved house like MD. I don’t care who tries to tell you you cant move all your shit from point A to point B with a little help (thanks Mike)- they are naysayers!

Not only did my stuff get moved; it was sorted , stacked , prioritized, and all put in it’s right place- predetermined by yours truly. And I have more crap than someone with, like, alot of stuff. Like J.Lo Louis trunks full of crapola. Actually my stuff is more like AHA-Mazing quality books, movies, photographs and soft clothing. Moving is central to being a functional human being. if  we did not move, we would all end up like Charlie from the chocolate factories bedridden grandparents! It can give you a totally new perspective on life in general and it always changes the view. I’m so much closer to all the things I Love about LA now! But I wonder: will I still appreciate them as much now that I’m so close? Its like when you move in with a BF and you wake up and you are all like “Who the hell are you?”

Choosing the right surroundings will always shape your attitude and demeanor. Someone once told me “No peace in your home, no peace in your life” that person is dead now. NO wait JK, JK! But for cereals, like why the eff do people continue to live in squalor? It’s not that hard to clean the dishes and make the bed. (Boys this means you) It is your presentation of yourself that people see and react too. There’s not some mystical colored chakra vibes surrounding you and I don’t care what your Yoga instructor says- he’s trying to get into your stretchy American Apparel leggings.

Putting the key into this new dwelling of mine and exploring this new area is like having a brand new boyfriend. everything is new and exiting! Except that is, for the parking sitch! But whatevs, I don’t like people coming over anywaysies, it’s called MY HOUSE for a reason (not referring to lame uber Miami style club). Which leads me to another epidemic I have noticed, there IS a difference between a friend and a room mate. Keep this relationship defined, I’ve gone to someones house where there are literally 3 people living in the living room. I know, embarrassing, but it was a long time ago. I know they call it a “living room” but don’t take everything all literal all the time! sheesh. It is not rude to tell someone they cannot stay over, even in this economy!

So, bottom line, I am happy with this change. it will no doubt lead to better, funnier, more offensive, more helpful, more insightful and more thought provoking blog posts. See you in your hood soonsies… XO ME.


13 Responses to “who wrote this?”

  1. hhahah your friend should start a blog.
    ERB


  2. cute

    this is very true–>> Choosing the right surroundings will always shape your attitude and demeanor.


  3. seems like a compilation. I must have written this second to last paragraph somehow without knowing because i have been talking about MY HOUSE and using the phrase “in this economy” soooo much the last few weeks. altho, i’m thinking of starting a club called My Mom’s House. what do you think? this person is a kindred spirit of mine.


  4. ALEXI! Why the ghost writer intro?
    I would have liked to have judged how well I know you by reading that and thinking, WAIT a minute, is Alexi okay? She NEEEEEVER uses that type of slang…..anyways. ..miss you. xo

    ps.. CHARLIE?


  5. I actually liked this, maybe you should have him feature every now and then


  6. Brilliant. He nailed you. (No pun intended. Unless…)


  7. Sounds WAY too valley girl. YOu walk a perfect line between So. Cal slang, and smart…..His doesn’t come across that way. Sounds like a 13 year old, while your writing sounds like you.


  8. Hahaha did Mike Piscitelli write this? xoxo


  9. that was coolio iglesias but if u do that next time please put the disclaimer on the bottom. So whilst i read it I can think its you.


  10. hahah i genuinely enjoyed reading that


  11. wow, your friend thinks you’re a ditz


  12. This sounds like Ned “Boner” Hepburn. Plus, you guys were on Twitter talking about Tuesday, duh.


  13. I knew something was off because of the capitalization. You always write in lower case. Close though.


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