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the other day someone wrote a comment about my post: sometimes it’s ok to be a loser-

“You never really define what “winning” is; what the go-getter is trying to GET. It’s this horrible Beckett tragedy that you’re stuck in, a delusional bubble of waiting. Is there any point in the future where you will sit down on on an expensive couch and say “GOT IT!” or “WON!”? I mean, what the hell are you talking about? You’re inserting people who mildly annoy you into this hitleresque philosophy. You, of all people, wouldn’t be able to exist if people didn’t wash your dishes and fix your car. And instead of respecting the work they do, you see it as failure creating vacant space for your flimsy success.”

thank you so much. after reading this… it made me look at myself and ask if i’m ever really happy; if i could stop my continuous ‘want’ and ‘work mode’ and actually enjoy everything i have. my work, writing, my apt, my friends, my body, the people i love. and that’s when i realized: i am truly happy. i can look at myself in the mirror and say ‘i’m proud of myself’. i’m happy. nothing is REALLY wrong in my life. and once i acknowledged that, i quickly moved onto the next task at hand.. which was my daily process of checking off to do’s on a list… a list that will probably never end, because there is sooo much to do. a list that is constantly refilled. you see, the post i wrote wasn’t about hating people who do menial labor, or winning, or not respecting people who don’t share the same goals that i do- not at all. the post was a wake up call to people who have absolutely NO idea what they want to do with their lives and to people who do NOTHING instead of trying… anything! people who don’t take the time to stop partying and sleeping in till 2pm to figure out what they COULD be… what contribution they could make to the world. people who are too lazy, or too high to try being someone that they’re too afraid to be; someone they think they could never be- and so they don’t even try.

i don’t look at a bag boy at the grocery store and want to spit on him or punch him in the face…. i just hope he’s passionate about something in his life. for all i know, he’s the happiest bag boy ever- taking pride in bagging those groceries! as long as he’s happy and trying to be the best person he can be, that’s AWESOME! the post was MORE about telling people who try to CHANGE people who don’t want to be changed…to cut it the fuck out. unfortunately i’m not following my own advice… because i was trying to be inspiring by telling people to get off their fucking asses and when that doesn’t happen… telling the friend who’s trying to help them off their ass to stop WAITING and wasting THEIR time.. and move on, so that they can continue ‘doing’. whatever it is they ‘do’. the point is, go get whatever you want, as long as you’re being a go-getter.

it’s not about ‘waiting’, it’s about doing. i’m NOT waiting for anything. i’m doing. you can’t wait for your life to happen, for dreams to come true… you have to be pro-active. you’re the only one living your life, so don’t let people who stand still 24/7 hold you back and weigh you down. that’s why like minded people flock together: the do-ers and the lazy-mongers! and i’m not saying the do-ers cant go to bars and dance and be lazy sometimes and have fun too – when did i say that? i didn’t! if that makes me sound like hitler… well, i have no witty retort.. because i don’t want to be referred to as hitler in any way shape or form, cuz hitler was a bad dude. feel free to compare me to the dude from bravo’s hit television show ‘flipping out’ cuz he’s crazy… but he gets shit done, he does it REALLY well, and i love him.

my mom was a waitress, a single mom, worked her ass off to take care of me, AND was pursuing her creative passion at the same time! …. meanwhile her long-haired boyfriend’s (where my girls at?! you know what i’m talking about- those long-hairs will seduce us EVERYTIME!) asked her for money, while they smoked pot on the couch. these ‘long haired dudes’  are what i mean when i use the word ‘loser’. my mom, ‘the waitress’, (who, btw, broke up with said ‘losers’ the SECOND they held out one lazy grubby hand asking for cash AND told them to fuck off ) is a go getting, hard working, inspiration! so don’t you fucking dare tell me i look down on people who wash the dishes and fix my car. cuz i’ll look down on the rich asshole who has no sense of direction and the world at his feet before i would EVER disrespect a bus boy, waitress, dude who works at McDonald’s, or mechanic.

BUT, thank you for your inspired, heated comment. it helped me take the time to check in with myself- to see if i’ve ‘won’ (whatever winning is), or ‘got it’ (whatever ‘it’ is). i can breathe (for a second) and actually value my life.  THAT DOESN’T MEAN I’M GONNA GET LAZY, but it’s nice to know i’m happy so i can carry that around in my pocket with me while i try to accomplish more of my list. (what’s on it is between me and my list.. but it’s totally not flimsy.) i hope you guys are happy too.  if not, we’ll work on it together. i promise. i love you. xo

ps: nyc prep is SO TOTALLY the new WAY better HILLS! i’m starting to kinda like jessie. i respect her work ethic and her protective nature towards pc (who is SUCH a babe! i can’t wait for him to come out!) i just think jessie needs to be less angry. i wonder if she would like me. i’m guessing no. probably cuz i’m an outsider. her loss. i hope pc and the dancer girl with the speech impediment become best friends. she’s so supportive of his rumored bisexuality! she needs to start speaking with more force though! her low talking ways and nervous laughter after every sentence make me anxious. xo

30 Responses to “i am not hitler:”

  1. Don’t you think it’s nice just to exist sometimes? To take time to look at nature, do things for others and appreciate the world instead of battling with selfish goals the whole time.

  2. Why are people so hell bent on challenging what you write?! You’re an inspiration. x

  3. ‘flipping out’ dude’s name is Jeff Lewis, and that motherfucker totally rules!! (but the real star is Zoila, the housekeeper) 🙂

  4. Dear person who wrote that sassy ass comment,

    You were obviously trying to make some profound point and belittle Alexi; however the joke is on you. Her post went completely over your head which is why you were so offended. You complain that she doesn’t define what ”winning” is but that is because everyone has different goals and she’s not trying to impose hers on her readers.

    You lose.

  5. “a pep talk in the form of a slap in the face in the form of a blog”
    I Love it.
    You gotta be in it-to win it. baby… right?

  6. lets pick apart her comment, hmmm?

    you call her flimsy success? i’m reading her blog. the world is reading her blog. YOU’RE obviously reading her blog. that’s pretty un-flimsy if you ask me!

    you say she doesn’t define winning?
    i say you can’t define success.
    no one can define either of those, and saying that her success is subpar makes you a horrible hypocrite! who are you to decide whats successful or not? what are YOU doing with your life? at least she’s trying (AND SUCCEEDING) at making the world a little better!

    you say she belittles people who wash her dishes and fix her car? by calling her delusional and a failure are you not belittling her as well?

    man. hypocrisy to that extent makes me sad.

    i love you alexi!

  7. Biting analysis on life with a touch of shallow reality TV. And that is why I read and love your blog.

  8. Biting analysis on life with a touch of shallow reality TV. And that is why I love your blog.

  9. Doing>Waiting / You>Crazy comment man

    I love Jessie! She does kind of have a horse mouth though.. maybe that’s why I love her?? Taylor is annoying and Sebastian is a douche! xoxo

  10. i just tried commenting twice. neither time worked. so now its the super short version of my two paragraph diotribe.

    1.I will wash your dishes.
    2. open letter = no more face picking . thanks!
    3. I totally know that bagger at the grocery store! He got 23 million dollars from his parents and kept the job coz it made him happy, grounded, and connected.
    4. have a totally sweet day!

  11. i totally see where this commenter was coming from (not the personal digs though, thats not cool). i felt kinda the same way when i first read it like, “ouch just because i’m not aspiring to be some awesome business person or successful whatever and i like my job making coffees for people, that doesn’t mean i’m a loser.” HOWEVER. i got what you were saying, after i thought about it for awhile. i’m glad you weren’t following your own advice, because you WERE inspiring and i liked that post and felt inspired! so i would like to thank you, both for not being hitler and for the slap in the face. and i’m glad you’re happy!

  12. I will never understand attacking someone so feverishly on their BLOG. who the fuck cares if a blog-writer is hypocritical, or smug, or seemingly selfish. It’s a blog, not the revolution.

    However, about NYC prep: I’m hating on it. I’m from NYC and I don’t understand where this side of NY is hiding.

    OOOOH wait over the hill and through the woods, ie. Central Park and the Upper- sides of Manhattan. This is why tourists think New York is some fantasy land where everyone is rich.

  13. After reading the original sassy post and then reading your response I saw a huge difference in maturity. Your original post was simply expressing your opinion on people who lack ambition. I found it more inspiring and didn’t think you were trying to change people, just make an impact. You didn’t respond by saying, see it my way, you said, you can have your opinion just dont call me hitler. If i was going to compare you to any political leader I would say you were more like FDR. Your optimism towards change is definitely infectious. Sorry sassy poster, but you’ve been pwned.

  14. you don’t know me!!! there’s nothing wrong with getting a little high!!!
    some things you write about i’m kind of, “eggh….” ..but i mostly like you. well, mostly.


  15. ps. people trying to bust your balls on every single thing you write has GOT to be annoying.
    people need to learn that time is precious and they’re wasting it.

  16. come on, alexi. you don’t need to justify yourself! that’s terrible that they didn’t properly interpret your post, but you’re a writer. it happens and it will continue to happen as long as you remain a writer! i got it, other people got it, you win. xx

  17. Oh my. your posts make me think about how i’m not being the do-er i could be. you inspire me!

    and yesssssuh, nyc prep is the best addiction



  18. I can’t believe you sank low enough to reply, if you don’t like what people say then disable commenting. You put yourself out there so expect people to have opinions that don’t necessarily match yours. You only wrote this so people would back you up and go “omg alexi you’re so amazing”. Have some integrity. Take it like a man!!

  19. … but she’s not a man? and…she was explaining herself, not defending herself. when someone is misunderstood, they need to clarify for people who don’t understand her messages.

    people like you.

    i can’t believe YOU sank low enough to reply. stop crying.

    that chicks right…HYPOCRISY SUCKS.

  20. you tell ’em.

  21. hell yeah NYC PREP!! i’m so addicted. oops? also yessss, pc + taylor = bffs forevs.

  22. This is the author of the original post.

    I did misinterpret your post, but maybe it lent itself to misinterpretation.

    I admire you for doing exactly what you want to do. I have no doubt that you are entirely sincere in what you do. The best thing a human could do on this planet is exactly what they want, but never take any moral ground for it, and know EXACTLY what they are doing and how ridiculous it probably is, no matter how much happiness it garners them.

    But, as far as this tiny universe of blog posting, your response is much more forgiving than the original post. You narrow down the scope of who should be trampled as stepping stones for us “producers” (I know you were being hyperbolic, but still) and you narrow it down to a very hatable bunch: lazy assholes in your area code, and leeches from your past. It’s almost as if your talking about a single person you know at this point. Some guy named Hank, who sleeps in and gets drunk and lives in his mom’s house at 25.

    It’s all of the sudden become a very safe point to make. Your qualifications for passion and thus worthiness have become all-inclusive. Why do you all of the sudden give the bag boy the benefit of the doubt, whom you don’t even know, yet not bed-headed kids who seem static to you? Because you have faith in other people, and you don’t judge them because of their place in life? I find that hard to believe when you’ve torn a stranger apart because they’ve popped their pimples. Yes, the bag boy is probably writing the great american novel at home on brown paper grocery bags he stole from work. Is that what you really think? Give me a break: go with your instincts and brush him off.

    You’re assuming you know what peoples’ bests are, and that you recognize potential wasted. You won’t impose your own goals on anyone else, but you’re still preoccupied with agreed-upon goals (even presently fulfilled, like your own happiness) and most importantly, shallow indicators of not reaching them (sleeping in late, getting drunk, leaning against walls). I know these examples of yours are tongue-in-cheek, but there are things worthwhile besides imposing your will on the world, besides ambition and productivity, an on-going career, skin care, or even happiness. Or anything that you would call “doing something.”

    Getting caught in the paradigm of unrelenting ambition and youthfulness is what leads to the dreaded “middle-agedom” you referred to. Time passes unforgivingly in a bubble like that. Wallowing in the world of bloggers, stylists, promoters, marketing people, and advertisers, all on the absolute top tier of grotesque consumption, and bullshitting it into each others mouths and calling it production. These are the to-do lists that bottom out at middle age.

    You would probably walk past your favorite writer on the street and not recognize him, because you would ignore the drunk walking past you at ten in the morning, and stare at the ground to avoid getting too much detail seeped into your memory of his pockmarks. That would gross you out. The conceit of your entire living is that your life matches your art exactly; you live up to what you say! Of course. You fuck in the back of SUV’s and return things to Ikea and you write about it. It’s really not that hard. Those who insist that artists must live their lives exactly like the value of their art, are the most adolescent, banal assholes on earth. They cannot fathom the degenerate who writes beautiful novels. Yet, you regurgitate. There’s nothing extra, no magic. It’s sickening that you even call it “work”. But, that’s what people like about you. All of the “I love you Alexi, such an inspiration!” comments come from people who need validation for their own vapid lifestyle.

    You call people lazy, drunks, idiots, un-ambitious, but you don’t understand that people’s creations can actually transcend their daily lifestyle, and that there are people who could give a shit about their body or their apartment or their family, people with polio and a heroin addiction, who will be remembered in the future for three times your lifetime. And don’t give me this shit about appreciating passion of all kinds, because when it’s throwing up on your doorstep, you’re calling the police. You’ve incriminated yourself with your own blog; you’re documented, self-professed shallowness taints your newfound sense of being Mother Teresa with the lower class. You want everyone do do the most with what they have, yet there still remian those pesky terds who can’t afford the hair and body products that you use, and then at least have a credible reason for being degraded; being ugly! The best types of passion are those you, Alexi, cannot recognize in any form. It’s almost a qualifitcation for good art.

    I know people will say, “don’t attack her on her own blog!” But that’s the medium you’ve chosen. A medium of constant reinforcement for vanilla pudding ideas, but also dissestion. You responded thoughtfully to my ridiculous post, and I’ve responded to your ridiculous post. All I really suggest is that you realize that what you do, what you write, and the miniscule world you dwell in, is ridiculous. You may take offense to that, but don’t. Because there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s a step of maturity. It’s absurd to have the audacity to assume who are the winners and losers. Do what you want with your life, but know that you came from two parents fucking in a pile of sweat, and that the entire world would laugh at you if you told them your problems and concerns and half-experienced beliefs, and carry on in the face of that, but don’t forget that.

    And I use the word Hitler very liberally anyways. If my cat shredded my last role of toilet paper, I’d call her Hitler for the rest of her life.

    Maybe after this, you’ll narrow down your opinions a little more to just include hating serial killers. Everyone would agree with that quite fine.

  23. Ah, I think that a person is only happy when a person is active. Activity is the only way a conscious human being can be happy. Which makes me very suspicious of Buddhist monks…

  24. Okay, I cannot believe the poster came back to steal your blogging glory and the clarification you gave in this post. ‘Anonymous poster/theorist’ please just STFU, and enjoy her writing and her opinion. If you don’t see eye to eye, or can’t have appreciation go watch Bill O’Reilly or something… save Alexi the need for clarification, and my time scrolling past your zatrillion words that no one cares about! Get your own blog, or shut it.

  25. I’d read the Original Poster’s blog if they had one.

  26. i second that. best thing i’ve read on this site.

  27. witty and honest

  28. I think I love you.

  29. may I ask whyyy you have a therapist??
    -Just Wondering

  30. And even though you have a therapist, I still love you and want to be like you so bad. (not exactly like you) even though you are a perfect role model, I’d follow your philosophies and make them my own, pertaining to my own life. (I’m only 15… But don’t worry! Lol. I won’t do the sex stuff until I’m a bit older and ready and comfortable with everything ^^)

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