BLOG » the blind leading the blind part 13:

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1. adopt a personality and learn how to use that personality to make conversation when you meet people.

2. when going into a meeting, prepare. if it’s a biz meeting, look up the person you’re meeting with. have an idea of what you want to say, communicate, express. take charge of your life and how you present yourself. be clear on what is important to you.

3. start referring to everything you do as a meeting. lunch with a friend: meeting. Starbucks with mom: meeting. asking the produce guy at the market about apples: meeting. it just makes you sound super cool awesome important all in one!

4. if you have uuber fake bleach blond hair, and an orange (or ANY kind of) fake tan, and have moved to la from somewhere else to hit it big by acting or secretly getting preggers from a rich married dude you met at crunch and are now fucking… i don’t know why you are reading this blog. you don’t belong here. however, if you are naturally blond, but dye your hair brown, and like to think you are your own person… stay here. you’ve found your home.

5. boring is bad.

6.  if you ONLY reserve your smiles for babies, it doesn’t mean you’re good. nice try asshole. How about smiling at a grown up who needs a nice pick me up smile too? Babies can’t talk back and aren’t threatening or intimidating. we’re onto you, you stingy- control freak- smile giver THEN denier!  some babies are cute- I get it, but broaden your horizons why don’t you!

7. always knock first. It’s super rude to try the door knob first. Knock and then listen for someone to yell ‘it’s open’, or ‘I’ll be right there’, or ‘come in’.

8. sometimes if the wrong person calls on your behalf, it’s the same or worse than if you called on your own behalf or didn’t call at all. Watch whose hands you put your life into.

9. if you’ve never slept with a black dude, it probably means you’re racist. if you’ve only slept with a 1/2 black dude. it means you’re half racist.

10. so, you don’t have an electric toothbrush why?

18 Responses to “the blind leading the blind part 13:”

  1. I wholeheartedly agree with number 7! So many times where a suitemate of mine busted into my room while I was changing.

  2. hahahaha #9

    i’m half racist. aw.

  3. Also – always pumice your heels.

  4. #9: But if you sleep with a black dude just to prove yourself you’re not a racist, aren’t you paying too much attention to race in a different way?

    Does this also mean we’re all supposed to sleep with curly-haired muscular dudes with ugly tattoos to prove that we’re not curlist, musculist and tattooist? Because I’d really prefer to avoid that, if I possibly can.

    However, I think you missed out on a current topic that has been exercising many fine minds lately; a topic that touches many of your readers’ (who shall remain nameless) lives at present; a question, quite possibly, of vital importance to young people whose fates hang in its balance. Namely – ‘White vintage high-waisted skinny jeans: should they remain in the decade they came from?’

    I’d really like someone cooler than me to settle this once and for all. Thanks.

  5. so you’ve had slept with black guy?
    i want to know how was it.
    do you like hairy guy??? would you ever give BJ to hairy guy??

  6. I’m on board with #3. In fact, I just had a meeting with the mailman. He says things are pretty good. I don’t believe him.

  7. I love, love, love number 4. It made me laugh out loud. I think I’ve found my home. Keep blogging, I love you!

  8. my toothbrush is analog.

  9. #8 is genius

  10. shit. I’m half-a racist. shit shit shittttt.

    and cranky hag, just shut the hell up. you’re reading way too much into this. just go fuck a black dude. thats what ima do right now. whatever alexi wants, she gets. she’s making the world a better place, aight? just go with it.

  11. #1 is excellent advice. i have found this so-called “personality” of which you type to be an extremely useful tool on the rare occasion when i deign to communicate with a human being.

  12. I’d rather be racist than have a prolapsed rectum.

  13. pantene on the bathtub ledge? seriously?

  14. oh calm down. you can’t buy kerastase all the time!

  15. ..and another thing about #6 is: it’s the stroller-pusher who’s dealing w/ the little ball of cherub feathers when (s)he’s yowling, barfing and completely un-smile-worthy, so smile at -them- for once why don’t you?!

  16. wow, i am brand new here and i dye my hair brown and you’re making me feel s00 good.

  17. i always agree with everything you say, EXCEPT the fake tan of any kind, because Jergens or a really good airbrush tan is definitely worth it when you’re up against being 40 and covered in cancerous speckles because you were too proud to pretend.

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