BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 16) – special edition, for boys only:

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1. dudes, please bathe more. that includes washing AND conditioning your hair (and your privates- if you’re fancy and/or classy).

2. if you have dandruff, look into a specialty shampoo. selson blue or head and shoulders DOESN’T always do it. and flaky white chunks, falling from your scalp, are not sexy.

3. dudes! Wash your fucking towels! If they smell like mildew, chances are your dick is gonna smell like mildew too. I can’t tell you how many bummer blow jobs I’ve given to dudes who’s dick smelled like mildew. Oh, yeah- I actually can remember! ONE! I BROKE UP WITH HIM THE NEXT MORNING and i never saw him again; AND I’ve never let it happen again. but it haunts me like a bad dream. dudes, don’t ruin your sex life! fyi: girls talk! don’t let your reputation be annihilated just  because you don’t like doing laundry. Just don’t.

4. knowing how to give good head AND actually practicing this talent on a woman gives you so much power. the more you make her cum, the more power you have.

5. if you CAN pay for dinner AND you just STARTED dating her, pay for fucking dinner! otherwise you really have no business bringing her to a restaurant to begin with. if you invite her- you pay for her!

6. be creative with your date ideas.

7. hold the door for the girl. it’s free you scumbag.

8. walk on the side of the girl, closest to the street. she’s not a prostitute, so don’t flaunt her to drivers- by like she is! also, you’re protecting her from being splashed by cars driving through puddles.

9. don’t walk in front of a girl like she’s a dog following you. trust me, it looks bad.

10. suck on her nipples dude. just do it. and a light nip caress with your hand, WHILE you’re kissing her, wouldn’t kill you either.

11. make a lot of money and have passion and drive. this is sexy.

12. and  make her a mix CD why don’t you? if you do this at the beginning of the relationship, that’s great…. but if you surprise her six months or a year into it,  just because you can-just because you WANT to… she will freak the fuck out and drop to her knees just to thank you with a blow job. and if she DOESN’T…. you have my full permission to punch her in the face with your dick! but you’ll have to do it quick, because your erection will totally be fading! hey, i never claimed to be a role model. I’m just thinking out loud here.

update: the comment section wasn’t working for the past few days, but it is now! so, if you have anything to say….feel free! xo


13 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 16) – special edition, for boys only:”

  1. 7. hold the door for the girl. it’s free you scumbag.

    made me totally lol at work. this one is a goodie, and I will send to my guy friends that I feel are still worth saving… So all of them!


  2. You have a pretty cool blog here!

    I dig.


  3. what kind of ‘mo has to be told to suck on a girl’s nipples?


  4. i agree with ‘uhhh’

    … EVERY man should automatically do this.


  5. Your fucking awesome.


  6. Lovin this blog, it’s now going into my favorites under, ‘BLOGS’. Love that you covered Mildew dick by the way… this needed to be said!


  7. youre hilarity is on a whole other level. dyinnnnnnnnnnng here, dyiiiiing.


  8. Let’s see here:

    Be able to lick a girl into multiple orgasms, be rich, pay for everything, always have creative fun ideas, AND bathe?

    WHAT IF I NEEDS THE MILDEW SMELL TO COVER UP THE ODEUR OF GONORRHEA?? WHAT DO I DO THEN, OH GIFTER OF EXPENSIVE AND SLOPPY BLOWJOBS?


  9. Despite the humor I found in most of these, I felt a male perspective needed to be shed on this. You can see my retort on my website http://www.imnevergettingmarried.com. And really good blog by the way


  10. Thank you! No. 9 is my favorite… it hit a nerve. My boyfriend is a workaholic who’s married to his business, even his own family agrees he has no balance and have personally told me if they were with him they could never stand it! Most of the time we never see each other more than an hour a day when he finally makes it home in the wee hours of the night. So to spend more time together, he has been asking me to visit him at work forever so I finally agreed even though I knew what it would be like. I spent hours and hours walking with him everywhere, supporting him, standing behind him, only for him to fight with me in the end because I DARED TO COMPLAIN nicely to him that he keeps leaving me walking behind him, following him like a dog, instead of alerting me everytime he stops, changes direction, talks to someone, walks back the other way, turns the corner… etc without even letting me know when we’re leaving or standing still for a minute. It made me look soooo stupid the whole night. He is very unpredictable, one minute he’s talking to someone then all of the sudden in mid-conversation he takes off… it’s like WTF? then gets pissy and denies it. All I asked him was to walk next to me, I aksed nicely, not blaming him. All this after I went out of my way to be there and take pics of him and his business in the rain that night but he never even thanked me.

    I am not a relationship quitter but honestly I feel sometimes as if years are slipping by and I wonder if there is a sweet, kind person out there I’m supposed to be with who doesn’t get pissy like him, it’s like he wants to discourage me from complaining when he does wrong and wants to make it into a big fight if I voice a concern JUST so I never bring anything up.. he never apologizes sincerely.


  11. Thank you! No. 9 is my favorite… it hit a nerve. My boyfriend is a workaholic who’s married to his business, even his own family agrees he has no balance and have personally told me if they were with him they could never stand it! Most of the time we never see each other more than an hour a day when he finally makes it home in the wee hours of the night. So to spend more time together, he has been asking me to visit him at work forever so I finally agreed even though I knew what it would be like. I spent hours and hours walking with him everywhere, supporting him, standing behind him, only for him to fight with me in the end because I DARED TO COMPLAIN nicely to him that he keeps leaving me walking behind him, following him like a dog, instead of alerting me everytime he stops, changes direction, talks to someone, walks back the other way, turns the corner… etc without even letting me know when we’re leaving or standing still for a minute. It made me look soooo stupid the whole night. He is very unpredictable, one minute he’s talking to someone then all of the sudden in mid-conversation he takes off… it’s like WTF? then gets pissy and denies it. All I asked him was to walk next to me, I aksed nicely, not blaming him. All this after I went out of my way to be there and take pics of him and his business in the rain that night but he never even thanked me.

    I am not a relationship quitter but honestly I feel sometimes as if years are slipping by and I wonder if there is a sweet, kind person out there I’m supposed to be with who doesn’t get pissy like him, it’s like he wants to discourage me from complaining when he does wrong and wants to make it into a big fight if I voice a concern JUST so I never bring anything up.. he never apologizes sincerely.

    I am with Hitler! Something’s gonna have to change….


  12. So where is the equality here? You want it but also to be held up on a pedestal and ‘protected’. Whatever, I’m glad I’ve found an equal and not a princess.


  13. this is the best thing ive read since…well…enid blyton. your right on the money with all this stuff! thank you!!!!


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