BLOG » racism sux – part 2:


i wondered how young black dudes and dudettes felt about being a twenty something nowadays and dealing with racial tension, especially in the indie/American apparel/hipster social scene. black girls who like white dudes, white girls who like black dudes. what are the underlined feelings and issues that arise? when will this heavy feeling go away? and how come someone can refer to me as ‘white’ and it’s no big deal, but if you refer to someone as ‘black’, you take the chance of them being offended? why is that taken in a negative way? the worst part about it, is that it’s a case by case scenario. so, since there are no rules, you never know who you’re going to offend.

my heritage is Russian and German. but i was born in America. but you don’t refer to me as ‘Russian american’. so, why do we have to say ‘african american’? i was told it’s because all black people originate from Africa and that they didn’t leave because they wanted to- that they were taken as slaves and by calling them ‘African american’ it acknowledges this. it’s a matter of respect. but how politically correct do we need to be nowadays? what’s the general consensus? teach me what i should do. none of this is written in a hateful way. all of this is meant in a loving, trying to figure it all out kinda way.

and ‘white’ people have to stop being afraid to use the word ‘black’. do you, or anyone you know, ever do that avoidance dance by saying ANYTHING else they can to describe what someone looks like, without saying the word ‘black’? and when they finally DO (because ‘black’ is the ONLY descriptive word left that can be used in a situation because there happen to be two dudes who are tall, wearing a blue sweater, jeans, and are brunette at the party) they say ‘(full voice) he’s the (whisper) ‘black’ (full voice again) guy.’ this has got to stop! I’m sorry, i don’t have any negative connotation with the word black, and i don’t have any negative connotation with the word white. they are just descriptive terms. how i JUDGE people is by their actions, personality, and attitude towards me. this is on a person to person basis.

here’s an e-mail from a black girl who reads my blog. i told her i wanted to write a piece on contemporary racism and reverse racism that exists in indie culture between young people nowadays. it’s epic and says it all:

“Actually I think if you wrote about racism as honestly as you possibly could that would be fantastic, especially since it is still unfortunately prominent today. For me and my sister it kinda blows because my mom has always taught us just to like, be carefree and love who you want and all that and try to treat everyone the way you want to be treated and whatever zen mantra you could think of, mind you my mom had me at a young age and was a total club kid so we were raised a bit differently which I am so thankful for!!!

Alot of young black kids are all about thug life and that’s fine, but not all black people are like that! I feel like I am constantly judged by white people AND black people and it truly pisses me off and here is why: I get judged by older white people, which isn’t right but understandable because they grew up in the fifties or whatever and their moms and dads were racists, so I get it- but it makes me sad. I think I am pretty awesome and for Christ’s sake I’m not going to rob anyone so don’t look all weird at me when you see me. Also, the black people have an issue with me because they say i ‘sound white’ and the clothing i wear and the music i like. they don’t understand- so they think I’m white. i mean, my grandparents and aunts even say ‘oh, she’s kinda different’ and they are my own fucking family!! Are you serious!? My sister is the same way, but she is more of a tomboy, she into like, i dunno death metal (whatever, it’s her world) but we share the same issues as a whole.

I have a lot of white girlfriends and alot of black girlfriends, but they don’t hang out together. it’s like I have to like jay-z with one group and Uffie with the other group, soooo annoying! So I end up hanging out by myself. That can be dangerous in a good or bad way. But, while I’m on the topic, me being black sometimes gets in the way of trying to find a new mate. like I said, the boys on your site are what I’m into- but I like all guys; black, white, Spanish, Italian, whatevs. It’s just hard because if I see a guy I like, my first thought is ‘oh boy, is he even down with the ‘ebony persuasion’ or am I wasting my time?’ The first white guy I dated, I was head over heels for. he was very intriguing and was in a band and just like sooo gorge! Super pale skin tone reddish brownish hair and a lot of tattoos and he was so sweet to me and I was super into him. He introduced me to his friends and at first they were sweet to my face but I could tell they were giving him a look like ‘is she Spanish or is she black or what?’ His brother also felt compelled to listen to rap or r&b around me, which wasn’t bad, but it felt forced- like that’s all we could relate to or that’s all I listened to or something, which was very weird because he knew I liked a lot of other things.

Eventually me and the hot redhead just remained friends, but it sucks that it’s hard for a girl like me to find a guy like me and not have race be an issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m black. I’m proud of it! but damn! I am sure I’d have to work twice as hard to get the guys you interview (other than Rickey Kim) because of my skin tone. I’m 5’8 and I weigh 120lbs, so I know it’s not because I’m a fat ass and I haven’t been beaten with an ugly stick (at least I think not) so what the fuck?! Okay wow this email got very long winded but um if you want me to elaborate more or if you have a specific question about this topic or anything else feel free to ask! I have a terribly bad habit of rambling… Keep up the great work!!

ps: I just wanted to say that tonight I went out with my white friends and the white guy I liked- my white friend got with!! He looked at me and realized I wasn’t spanish and totally blew me off!! Put that as an example is your race post!!! I have a case of the sads!!! Sorry alexi for emailing you wayy late, just wanted to let you know.”

40 Responses to “racism sux – part 2:”

  1. I’m mixed race and I fucking hate it. Too white for Indian people, too Indian for white people. I feel like you should only have mixed race kids if you can raise them with a strong sense of who they are becuase they will not belong or be accepted anywhere.

  2. Regarding the “black” vs “african-american” thing: I’m not sure whether people find the term black to be offensive but I use it; people can be black and from Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Canada, the U.K. or anywhere, and there are people from Africa that are not black. Maybe I am misunderstanding, though?

  3. Hey, Id just like to say Im a boy that follows this blog to get the inside scoop on what girls think. I like it alot, and I like this post cause it hits all the same issues I have. The black girl that posted the response has basically the same situation as myself….except opposite. Im a white male and…”I like my women like I like my coffee: Hot, Black, and Strong.” -Michael Ian Black from Stella. But seriously, I really dig the dark skinned women, but I never have the nerves to talk to them for the same reason, their families dont agree or friends cant relate, its tough, when will this be over with?

    p.s. black girl, if your reading this, lets get together for coffee :p

  4. ha! try being iranian-american and the only option you pretty much have is to hang out by yourself.

  5. Ahh this all makes me so sad! I’ve had the identity crisis issue for years- too black for the white girls, too white for the black girls and then I woke up and said screw all the people judging me for my skin color and their predisposition about it. I am only me, and nothing more. I happen to be black and i like a lot of music by white artist- so do a lot of other black kids. it’s not a big deal. We’re friends on facebook Alexi, look at my pictures ALL MY FRIENDS ARE WHITE. That totally messed with my head for years when I was younger. I didn’t know how to do my hair, we couldn’t trade makeup tips(!) and I didn’t know how to speak (too hood/ too white).

    I have been lucky enough to live in big cities (first NYC, now LA) so I am spoiled in respect, but if you live somewhere that’s killing your spirit get out of there! Dream big, live big and save yourself because NO ONE ELSE GIVES A SHIT ENOUGH TO DO IT FOR YOU. After moving to LA I started liking black guys and I realized that it’s not that I don’t like black guys, I don’t like Hood dudes who are cat calling me on the street.

    Alexi, i totally hate when people say African-American! I’m not from Africa! No one in my family is from Africa either, unless we traced it back for at least 10 generations! A huge reason racism is still going so strong in America is because we are trying so hard to continue defining ourselves by our families pasts, instead of just calling ourselves American. ahh i really want to go on but i’m actually embarrassed at the length of this comment.

    Lets get a drink and talk about the woes of racism.

  6. I’m white, but I have dark skin and hair, and am usually mistaken for some mix of different races. I’m not trying to claim that this has made my life hard, or that I’ve ever been discriminated against for it, but I do frequently have people ask me, “What are you?” when they first meet me. Firstly, I find it incredibly rude, especially if I say I’m white, and then they proceed to tell me exactly what I look like. But the thing that bothers me the most about it is, why does it matter? Why do people need to know what race everyone else is, especially if its ambiguous? People’s races are complex, and as the world get smaller, race is only going to become more complex and mixed. When it comes to racism, I feel that if we all just watched out for ourselves, we’d be a lot better for it. I’m not about to try to stop someone else’s racism, or call them out for racism, because it doesn’t matter. It won’t change what they think or say. I just try to treat people the same, both good and bad. If I’m friends with someone, it’s not because of or in spite of their race. If I make fun of someone, it’s not because of their race. If someone thinks I’m racist because I invited them out for chicken, I’m not about to take that personally. Maybe it’s just me and maybe I’m just simple minded, but my view about it is that if I just ignore it as much as I can, I will be doing my part to help it go away.

  7. i’m iranian american too. growing up all the guys thought i was soo ugly. now, i feel like guys are only into me because i’m “exotic” or some equally lame shit. which sounds like a silly problem, but it’s really disheartening to hear guys get interested once they hear i’m half persian.

  8. About the “Black”/African-American thing: As a Black female, I’d say Black is the best overall term. African-American refers to Black people specifically from the United States whose origins stem from slavery. They usually have a genetic makeup that not only includes African ancestry but also Native American or Caucasian ancestry. Someone who is from the Caribbean, for example, is not an African-American. That is why, while filling out forms that ask for your ethnicity, you’ll often see “Black/African-American” rather than just “African American.”

    And I totally know how that girl who e-mailed you feels. It’s a complicated situation to be in, one rife with insecurities. Luckily, I grew up in and currently live in a big city but unfortunately, that city is Chicago, one of the most segregated cities in the country. I feel immersed in “indie” culture working as a freelance music writer and yet I never truly feel like I belong due to my ethnicity. I think others feel the same way. When I am questioned about which bands or musicians I like, the reaction is usually incredulous, with others feeling shocked that I listen to and know so much about the music yet never explicitly saying why.

    The dating thing is a whole other problem. I can’t enter situations knowing whether or not a guy can like me. Does that make sense? There is always a pre-conceived notion that I CAN’T be liked because of my race. The dating pool becomes slim and my insecurities regarding the possibility that my race becomes a factor in whether or not I am attractive to guys (Black or white or whatever other ethnicity) makes my dating situation frequently non-existent. Most guys I meet say that they are too afraid to ask “a girl like” me out, whatever that means. Actually, I know what that means, but it irks me all the same.

  9. im a black male who enjoys your blog

    but these last 2 posts are slightly depressing.

    there are so many glaring/ annoying generalizations and naive inaccuracies most notably your victim hood about being accused of being a racist by an angry black guy who didn’t even accuse YOU. He just asked you something to serve as a point to the passively racist store clerk. But you are so instantly defensive you missed the point. I don’t even know where to begin with all the other stuff, and i don’t care to go through them all one by one.

    then lastly you end with a email from a black girl who clearly has a bug up her as about being black cause she has a penchant for white guys and indie music therefore resents that shes judged by whites cause of’ghetto blacks’ , and also being judged by ‘ghetto blacks’ cause she identifies mostly with white culture.

    This just takes the cake.


  10. They’re not describing someone with their race just because they are racist. It’s just usually a simpler way of describing someone. If you’re in a crowded place, and it’s not polite to point, and you’re trying to point someone out you wouldn’t say “That guy with the stripped shirt.” Cause I’m sure there’s lots of people in the room with a striped shirt. If there’s fewer black people in the room than white people, wouldn’t it just be easier to say- “That black guy.” or even say “That black guy in the striped shirt.” It’d be just the same if you were in a place with more black, hispanic, asian, european, etc. than white people and say “That white guy.” or “That white guy with a striped shirt.” What starts to be racist is when someone associates or groups certain types of things to someone just BECAUSE they are a certain race..

    And also, if everyone in the world should have equal rights why isn’t racism equal? I’d hate to usual the word “equal” and “racism” in the same sentence, but it’s true. Why is it okay for anyone to call a white person honkey, cracker, whitey, etc. as a joke and laugh? But not okay for a white person to call a person chink, “the n word”, spick, etc.? Why can you say so many rude racist words on t.v., but NOT the n word? I’m not trying to take sides for any race but it simply doesn’t make sense. I get it. Lots of people when through struggles, and lots of ethnicities went through struggles. But why would you want to bring it up again? That’s not who you are. Why would you want to make it as an excuse for yourself? All the struggles your ancestors went through, or even YOU went through shouldn’t do anything to you but make you more stronger, more powerful, and make you rise up against it and use it to make something positive off of it as you can. Why are we allowed to have B.E.T. but not have W.E.T.? Why is it okay to have a Black History Month but not a White History Month? I’m sorry to touch up on African-Americans and white people so much, but it’s true. The same rules don’t apply to everyone, and the same scars and “tender spots” don’t hurt everyone the same. I’m sure someone could just as much say, “You’re race wasn’t nearly or equally oppressed as much as mine/ours.” But that shouldn’t be an excuse for anyone. Instead of making your sufferings as a constant battle, argument, or competition EVERYONE needs to put it aside. That doesn’t mean forget or pretend it never happened, but for the most part- It ISN’T happening anymore. Slavery, refusing rights to certain people, discrimination ISN’T legal. So why should it be in your everyday mindset? Why should you judge someone because of their skin, or accent, or eyes, or nose, or etc. Why should you associate traits to someone that you don’t even know? Why should you make up your mind up about someone you haven’t even met? I know racism is still going on. And I know people meet other people in life that are full of hate and are digusting. But you can’t let them get to you. Why WOULD you want to get to know someone like that? Why WOULD you want to get approval from someone as disgusting, ugly, rude, ignorant, and horrible like that? You have to put it aside and be stronger than that. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself AND love the other innocent people with the same skin of a race that might’ve hurt you before. You have to let go of the baggage, look aside, and become stronger and above the hate, the discrimanation, and the people that have hurt you before.

    Oh ps, I’m mixed. Sorry this is so long.

  11. i totally get what jin says.
    i’m half white and half asian.

    in america i’m asian. people ask me if i’m oriental, japanese, chinese, korean, asian, etc in america. people ask me to say something, read a character, or something just as equally awkward and racist.

    in japan i’m white. when i’m in japan people look at me odd on the subway, ask what i am, or stare down at me.

    i can pretend and say i don’t care and it doesn’t matter but it’s not true.
    i always feel out of place, and i don’t know what/who i am. even my friends just look at me as “asian” or “japanese”.

    i’m grateful and happy for people usually being fascinated with me instead of racist. i’m grateful for being half and mixed. and i love it. but it’s just something that will always make you feel out of place or confused.

  12. To comment #9, what may seem like an innocent question in text can take on different meanings if said out loud in a threatening or sarcastic tone and I think Alexi clearly implied the same.

  13. oh god, here we go with the ‘black history month is racist’ / BET is racist brigade again.

    You don’t even get why B.E.T had to exist in the first place. LETS GET TELEMUNDO OFF THE AIR ITZ RACIST OMGZZZ

    I cant believe people are complaining about ‘not being able to use the n-word’ , why the fuck do you want to say it anyways?!! jesus h christ. does it infringe on ur civil rights not being able to say nigger? omg white ppl all over the world fight the oppression of evil black history month!!!


  14. what she wrote is so true!
    i mean im white but i have black friends and all of what she described happens to them aswell.
    all i wanna say is stay true to yourself and you’ll be right, listen to the music you wanna listen to, be the person you wanna be and like the boys that you like!
    you dont have to change for anyone but youself.

  15. what she wrote is so true!
    i mean im white but i have black friends and all of what she described happens to them aswell.
    all i wanna say is stay true to yourself and you’ll be right, listen to the music you wanna listen to, be the person you wanna be and like the boys that you like!
    you dont have to change for anyone but youself.

  16. It’s shit, but the fact of the matter is that you are more likely to describe someone as black than white is because, especially amongst my friends, black people are a minority. I’m sure if you lived in Africa someone would describe you as that white girl.

    I dated a black hipster girl for a while and although she was fine in London, when she went to Glasgow she was stared at like a freak. Not cool.

    And black people prefer to be called black.

  17. I’ve never heard of that reason for using the phrase African-American.
    My ancestors were convicts so based on that reasoning, I am English-Australia.
    But I’d prefer if people referred to me by my name, I’m pretty sure most people do.

    The whole thing with boys not liking you for not being the right colour, well, I don’t know of anyone that hasn’t happened to. I’ve liked Chinese boys, and had them go after my friends cause they don’t like white chicks. I’ve only ever dated white guys because only white guys are interested in me.

  18. Racism does suck, but all I really want to say is nice Bing commercial.

  19. Man, blast that Lil Wayne! Turn that shit to 10 in a drop top!

    Kool G Rap & DJ Polo – Erase Racism:

  20. I never could be bring myself to say “African American.” My black friends would laugh their heads off if I did.

    I used to work with a lot of rappers and found it interesting that minorities (they weren’t all black) were often more racist than any white person I ever knew. Even against their own race.

  21. V. i totally agree with everything you said. I’ve never understood why people who have horrible language and can say horrible things won’t say “the n word.” or why you can say such discriminatory and horrible things against women and other races, but got forbid anyone say ‘nigger’ or even ‘nigga.’ it’s not that i want to say it, it just seems weird to me that this one word is soooooo inappropriate when people say so many other nasty things.

  22. if you werent racist, you’d be saying ‘dont say that other stuff’. not WHY CANT I SAY NIGGA!!!??


    “why you can say such discriminatory and horrible things against women and other races, but got forbid anyone say ‘nigger’ or even ‘nigga.’”

    gender is not the same as race. Women and advertisers say alot of sexist shit about men.thats a whole different can of worms

    and give me this so called example of people saying ‘terrible’ things about other races? this is all a myth

    if u want to say nigger so bad just say it.

    these lame complaints and inaccurate comparisons show so much naivety, its pretty funny

  23. It’s all a myth saying terrible things about other races? You’re serious? I could cite about one and a half billion examples of terrible stereotypes of gender, race and religion. Unfortunately, that would just be a litany of hate speech that I would prefer not to engender.

    If you prefer to find some examples, go watch any comedian. Mexican comedians tend to say terrible things about Mexicans, Jewish comedians say terrible things about jews, black comedians say terrible things about blacks, and so forth and so on. Now I think one person’s “terrible” is another person’s damn funny (see Chapelle, Dave), but that’s a matter of opinion. Maybe Chapelle is responsible for perpetuating racism, or maybe he helps bring it to people’s attention.

    Are you saying that women say a lot of sexist shit about men, but it doesn’t also go vice versa? I’m not sure what’s in that can of worms, but I don’t really like worms anyways.

    Anyways, if you see so much naivete, why don’t you break it down and clear it up so that others can learn from your experience, as opposed to just calling people racist. Although that’s fun, too.

    Personally, there are a lot of words I choose not to use. Others can use whatever words they like. What words they use and how they utilize them may determine whether I want to converse with them, but I suppose they’re mostly free to do as they please.

  24. Horrible post.

    No, you’re not offending anyone. No, you’re not being racist. It’s just painful to read.

  25. While I highly question Riff Dogs accuracy (You guessed!I’m african-american, among many other things), I think the reason BLACK is taken so offensively is because it is a trivial label thought up by THE MAN…YES, a “white” man. To be called black is kind of insulting, because it’s a reference to our skin. Who wants to be defined by skin, skin that was deemed ugly and demeaning. The History of “Blacks” in america has long been defined by our skin and supposed “animalistic anatomy”. We were enslave because of a completely unfounded notion that we were like animals, cattles. America has alot of healing to do. And YES, every minority group in america has a horrowing tale. However, aside from “Black” people, no one else was brought here unwillingly in chains, greased up, and placed on an auction block.
    Alexi, this is a tough topic. I commend your attempt to get to the bottom of this. But HONESTLY, everyone is different and you’re better off chatting with your friends about how they feel because everyone feels differently. AND unfortunately you have to respect that as best you can or run the risk of offending someone, getting in an argument better left alone, or into physical altercations. Some people get THAT upset.

  26. I am so unbelievably happy that you decided to talk about this issue. As a black girl in a predominately white area (AZ) I go threw this everyday! I am constantly being told that I “act white” by not only black people but white people too. I just don’t understand how anyone can act a color. Just because I choose to speak proper English, I don’t wear BABY PHAT, and listen to music besides rap doesn’t mean I’m afraid of being black. I’m proud of who I am and where I came from but I have so many other things going on that are more important than constantly proving to people exactly how black I am.

    As for using the word nigger/nigga or describing someone as black I think its important to recognize the color of someones skin but not to define them by it. When I was younger guys used to say I was pretty for a black girl, obviously I felt inferior to my white friends. Even now at 22 , when I think a guy is into me I still can’t help but think it’s only so he can say hes been with a black girl. I want to scream and cry because that’s not all that makes me who I am.

  27. lol im a black male who enjoys your blog

    but these last 2 posts are slightly depressing.

    So is your twitter handle but that is neither here no there.

  28. moonfry We were enslave because of a completely unfounded notion that we were like animals, cattles

    This is untrue moonfry. We were enslaved for our monetary value as chattel slaves. The myths about our nature and such came about later as a way to justify the horrible things that were done to blk/African -Americans.

  29. Thanks for having the balls to bring up this topic. That email hit close to home for me. I hate it when people say I sound “white”. Shit, I like using proper grammar.

  30. hey Nicole, I too am in AZ. Your right, my best friend is black (from the hood) did jail time and all that, and Im strait outta Upstate NY, and we get along like true Brothers, Everyone looks at us like we r Rob n Big. Just realize everyone is their own person. You are beyond it, and alot of people realize it.

  31. p.s. AZ is a predominately Mexican area.

  32. 1. I think it might come off as offensive to call someone “that black girl.. or that spanish girl” cuz in that context it would imply that the person who is calling that person out is a diff race, and is probably in a place where that person being called out and described by their race/color is a minority in that place.
    Like in a room full of white ppl and you are white you wouldn’t say… :”that white girl sitting bye the tree” and I think that is the main difference. It really fucking sucks to feel like an outcast and a minority. I mean like, a white person is just a person til they are in a room or ‘hood full of brown people then all of a sudden bang… snow fucking white. And from my experience white people try very very hard to not be in that uncomfortable situation.

    Us brown and asian folk, feel that ALWAYS… watching television & reading magazines that don’t pertain to “urban culture”. We are never just accepted as the norm we have “hip-hop” ,”exotic” , “oriental”, “ghetto” “bilingual” stapled to us.

    I am Nuyorican (Prican+New York), who does not speak a lick of spanish. Too proper for the hood to hood to ever be proper. I am adopted,… my whole life is an identity crisis. I grew up in CHINA TOWN… my jr high was 80% chinese! I had diff hair… diff eyes then my peers but at the same time my peers were minorities too in the world. They couldnt watch TV either and see too many role models from the same background just like me. They were trying to find their style and place in the world just like me too. so that was cool. But to be honest the bigger picture was always Black and White… either you dress black or white… either you talk black or white. But in my little world growing up I lived in the in between, but as I have gotten older I realize how harsh that those two ends of the spectrum really are. Racism is real yo. Stereo types are loud. There is so much beauuuuttyyyy in the middle but peoples mind are really stuck on Black//White… and a lot of people are like “pick one”.

    (haha its 3:30am… I worked a 10 hr shift today my mind is all over the place, forgive me that my comment’s maaad long & if shit does not make any sense!)

  33. ….. a lot of people are just plain dumb.. no matter what color/race! they are dumb, and mean, and stubborn and fucking closed minded, I happen to think the most physically beautiful people in the world are bi-racial, and i think it symbolizes how beautiful the world is when boundaries are broken and minds/hearts are open to love and change.

  34. definitely an interesting issue and while you’re obviously not offending anyone or revealing yourself as a closeted racist I can’t really see how you are saying anything new or profound or even particularly pertinent on the issue.

  35. Woah!!! This is a totally awesome post. I’m so glad you covered this issue because it needs to be talked about!!! I can date guys of any race, I’m attracted to the person not the genre they’re into! – And people act like I’m strange. I just don’t understand it. Even people of my own race (White/Mexican) expect me to date a clean cut white dude, but NEVER a black dude. I like black dudes too and it really makes me take offense that people are still sensitive about people of vastly different ethnicity’s dating one another. What’s with this freaking world?!?! It’s sad that sometimes I feel our generation (20 – 30’s) isn’t open minded about this. I wish we could grow more than our parents and grandparents, I mean, we’re supposed to be cool and legit dudes and dudettes.

  36. After I posted my comment I decided to scroll up and read other peoples comments hoping other people would solidify my experience, and frustrations regarding racism as a whole, not just regarding racism directed and black people…

    This dude right here ferments my opinion about OUR generation not being open minded regarding all races just being what they are, ‘race’, this doesn’t define person or who they are or what they could mean to you, him, or bob next door. Dude————>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    LOL, on August 25th, 2009 at 7:12 pm Said:

    im a black male who enjoys your blog

    but these last 2 posts are slightly depressing.

    there are so many glaring/ annoying generalizations and naive inaccuracies most notably your victim hood about being accused of being a racist by an angry black guy who didn’t even accuse YOU. He just asked you something to serve as a point to the passively racist store clerk. But you are so instantly defensive you missed the point. I don’t even know where to begin with all the other stuff, and i don’t care to go through them all one by one.

    then lastly you end with a email from a black girl who clearly has a bug up her as about being black cause she has a penchant for white guys and indie music therefore resents that shes judged by whites cause of’ghetto blacks’ , and also being judged by ‘ghetto blacks’ cause she identifies mostly with white culture.

    This just takes the cake.


    ————->>>> I can’t understand how this dude who enjoys, and Alexi’s free spirit and wandering mind wouldn’t appreciate a thoughtfull opinion from Alexi, or a girl who happened to be black and happened to share her PERSONAL experience. What is wrong with someone having an opinion based on past situations??? Or how they felt racism was directed at them and how it affects them in their every day life? I just wanna call this black male out and let you know you’re a ‘hater’. Instead of spewing negativity you should let us in on how racism has affected your life, not as a black male but maybe as a dude who saw someone cut some mexican dude off and called him a wet back and you didn’t understand it. Racism is less about who people are and more about OUR attitudes. Defining what a race IS or IS NOT (I.E. a black girl who likes the indie persuasion, or white people association rap and hip hop with ‘African Americans) is feeding into Racism. Open your mind up and stop trying to call people out for being ‘politically correct’ or accurate in YOUR opinion.

  37. when i read this girls letter i felt like she was writing about me. as a young black female it is difficult to date when you are open to dating other races. when you are a black guy and you date a white girl, at least in my area, its not even looked at twice its the norm. but if a brownskinned black girl has a thing for a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes because she thinks hes dreamy you have to not only try and figure out if he thinks your cool but if he even would date ablack girl because chances are people would notice this couple more because it isnt as common. and as far as “acting” or “sounding” whitei hear that all the time from both whites and blacks. i simply tell them its offensive to me as a black person that when you meet me you think i will have no class and not know how to use the english language. im sorry but eventually i would like to have a legitimate job and have people respect em for my intellect. a lot of times they are shocked when i tell them out right that what they are saying is offensive but i dont go about it in a defensive way. i clearly explain it to them and hope that they can learn from me that just as all white people arent derelicts neither are black people. another thing i hear a lot is “youre pretty for a black girl” is that supposed to be a compliment? well it isnt. and some advice fro all teh white guys who tend to like black girls. if you are intersted in her justtalk to her like a human being. stating obvious facts like “you are black” or “im a white boy” is a no go. she knows what she is and she knwos what you are. trust me nothign else matters as long as you have good fucking conversation. but being dreamy doesnt hurt.

  38. I completely understand that girl’s email. I don’t even know where to start with this comment but I guess I’ll start with the fact that I’m Dominican so I look like I could be spanish, black, whatever I guess. I LOVE being me, I LOVE the color of my skin in the sunlight, I LOVE my dimples and my wild rocker extremely curly hair, I LOVE my body and my smile. But black people have come up to me and asked, “What ARE you?!” and it’s mad rude and it’s like they’re trying to make me feel bad about myself. They give me weird looks when I’m hanging with my stoner/metalhead/hipster/indie white friends, and those are all the friends I have, and I feel judged constantly! It doesn’t bother me too much, I’m a chill, carefree person who just likes to go to a good show, hang out, write for my blog, and dance in my spare time, but every once in a while my differences with my own race shine through.
    It’s weird though, because the only guys who seem interested in me are black or spanish. And I usually fall for white boys. Dilemma haha. I’ve never been attracted to a black or spanish guy because for some reason I never have anything in common with them and how they talk and act IS different from white guys! It’s not bad bu I’ve just noticed it’s different. I don’t know why! That isn’t stopping me from flirting with them or dating them but it’s just something I observed. How I don’t have anything in common with them is the problem. And all the black and spanish guys I know and met I just plain haven’t been attracted to physically. At all. It’s like my brain just loves white guys. I really can’t tell you whether its the culture I’m in or other outside influences or something in my brain. My celebrity crushes are Adrien Brody and Jake Gyllenhaal and Alexander Skarsgard and Nick Zinner for christs sake haha! Either way, I’ve only had a handful of white guys actually find me attractive. The others seem to write me off and go for my white friends, and frankly I think I’m beautiful, I’m very confident, and I think I’m very attractive so I don’t know if something in their brains tells them to go for white girls or I’m just not good to them. White guys who do like me say I have the perfect body and am gorgeous so what gives? Who knows… Race is such a confusing, intense issue and all I hope is that people can find a way to ignore it one day, treat it in a way that everyone accepts… like having five fingers on each hand.

  39. Hi there!

    First time on your site. I just want to comment and agree with the girl in your blog post. I’m a boy who happens to be madly crazy insanely boy crazy and it’s sad when I NEVER GET A BOY FROM ANOTHER RACE TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME (sorry for the Kanye all-caps). I’m a twenty-something black boy who loves sequins and listens to Chromeo (Dave 1 is my personal Jesus), yet it’s so hard for me to date outside my race and find someone who is genuine, funny, cool and an all around nice dude who doesn’t see color.

    It’s weird because a lot of white, arab, asian men when they first see me think I’m some deranged queen who is all about drama, when it’s not that. They base my skin color off of negative connotations that is sprinkled within the socioeconomic dimensions of what it is to be black, gay and young; all which are NOT true. Sometimes, I feel like I want to change these guys perceptions but often I think “If they really wanna get to know me, they will look at ME, not my race, color, creed etc”.

    I wish more people were accepting and open-minded in dating outside their race, in not generalizing a “black” thing or a “white” thing, or making race an issue, when it’s really not. It is about the character and context of a person, not what they look like. But sadly, we’ve haven’t accomplished that goal as a society yet 🙁

  40. 1. There’s no such thing as reverse racism

    2. To be honest most of the black people i associate myself with are not offended by the term “black”. However it’s in the way in which you use it. If you use it in an offensive way, of course the person you’re using it against will be offended. But I know for myself as well as others, we don’t consider ourselves African American because our family isn’t from Africa. Just my two cents.

    3. As for the dating aspect, I am a black/latina female who dates outside my race. I personally am not attracted to Black men, but I wouldn’t say I haven’t laid my eyes on a handsome black man and I also wouldn’t turn down a date from a black guy who had similar interest to mine.

    When I was younger and struggling to get a date, I constantly wonder if a white, spanish, asian, south asian guy would be interested in me, simple because i wasn’t their race. As I got older and gain confidence I realize that is not always the case, many are interested in dating outside of their race.

    I am a women’s studies major and we’re constantly critiquing race, gender and sexuality. And what really struck me about dating outside your race is how it’s a fine line of fetishism/eroticizing. It’s hard to figure out if who you like is someone you’re truly are attracted to or its something you’re attracted to because it’s different from what you are.

    That being said, I think love in general is beautiful and interracial loving is extraordinarily beautiful. Date who you want to date, take chances and to hell with whatever anyone else has to says/thinks.

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