BLOG » the blind leading the blind part 17:
1. relationships get sloppy and crazy. you can’t be seen by someone else when you’re single. at least NOT the way you can when you’re in a serious relationship. (by ‘seen’ i mean letting someone get close enough to you and getting to know you enough to ‘see’ all your worst traits; your weaknesses; your anger; rage; hopelessness; wants; fears; needs; insecurities; demons. the side of you only your family knows or sees. when you scream and yell and are on your worst behavior; the real you, at your worst and most raw. at your ugliest and/or most vulnerable. that’s what i mean when i say- letting someone ‘see’ you.)
being ‘seen’ is hard, but if you are with someone you love- who’s worth it- you can work through it AND it will make you STRONGER! besides, if you don’t open up and let yourself be ‘seen’ by the person you’re with now, you’re just going to have to deal with it in the next relationship you’re in.
2. i don’t mean to state the obvious but: tote bags SCREAM ‘youth’! So hurry up and buy one today!
3. when hanging out with a new guy you like… do your
best NOT to talk about twittering, face-booking and whatever other
social networking you may be doing lately (he does not give a fuck how
many hits your band got or who follows your twits)… and PLEASE bitch,
put the phone away … that text from Cathy about going to whole foods
later can wait if you actually enjoy spending face time with another
human being. -courtesy of Jason Dill.
4. don’t use antiperspirants. they cause cancer. just plain DEODORANT is ok though – like toms of Maine or the crystal.
5. eat watermelon! It’s fucking awesome.
6. stop saying fuck so much. Especially in public. Let’s face it, it makes you look like a sloppy derelict!
7. pumice your heels you monster! if you wanna wear flip flops, it’s just part of the deal!
8. dont you dare go to a day spa, which involves soaking in a community pool- when there is blood gushing out of your vagina. This isn’t ok. you yucky monster! Use your common sense. And trying to fake people out by tucking in your tampon string isn’t ok either. What if you had aids?
9. whatever you do, don’t talk on your phone while you’re driving! Not even on speaker with one hand! Eventually you will be pulled over by a copper!
10. if you DO happen to go against this advice, and you DO get pulled over: hopefully you will be wearing a sundress. Push your boobs together nonchalantly, pull your dress up a teeny tiny bit to reveal a hint of thigh, keep saying I’m sorry and that you’ve learned your lesson. Then, if all else fails, ask to interview him for your blog. It worked for me.