BLOG » PART 2 – the things we do to keep from being alone:


sometimes you just want to cum. but what’s better? masturbating or basically being licked/jerked off by some disconnected stranger? is it better to just be alone when you’re not looking or even wanting to be in love/a serious relationship? or is that the perfect time to mess around with someone who shares this same mentality: night time sexy rendezvous, and then focusing on work the next day? this ACTUALLY does sound possible and logical and male.

whether it’s my female emotions, or just my ego getting bruised – I’d like to not be so sensitive. i have too much work to do to dwell and make extra drama for myself- wondering if a dude i don’t even like, that i wouldn’t even want as my bf, is gonna call! a dude I’m probably only drawn to because his finger was inside of me and he smells like man? because i invested my time and energy and revealed myself to a dude, and i’m stuck on him ONLY because i don’t want to spread myself too thin revealing myself, exposing myself, making certain faces, and being naked in front of someone else? it doesn’t make any sense! it’s ego! but it is more than that too.

my very blunt and direct male platonic friend ALSO told me that just because a guy doesn’t fall in love with you or wanna marry you or be your boyfriend- doesn’t mean he can’t/doesn’t think you’re special. personally, I’m learning that I need someone to respect me, be intrigued by me, and at least meet me out in public and take me to drinks (shirley temples) before I have an epic make-out romp. I learned this the hard way- which still felt pretty good. on second thought though, i think i could handle just a physical thing. clearly this has taught you nothing except that i’m confused and working shit out. regardless, whatever you, or i end up doing- always use protection! i love you.

ps: a girl reader wrote to me and said that i should ‘fling till i fall in love’. whch i totally agree with! that’s the thing: if i know one thing, it’s that I’m totally open to love. I’m not desperate to be in a relationship. But I’m also excited about when, where, and how my next love will come to me! I’m not bitter or jaded! Xo

18 Responses to “PART 2 – the things we do to keep from being alone:”

  1. Alexi,

    What if you meet some bitchin dude, and everything goes well, you guys are dating and you believe it’s going in the right direction. This is the dude you’ve been waitin for… Then he says, ‘sorry I’m not really ready for anything right now’ (Boy haven’t we heard that a million times) – What will you feel then? That maybe the fling til you find love is getting old, and maybe that wasn’t the right way to go about it anyway? My problem with fling until love is that you could find someone who enjoys you just as much as you enjoy them, but then you find out they don’t want you like that. That gets painful, and shit like that, in my opinion, makes you jaded….

  2. you have some great insight. i’ve been going back and forth in this confusing struggle in my head. my ex broke up with me 3 months ago and now that i’ve moved on…at least a little…i have no idea if i should just do what i want and have sex with whoever i want.. or if i should be a “good girl” and only have sex with guys who fall in love with me. my ex always told me that if i have sex with too many guys that no one will want to marry me. do you think this is true? because i don’t want to sabotage my chances of marrying the man of my dreams.

  3. oh man we are living the same life right now. p.s. i forgot to send you the gofugyourself link, so there’s your reminder to google it! Also being hung up on dudes just because you can, is all fun and games until you find yourself googling his name. whoops. it always just turns me all crazy. i think i have to become anti-la boys for a bit.

  4. Dear Alexi

    I love to hear blunt honesty about a womans emotions.
    Most ladies bullshit so much and fight what they really want, what they really crave.
    I wish more ladies, at least more in my life could make the same realizations that you do.


  5. These two blog entries are so pertinent to my life right now. These are always topics that I give some attention to, but I feel like I am reaching the same conclusions as you are right now. Or similar ones.

    Its funny, I recently hooked up with a guy who is in my outer social circle (and recently broken up with his girlfriend in 3 months ago.) Anyway, I feel like the drama of the whole situation post hookup may not have been worth the satisfaction of sexy times with a long time (shallow) crush. That, and walking away from it made me feel so empty. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about it, but I hate not caring about a person Im having sex with. It feels empowering to be emotionally detached…but the despondency and disconnectedness of that is really ….heart wrenching? In a way?

    Either way, I dont know anymore if Im closed to love even though I want it so badly! Such a strange feeling!


    WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT A SUPERHOT GUY COULD EVERRR WORK AT 7 ELEVEN! A BRITISH ONE! the economy is opening up a lot new territory…thats all I’ve got to say. I practically forgot to sign my receipt to day I was so taken aback by tall brunette BEAUTY!! I wish I could do a boy crazy interview with this dude!

  6. do an interview with him and e-mail it to me and i’ll put it up!

  7. Alexi, do you ever think about being celibate for a while? Please don’t think I’m judging you, it just seems like a lot of your problems stem from confusion about your sex life. Maybe if you take sex out of the equation for a time things will get clearer.
    Hope things get better!

  8. Go for it until you’re jaded.

  9. “woman is hungry, and she wants to be fed.
    she is thirsty, and wants to drink.
    She is in a rut and wants to be possessed.
    Such abominable qualities!”


  10. = full of fail.

  11. rebeccajane said it best.

    Take some time off. Trust me, with your looks, there will always be plenty of opportunities out there.

    Some times, a little break from dating, gives you time to reset, clear your head, get back to what’s important in life …

    Once you’re back to that point, the rest will fall into place.

    I’m certainly not a prude, and there is a time and place where “Friends with Benefits” are a good thing in your life.

    It doesn’t sound like that is where you’re at, right now.

    Take a break, you never know, while on break, you may just stumble on Mr. Right. (Serendipity)


  12. thanks james and rebecca… if i were having sex i would totally refrain. but i haven’t slept with anyone since by break up, so i’m already celibate. xo

  13. this is awesome.. well put. i feel the same way. and i’m a fat fuckin’ dude. think about that.

  14. Ok,

    The way I see it is, it takes time. I recently lost my boyfriend, passed away. I hadn’t had sex in forever. I recently did and I didn’t cry after, I saw the empty look in his eyes, the passion was great. But there was no love. Yet, it was great. I didn’t just sleep with anyone either. You’re right, everyone really should be more careful with who they share themselves with. Its important. Its a big deal.

    But it takes time, no matter what.
    Break up or life after death.

    So don’t be so hard on yourself, its normal to feel bad. The first time I had sex after everything I was drunk. The next time I was sober. I was terrified, I was laughing, I didn’t know what to do with myself. At least he found my crazy actions/behavior funny. Or maybe he was just laughing because I made him nervous. Who knows!? Who cares?!

    I guess I just can’t stress enough that it takes time. When the time is right to move on in your sex life you will know.


    Ps. Its not all you either, you just need to find a man that is strong enough to handle you all of you. The good and the bad, and from experience I’ve learned that there are many different people for each phase in your life. You’ll find a beautiful boy that will meet you were you are at in your life right now and it will be magical for an hour or five or maybe even the rest of your life!

  15. Thank you so much for that! Really. Lot’s of love, alexi

  16. I’m convinced males can feel the same way when it comes to shackin up and getting burned, they just don’t voice their disappointments (most the time they just develop trust issues against women and maybe take it out on the next one. Like me).

    That being said, if you don’t pay for anything it isn’t worth that much, especially when the currency is your own emotional investment. Pain in the ass a lot of the time, but hopefully worth the effort. Cheers to Shirley Temples!

    You need a NYC counterpart. That’d be fun.

  17. Hi Alexi,
    Your ranting really helps me coping with the break-up I’ve just experienced. Thanks 🙂
    So I was wondering if you could come up with a playlist -sort of- of the songs that you should listen, either to drawn yourself in misery, enjoy the shits in your life (just to have one good cry before moving on), or songs to move on and embrace your singleness. Whatever.
    So, yeah, maybe you consider my idea. I’m “stuck” with Sigur Ros, Fix you by Coldplay, & Eleven Shades of Red by Samantha Tobey. Nothing else can seem to fine-tune my heart. Help me out..



  18. I really think you should do like a …what is the word…fuck im drawing a blank…. no i got it, you should do like a thing where you take a girls question, like question of the day, and answer it (duh) but for real like example, ( see actually im not sure you might even have been doing this, in all honesty i just started reading this, thanks to nylon and ever so quickly im hooked!)

    but like i said, for example,

    what should i girl do when she gets in between 2 good friends, ( i slept with both of them, but i swear not at the same time)

    help a girl out, i really like bachelor number 2 but we are afraid to tell people we are bumping uglys.

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