BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 19):

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1. tweezers, your face, and time to kill- don’t mix. they CAN mix. but they SHOULDN’T mix.

2. if you don’t tell him that you had a sex dream about him, you’ll never know if he had a sex dream about you!

3. if YOU say ‘I hate gyms’ to a guy you meet at the gym and HE says ‘how can you hate gyms, you’re here aren’t you?’ Just say ‘I hate condoms too, but just like they HAVE to be worn, I HAVE to go to the gym. It just sux! That’s all.’

4. don’t touch newspapers. they make your fingertips super yuck and WAY dirty. have someone read the news to you (maybe the same person who buys you your toilet paper), or look over their shoulder.

5. it’s not cool to be a scumbag.

6. the word is ‘unkempt’, not unkept. the other day someone corrected me when I used the word unkempt- referring to messy hair. that’s when I knew, the state of the world is fucked- just a little bit.

7. it’s espresso, not ex-presso!

8. it’s called ‘portion control’. look into it fat head!

9. NEVER do something you don’t want to do. If you get asked to do some kind of lame favor/job/task/project to help someone out and you make the mistake of saying yes- it would be better to cancel at the last minute, than go through with it at all.

10. if you hang your foot over the edge of your bed while you’re sleeping, a monster that lives under your bed will TOTALLY grab your foot and rip it off. Be careful!


9 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 19):”

  1. hahahaa at numero 8, I am currently putting in my last week at Panda Express… now I am no skinny biatch, but a LARGE moutain dew cannot be good for anyone.. our larges are like fucking super duper sized… its monster. a 3 entree plate can feed a small family of three or a cute couple… not ONE. Ppl are insane.


  2. I always make sure that my feet are tucked tightly under blankets for the sake of keeping them safe from monsters!!!


  3. some people are happy about being fat.
    BUT. you don’t have to portion control if you run that shit off.
    eating my cheeseburger. grumble grumble. with fries.


  4. i mean, they’re not happy BECAUSE they’re fat. they’re just happy and being fat doesn’t bother them. so just mind ya business.


  5. okay, can you please publish a book? please? because you’re a genius, and not only would it get you more readers (for your blog) but then you could tell guys that you’ve published a book and that would totally make you look even more attractive and awesome. just sayin’


  6. i have a pretty decent vocabulary but the word that comes to mind time and time again when i read your blog is “amen.” so, amen, alexi.

    (and i 2nd the notion of you writing a book. i need a good book.)


  7. i’ve only recently discovered your blog, but i must say. as someone so enamored with boys day AND night, i thought there would be more mention of sex dreams. plus now that you’re single, their is one good thing about not getting laid, and that’s the hyper realistic sex dreams that can result.


  8. I am totally guilty of number 7


  9. the ex-presso thing bugs me to no foreseeable end. seriously.


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