BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 19):
1. tweezers, your face, and time to kill- don’t mix. they CAN mix. but they SHOULDN’T mix.
2. if you don’t tell him that you had a sex dream about him, you’ll never know if he had a sex dream about you!
3. if YOU say ‘I hate gyms’ to a guy you meet at the gym and HE says ‘how can you hate gyms, you’re here aren’t you?’ Just say ‘I hate condoms too, but just like they HAVE to be worn, I HAVE to go to the gym. It just sux! That’s all.’
4. don’t touch newspapers. they make your fingertips super yuck and WAY dirty. have someone read the news to you (maybe the same person who buys you your toilet paper), or look over their shoulder.
5. it’s not cool to be a scumbag.
6. the word is ‘unkempt’, not unkept. the other day someone corrected me when I used the word unkempt- referring to messy hair. that’s when I knew, the state of the world is fucked- just a little bit.
7. it’s espresso, not ex-presso!
8. it’s called ‘portion control’. look into it fat head!
9. NEVER do something you don’t want to do. If you get asked to do some kind of lame favor/job/task/project to help someone out and you make the mistake of saying yes- it would be better to cancel at the last minute, than go through with it at all.
10. if you hang your foot over the edge of your bed while you’re sleeping, a monster that lives under your bed will TOTALLY grab your foot and rip it off. Be careful!