BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 21):

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1. if you like a girl, just call her. please CALL her.

2. if you like a boy, DON’T call him. Let him call YOU!

3. don’t wait for the phone to ring. you should be juggling men, reading a book, going to the gym, and working towards taking over the world ALL AT ONCE!

4. Hey m cafe- how about you take the raw onions out of the kale salad. What are you trying to do, ruin my life?!

5. only make out with boys who have been on Oprah or have an extensive wikipedia page.

6. nobody likes a star fucker.

7. NEVER obsess over a dude – whether you’re in a relationship OR single.

8. here’s a secret: everyone comes out of a vagina-unless they were removed via c section OR a mistaken miscarriage that swam to the surface of the toilet bowl or carpet it landed in. So don’t let someone make you feel less then, OR not as good as them. Unless they ARE better-cuz that does happen sometimes too. Sorry.

9. don’t talk shit. it’s just a good habit to break! ESPECIALLY if you don’t mean it.ย cuz even if you DON’T talk shit, I’m sure some asshole out there is saying you said something that you didn’t. and if you DO talk shit – people talk and it will get back to the person you’re ragging on. yeah RAGGING!

10. DUDES: if you WANT to be celibate, you don’t HAVE to grow a goatee! but it will definitely help!


26 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 21):”

  1. don’t 5 and 6 slightly contradict each other?


  2. Oh gosh, I so agree with you on these!

    I was not a player, but I’m becoming one….guys need to be led, without realizing it!

    and let’s go on with our lives in the meantime!

    France vs. US, same shit!


  3. Alexi, I luh ya! That goatee thing just HAD to be said!


  4. I agree with the goatee thing,however look at B-rad Pitt
    he has one and is bangin that Joleezy pussay.


  5. DEFINITELY agree with the goatee thing and any variation of the ‘soul patch’ too.

    This list is fantastic, as always.


  6. Lol @ #4.
    I can totally hear ur voice saying that.

    <3


  7. i think this is the best one yet


  8. I hate that you made a video of Bikini Mishap. It was funny as a written thought it is gross and sketchy as a realized video. I still think that the first two videos that you made were your strongest.


  9. #10- funny enough, I like men with goatees, I think they give off a cool vibe. It’s the Bin Ladens and any type of mustache that I can’t stand to look at.


  10. blind leading the blind are my favorite! wish you would post more (and more often) and more of your past relationship stories, preferably teenage years!


  11. Please do post more! I’m especially enjoying the videos, like the how (not) to do your makeup quickly. You crack me up lady!


  12. I couldn’t agree more about those onions!!!


  13. i love your blog!!!
    and i saw you on a bing.com commercial today, umm you were pretty epic!
    :)


  14. i love your blog!!!
    and i saw you on a bing.com commercial today, umm you were pretty epic!
    :)


  15. 5 and 6 condradict??? um, no they don’t! esp if you’re following rule 7. cause, duh, if you’re doing 7 it’s impossible to do 6.


  16. Oprah? What about Conan? ))(( I saw Me & You and Everyone We Know and Miranda July sort of reminded me of you. Also everyone needs to see two goth kids with the Obamas: http://bit.ly/CfsXI


  17. No.7 is true. Sometimes getting too obsessed won’t get him to notice you or let alone like you. heeeee

    And no.10 I like !! Goatee is way way sexy !


  18. The goatee comment — definitely true. Even though I generally love the 90s can’t stand goatees.


  19. But… but… Layne Staley, people! LAYNE STALEY!!!

    Though I suppose he just proves that only demi-gods and mythical creatures can pull it off.


  20. argghhh alexi i hate meyhnnn(obviously it means love)
    but i do number 7…alot
    hahahah..
    ps: i love ure dog aswell
    ohhhh i need to interview u 4 online magazine-blog thing..ok..ill msg u on twitter

    xxxx


  21. #7 has nothing to do with 6. 5 says only make out with relatively famous people, and you can infer from #6 to not go around looking to bang stars. the two rules go against each other.


  22. yeah goatees blow, but how do you feel about a grizzly mountain man beard?


  23. Hey I found this on Julia blog, it looks like you! Is it you?
    Love your blind leading the blind. Best advice, every time.

    http://julia.blogg.se/2009/september/milk.html?_tmp=3fecf4e3c31203c6e0dad535e290f5d88755b2a4


  24. Wouldn’t a miscarriage survivor have come out of a vaj as well…?


  25. this is an awesome reminder, so if i start breaking one of these rules I’ll hear your voice in my head saying: “NOOOOO”


  26. i definataly agree with #10


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