BLOG » it’s so funny:
I told him, when I met his parents for the first time, how it made me squirm a bit. he was another guy I had fallen in love with and this was another family I’d get close to. If it didn’t work out- and obviously it eventually didn’t- I would have opened myself up to another group of people who i’d have to say goodbye to; friends and family.
Now, looking back, it stings- especially when I think back to the day my most recent ex and I broke up. him saying that he didn’t talk about our break up with his dad because his dad would have just been harsh towards ME and that his step mom advised him not to see me in person- after we’d broken up over the phone. Wow. Then when I called his friend that I’ve only ever been friendly with- who I’d consoled (via the phone) while he cried about his life and options and choices/who told me I made his relationship with (insert my ex’s name here) better and that he hoped we stay together forever- when I called him to get some advice and was in a bad place and needed to talk one human being to another- this friend of the ex snapped at me and told me he would have broken up with me two weeks into the relationship if he had been MY boyfriend- with all the tests and games I pulled with (ex).
Huh? Had he been in the relationship with me? No. Had I only ever been loving towards him? Yes. Didn’t he know how emotionally closed off his friend/my ex could be? I thought so. He should. Wow. This was a wake up call. Never consider your bf’s friends your own. Their friends are their friends. And their family is their family.
Later- when the ex and I were amicabley broken up, he said not to worry about the friends behavior. The friend was just defensive and being protective of him. I get that. But, when I flipped the situation and thought about how I would treat a person, I realized I would have never snapped and been so cold and rude. And now that there’s been more time since my breakup, and as I continue to only say nice things about my ex when people ask why we’ve split- the only person that’s left me with a bad taste in my mouth is his friend and his behavior. Behavior from a guy who preaches being understanding, and having empathy for the human condition; someone who is very emotional himself. If my ex and I don’t hate each other, he needn’t be so rude.
As I move on and WHEN i fall in love with the next man I choose to make important in my life- I’m not gonna let this experience make me be closed off. I’m not gonna get jaded or bitter. I’m gonna remain open, and meet the next love of my life’s friends and family, and love them as if they were my own. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope they don’t act like total unfeeling, asshole, hypocrites for no good reason – if the whole thing goes awry/falls apart. That’s the hardest part sometimes- staying open and childlike and always believing in love. but i am, and i do. I love you. Xo
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in my last relationship, i was so close to my ex’s friends. they were actually my friends before i even met/dated the ex. but now, complete silence. if i see them in town, they ignore me. i literally lost my entire circle of friends when i dumped my ex. i agree, it freakin’ blows. but i am still open to my new guys’ friends. i think the lesson to be learned from all this is men can be just as catty as women. we so do not have the cornerstone on that trait.
Wow, that’s harsh! Glad you’re still staying open to other people, though. There are really just a bunch of the rotten ones we have to weed through.
that was so mean. i guess everything teaches you something and at least you didnt let that experience break you down. you blog is the best btw because it is real, relaxed, and fun, so I just had to blog about u own my own blog cuz i want all 3 of my readers lol to see what they r missing…good luck with life!!!
Get it on with a hot Eskimo stud who hates the small-minded people in his village and hangs on his private iceberg: no such worries, plus – free fish!
I introduced my ex to all my friends and when he dumped me they all chose him and I was the understanding one, who as you dealt with an emotionally closed off guy. I just saw them all the other day for the first time in months and they acted like I had leprosy or something????
One of my friends set me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends. We surprisingly hit it off, and dated for about three months. Then we had a bad breakup over something completely trivial, and now she and her boyfriend don’t talk to me at all. I know how you feel, and I’m so sorry.
i moved to another town and now can’t stop eating and feeling fat. it’s a vicious circle. what can i do to break it?
hey!!what’s up?!haven’t u already posted this??
anyway, nice to read it again!!
xo
never be surprised when people turn their back on you. people have much more fun vilifying others than trying to sympathize or understand. you probably should not have called his friend but we’ve all been there and done the same thing (im sure we all got a similarly disturbing response). good luck with all that. dudes are shitty. forever. especially in groups.
That was rather rude of that friend to say.
I’m really close with my boyfriend’s family now and they do treat me really well. And I treat them like m own too.
I guess its good to be loving to people and people do love you back,with no ill intentions:)
I’m with you. To stay loving is a choice… I’ll stay loving and childlike too. Alternatives… I was going to list them but who cares!!! Thank you for being honest and open. xoxoxox
this made me cry. stay open and childlike… all of us. this planet is better for it <3
I’m with you Alexi. We’re rare and few. Don’t stop believing (in love). You’re a gem. I love YOU!
Good god, you whine a lot….
Just curious: is it James Ransone or Jason Dill? You’ve talked about them so often…
It’s the most annoying thing when people suddenly label you as someone’s ex-girlfriend, as though you are just this negative thought and have no life or identity beyond that. Every person is so much more than just someone’s ex.
Those last three sentences really hit me. But you can do this! I can do this! We can do this!