BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 22):

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1. important people drink diet coke! BUT drinking diet coke will not make you important.

2. try to reserve your inane, boring, self indulgent phone conversations to the privacy of your own home. And if your windows are open- close them asshole! People can hear you! And the secret is: they don’t want to! your voice is noise.

3. watch a guy masturbate to know how he likes to be touched and ‘taken care of’.

4. guys AND girls: do NOT crack your knuckles in front of someone you want to make out with or sexxx! It’s not enticing in any way/shape/or form.

5. yes, i know the blinking red light on your blackberry has somehow turned into the most exciting thing in your life! It could be anyone or anything! But don’t let everyone around you know how exciting this is for you.

6. Windex your bathroom mirror you dirty bitch! the puss, from the zits you pop when you’re all alone, that sprays on the mirror – will TOTALLY give you away every time!

7. if I were sinead o’connor- i would make a come back by growing out my hair, performing a song on Saturday night live, while holding up a picture of the pope- and then NOT tear it up.

8. when someone walks by in a skirt that’s way too short, it’s like watching ice skating- you have to stare cuz you’re waiting for the skater to fall/skirt to blow up and vadge or bum to be exposed!

9. when buying a blank autograph book at the Disneyland gift store- you aren’t supposed to use it to practice signing your own autograph. Don’t make the same mistake I did. It could be way embarrassing.

10. keep your legs closed to married men! (courtesy of NeNe from real housewives of Atlanta)


19 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 22):”

  1. I get all my advice from the Real Housewives. They are wealthy and on TV. They must be doing something right.


  2. #10 for real! Nene is so boss. she seriously knows whats up. seriously. if I could sound like anyone in the world, I would sound like her. even though that might look weird on a scrawny 15 year old white girl. oh well, a girl can dream.


  3. nene is so tight


  4. loving the NeNe reference.


  5. #11. Use wikipedia/interns to double check spelling of last names of people in reference.

    I only bring this up because I am part Irish. Great stuff as always! New zine coming your way soon.


  6. That was super fast!

    Alexi/Interns, well done on the speedy edit.


  7. the sinead o connor come back! dude!


  8. Can #2 please include elevators? We are trapped in a small metal cubicle! I know it’s awkward! But I don’t want to hear you! It’s cheating! But don’t stare at your phone and wait for the blinking red light either… Just smile. See? Easy.

    cAPSLOCKKILLS


  9. Regarding 5– I seriously feel like blackberrys have killed otherwise normal peoples social skills. In the middle of me telling you aabout my day, please don’t interrupt me to show me the text your friend just sent you about making out with a superhottie at the party friday night. Do i know your friend? No. Was i at the party? No. So do i care? No. Now back to talking about me.


  10. oh my god number nine.. did you know you were writing my life? when i met victoria beckham like a decade ago she didn’t realize there was a spice girl called ali and that i’d met her a zillion times..


  11. hey i just realized you’re the girl from the Bing commercial


  12. No.3 yes yes,its is important to do so. Improves sex life:))

    And oops and no. 6 !!! Hahaha I’m guilty of that. Have to clean up my mirror now then. It would be disgusting if my guys see all those <3


  13. lovelovelove!!! keep them coming babygurrrl


  14. #4 true – as a guy, knuckle cracking is a big turn off

    #5 my blackberry light is the most exciting part of my life, which is pathetic but I’m glad someone can relate

    #6 is hilarious

    #9 makes you incredibly endearing

    It is 3:07 AM and I should be sleeping but am instead reading your blog posts. I am so glad the internet exists for people like me.


  15. Crap, I’ve crossed the line of #10 like several times. Would that sounds nicer if it’s rephrased as: I’m borrowing her husband for a while? No?


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  17. re #1. Be very careful with Diet Coke. Psychos also drink it. They give it away in the pysch ward as they don’t let the patients drink coffee. If people drank that much regular Coke instead of coffee or Diet Coke…. well, fat city. Then, they’re addicted to it for life and then later, maybe it causes alzheimer’s? (The jury is still out.) Daniel Johnston fell in love with Mountain Dew for more or less the same reason. Best to ignore your sweet tooth.


  18. We fairly accept your mindset, this web site is very superior, superior furthermore, refueling.


  19. number six

    it’s strangely charming that despite how harsh you can be on others for their appearance, you’re still so blunt/open about your own experiences. because honestly, that is not something you know unless you experienced it first hand. (i didn’t know that, ha.)

    it’s nice, because otherwise, you can come off as a bitch sometimes. a refreshing, empowered, blunt bitch, but still.


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