BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 22):
1. important people drink diet coke! BUT drinking diet coke will not make you important.
2. try to reserve your inane, boring, self indulgent phone conversations to the privacy of your own home. And if your windows are open- close them asshole! People can hear you! And the secret is: they don’t want to! your voice is noise.
3. watch a guy masturbate to know how he likes to be touched and ‘taken care of’.
4. guys AND girls: do NOT crack your knuckles in front of someone you want to make out with or sexxx! It’s not enticing in any way/shape/or form.
5. yes, i know the blinking red light on your blackberry has somehow turned into the most exciting thing in your life! It could be anyone or anything! But don’t let everyone around you know how exciting this is for you.
6. Windex your bathroom mirror you dirty bitch! the puss, from the zits you pop when you’re all alone, that sprays on the mirror – will TOTALLY give you away every time!
7. if I were sinead o’connor- i would make a come back by growing out my hair, performing a song on Saturday night live, while holding up a picture of the pope- and then NOT tear it up.
8. when someone walks by in a skirt that’s way too short, it’s like watching ice skating- you have to stare cuz you’re waiting for the skater to fall/skirt to blow up and vadge or bum to be exposed!
9. when buying a blank autograph book at the Disneyland gift store- you aren’t supposed to use it to practice signing your own autograph. Don’t make the same mistake I did. It could be way embarrassing.
10. keep your legs closed to married men! (courtesy of NeNe from real housewives of Atlanta)