BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 24):
1. dear homeless people, stop smelling SO gross on MY time. I understand that you can’t/won’t bathe- but why do you have to walk past my booth table at whole foods while I’m eating and leave a trail of sour stench? it isn’t cool. so beat it!
2. someone told me that if you get a yeast infection, you should soak a tampon in plain yogurt and stick it in your vadge. I’m not saying YOU should do this, but I thought you should know that SOME people do this and you might be talking to one of them RIGHT NOW and not even know it!
3. the new vadge coif for fall: bare on the bottom, full on retro bush on top. not only does it look great in a photo, it’s totally helpful/conducive to having your pussy licked and loved.
4. clean the grease off your phone yuck face!
5. stop chewing sugar free gum. It makes your tummy tum act all weird and gurgly!
6. stop chewing sugar gum. It’ll totally rot your teeth dude!
7. just because he’s famous, doesn’t mean he’s worth catching herpes from.
8. if you ARE gonna get herpes- it’s way cooler to contract them from someone who’s been on a billboard.
9. when going on dates- assume every potential escort is a murderer. It’ll be incentive to think a bit more clearly and protect yourself from the bad guys/girls.
10. the initials V.I.P. stand for ‘very important person’. wtf?! How ridiculous is this? And who came up with it? how elitist and rude! if i created the world and social etiquette and all it’s rules, i wouldn’t have velvet ropes and special standing areas, and blatant ways of discriminating /distinguishing who’s more important than another. i mean, like, maybe if i threw a party or whatevs- i would let my mom and my best friends have a special table at a club or something, actually, my mom’s too old for the table at the imaginary club that doesn’t discriminate – in my mind’s eye. but she can be the door lady. and like maybe no fat people, even though they’re nice, but like, now that i am making the rules, i kinda have to re-think things. ok, how’s this: no fatty, yuck, ugly faces with pimples allowed at the party. but they are totally cool to hang out with outside of a party. like at a restaurant, but not a super hip restaurant. ok, yeah, that sounds better. back to the club party: only my friends, and like super cute, or like very skinny, and famous people are allowed in my club with no lame ass v.i.p. section. cause sections are just rude. hmm, but it would make my beautiful cool famous pretty and/or skinny guests feel REALLY UUBER cool if the antithesis of them were standing nearby and staring at them with jealousy, envy, and bitterness in their eyes. hmm, but how do we make sure the ugly lamos who put the other people on pedestals don’t tip toe too close? shit, we might need a rope. but it doesn’t have to be red velvet. gold? no, let’s make it white leather. yeah. perfect. TOTALLY DIFFERENT! the asshole who created velvet ropes, signs, and initials reading ‘v.i.p.’ should take some pointers from me! there’s a way to party without being all elitist and rude!
it’s coif. quaffe made me think queef, which was confusing.
I love you, but you should have kept it at nine — ten is contradicting? mean? awkward? unnecessary? (-2) But it fits perfectly with the picture so (+1).
#10 is a contradiction? are you serious? no way!
ps: thank you for the spell check, spellcheck. i changed it. xo
i love you also, but 10 is a huge contradiction. also, quit being such a bitch to homeless people. go sleep in a box and see if you give two shits if you gross rich people out. you should go volunteer at a homeless shelter and grow some compassion. BE NICE.
I used to like your blog, until I read # 10. You’re saying how VIP sections are rude, but discriminating against fat people isn’t? Reading stuff like that, especially when written by girls who are obviously already insecure about their bodies makes me sick. Use your blog to share things with an actual meaning and that could contribute to something productive and insightful, you’re in your twenties and you act like you just hit puberty and discovered what sex was. Grow up and keep your rude and unnecessary comments to yourself. You’ve lost all of my respect.
i have a feeling #10 was supposed to be a contradiction, yes?
i usually like this blog but today’s entry sucks
#1 is mean and really immature
#10 is ridiculous/not funny/rambling and to be honest you aren’t even what i would call “skinny” yourself- i saw you in shorts walking down melrose a few months ago.
Alexi, I love you dont get me wrong but woman 1 and 10, come on. Your better than that, dont be so critical and vain thats what the rest of LA is for
woah, yeah 10 is a bit of a wild tangent.
not that I have any insight being a unfamous non-VIP typical guy and all.
Careful your almost on the radar (or at least you want to be) and when you blow up this might haunt you
ooooooooo spooky.
seeing so many people think you’re serious when you say shit that’s outrageous and contridicting makes me sadder than i was when i came here. and i come here to not be sad. fucking stop, people.
I was the homeless guy who walked by you at whole foods that day.I’m sorry you didn’t like my pheromones all up in the breeze,holla
Wow. 10 is very obviously a joke. Jesus! I bet you’re all that slow and easily offended girl who pretends to laugh at jokes. Learn some wit you thick skulled retards
your white rope should also keep out anyone that is hyper-serious and doesn’t know what satire is.
hahahaha!!!
does anyone understand #10?serioulsy??
I wonder what did they use to like about your blog if they can’t even read between lines…
anyway, I laughed a lot with comment #11 (thedayafteryoudie)!!!
oh, and…#7 and #8 are a contradiction!!!!!
hahaha!!
you’re f u n
Wow, I guess we don’t recognize sarcasm when we see it.
I hope a stinky homeless person steals your food one of these days. you do sound like a complete bitch…”show some compassion” is correct.
and wow, sarcasm people!
If you’re going to write something that’s overly sarcastic or overly satirical and not meant to be taken seriously, you should make it more OBVIOUS. I’m not a moron, I’m not hyper-serious, and I am able to recognize and appreciate sarcasm when I hear it. I am not, however, self absorbed or bitchy enough to read this blog and feel anything but complete and utter disappointment. I have always loved your blog, have always loved the fact that it’s just shallow and witty enough to make me feel better about myself and to temporarily distract me from all of the horrendous shit in the world. Shit that people like you choose to either ignore or to mock. But this post has helped me to realize that you are just another spoiled, self absorbed little girl living in a plastic Hollywood bubble. As a resident of Hollywood myself, I know what kind of affect this place has on people. But I refuse to be as blind or judgemental or as ignorant as you. You are fucking ridiculous. If you’re ever going to get anywhere with whatever talent you may have, I would recommend that first you grow the fuck up. Contradictory, satirical, shallow rants are A LOT more hilarious if they are coming from someone who is intelligent, classy, compassionate, and cool.
people suck… always lookin for reason to lynch someone… how can you not deduce after reading about yoghurt in vadge that this is satire retards!… i though it was a funny post… everyone thinks homeless peoples are gross and they know it, we all think it but dont say it… i feel sorry for them but not while im eating… i also hate that they ask for cigs and get too close, there i said it… peace
Y’all (I’m southern so fuck off on the “Y’all” comments)didn’t get #10? Go read Animal Farm again. And as far as the homeless thing, yeah they stink sometimes and there is nothing rude/heartless/uncaring with wanting them to stink somewhere else. Y’all need to grow the hell up. If you were all that compassionate you would be giving them soap along with a place to stay…and yet they are still homeless.
This post is immature, annoying and you’re not even “cute enough” to get away with it. Think for two seconds before you post such drivel. I hope one day you will experience homelessness. What a fucking idiot. I used to like your blog but now I won’t read it again. You can go fuck yourself.
PS
no wonder you’re single
#1 is disgusting
you really come off as a stupid spoiled bitch, i feel sorry for you and your delusions.
The only thing saving this post from being a total fail, is the boobs in the bath. The rest is self indulgent tom foolery, and is borderline egomaniacal, but hey welcome to Floss Angeles…..
did one of your interns write this?
When I am benevolent dictator, people will be put in jail for taking stuff too seriously.
oh my goodness people calm down, its called SATIRE you morons!
wtf since when do you have so many mean readers? why do i get the feelings its all one person?
also, the people who said you’re not that skinny and not that cute are being complete hypocrites by saying you should be trying to get young girls to love themselves. if YOU are fat and ugly, then i’m a monster.
even if it is satire, it’s satire that SUCKS.
it’s not even funny,
there is nothing of substance or creativity here
Last time I checked satire was labeled! (That’s coming from a journalist) Goodbye Alexi. It was a good few months.
Alexi…did you actually write this post? How fucking illiterate do you sound!? Every other word is LIKE. Please, for the sake of readers and their sanity, broaden your grasp on vocabulary and try include more fucking words and less Americanized garbage. LIKE LIKE LIKE.
I think you write shit like this cos it gets your more attention, pulls more readers and makes them want to comment. Nice scamming there, bitch
do you get paid for these posts? Cos I really don’t see where else you’re gonna get any money. Oh that was harsh…NO. WAIT A MINUTE. Read the above post, THAT’S fucking harsh.
Penelope… wow. If you need everything spelled out for you, you should just go home.
everybody chill the hell out.
if it’s satire, it’s really, really bad satire and you should probably quit.
#2 is eeeeeeeee . So disgusting ! I didn’t know that. ahahaha
Stop trying so hard, please.
you used to have insightful, witty advice/observations. i just perked up when i saw it was a blind leading the blind post.
i loved reading about babywipes before oral and not biting your nails and shit cuz you look like a repulsive mongrel. that was interesting.
this is pretty boring and frankly a bit offensive re: excluding everyone who isn’t some freak clone of you.
just. saying.
The second I see a blind leading the blind post, I can’t click fast enough to read it. Today, however, I was disappointed. #3,4,7 & 8 are redundant, I’m pretty sure you’ve mentioned them before. Lately it seems like you haven’t been yourself or that inspired. Maybe someone needs to write a blind leading the blind post for you? Don’t let the above cruel comments get to you. Roll with it. I am looking forward to your next blind leading the blind post. I know you’re better than that! Love you.
Why is everyone so upset about #10 I’m pretty sure it was a joke
This entry was so uncool. The more I read your blog the more I think you need to take a women’s studies class and appreciate all walks of life.
Ay yi yi, what a mess people!
I read everyone’s comments before I read the post! Holy Shit! Speaking your mind is never ever going to make everyone happy. Frankly, we all think F-ed up shit, and only a few people say what they think. AND, as you can see….speaking your mind isn’t always nice, well thought out, or profound. BUT, that’s what blogs are.
omg, why did everyone have to throw a temper tantrum and stick their heads up their ass, xoxo
come on people. it’s the fucking internet. if you don’t like it, don’t read it. YOU HAVE THE POWER. like it or don’t, but it’s just a blog.
Alexi, I think you’re the bee’s knees and I can take a joke.
Wow. I know theres a naked girl in the pic, but if you read the text on the picture, and then her ten points, it should start to make sense. Its not Magic Eye here people.
The blind leading the blind indeed…
I get the satire of this particular blog, but I think I see why some people think this whole blog comes across as “spoiled bitch”. I haven’t been reading your blogs all that long (maybe 3-4 months tops) but the way you’ve attracted people to your website has been through, well, frank discussion of all things relating to boys, relationships, sex, maintenance of one’s nether regions, etc. Injecting this blog with a satirical entry like this when most of your blogs typically have a rather honest and open book feeling about kind of contradicts what people come here for.
Like I said though, I haven’t been reading for all that long, or maybe these really were some opinions you formed today, even if only for a second. Perhaps they were still worth fleshing out as things you knew would sound terrible but wanted to say them to see how it made you and others feel.
Jesus Christ, people! She’s JOKING. Calm the fuck down! Don’t take any shit, Alexi!
um.. fat people do suck!
can i contract herpes from you?
P.S. Guaranteed everybody saying negative shit about this are overweight girls who just mad because they’re not invited to your imaginary party/club thing. Go eat some celery hoes!
Satire is often strictly defined as a literary genre or form; although in practice it is also found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are held up to censure by means of ridicule, derision, burlesque, irony, or other methods, ideally with the intent to bring about improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour in itself so much as an attack on something of which the author strongly disapproves, using the weapon of wit.
A very common, almost defining feature of satire is its strong vein of irony or sarcasm, but parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre are all frequently used in satirical speech and writing. The essential point, however, is that “in satire, irony is militant”. This “militant irony” (or sarcasm) often professes to approve (or at least accept as natural) the very things the satirist actually wishes to attack.
ur value system is the problem with 7′s hahah
Vadge = Vag, Teethe = Teeth
wtf chill some bitch in america on her blog who cares
i think i just lost some brain cells
Oh my my my!!! Looks like Im not alone on this one, I just read SOME of this and it completely bugged me out.
I deleted you from facebook assuring myself i wouldnt get anymore updated entrys like this one. I did like to wander into your blog once and a while but its pretty much the same useless stuff we all already know about.
your not really growing and therefore we arent going to grow by reading this junk.
the homeless comment really got to me your not 12 anymore
you should see the world differently
i mean even some 12 year olds might be more compassionate than you, i sure was. so you should know better PERIOD.
and by reading most comments i just went back to read number 10 and WOW you totally controdicted yourself no matter how many times you say and write you didnt.
gooodbye! and again have compassionate for someone and something either than boys you want to sleep with and your vadge!
I LOVE YOU ALEXIII!
57 posts! must be doing something right
best blog everr regardless of what some of the comments say up there.
hahaha oh yeah and you are so “cute enough” to get away with it
Yikes. thefrisky.com just published an article about female-on-female hate in the blogosphere. Ryan Manning’s supplement of the definition of satire should have been in size 96 font. Just breathe! We’ve all been there feeling the hate…don’t let this make you sad.
yea number 10 aint bad, not very funny but nothing to cry about, its just that homeless bit left was lame. and to the guy who was like WE ALL THINK IT blah blah blah, get away from me im eating is not the first thing i think of when i see a homeless person, it’s actually hey you want some food or some cash…but i mean it is YOUR time and apparently it is oh so precious. CLose your mouth when you pose for pictures, that “look” is not cute
This is why the rest of the world hates america
p.s. you look a tad fatter in your last video.
Well, with #10, at least us fat and ugly bitches can get into the party, right? We may just be there to show just how pretty other people are, but we’re still allowed in.
Omg. Everyone stfu
she’s the best person in the world!
#10 was an obvious joke…. poking fun AT the actual elitists who DO do this and think it’s ok because of the psychological thought process she just described and broke down piece by piece for you………………………… to show that it’s not ok and a stupid way to think.
but iguess an even more idiotic thing is to not understand this OBVIOUS and witty piece of writing.
i have to say i have lost faith in humanity reading some of you guys ignorant posts… either you have really empty lives or your just dick heads… give the girl a break arseholes!… go hate on the kkk or osama or someone worth hating not a blogger who as far as i can tell hasn’t done shit to apologise for… sheesh… losers…
I thought it was funny follows the tone of all the other blind leading the blind posts, love reading them.
Methinks Alexi is commonly misunderstood, not only on this blog, but in “real life” as well.
I understand.
I think you are really fat and need to lose some weight sharpish.
wowww! People are so rude! Your beautiful Alexi! and your blog is insightful and interesting to read :]
hahhahahha what would I do without you!
I love blind leading the blind.
meh why critize this blog.. if you dont like it. its just a click and then its gone dont waste you’re life being mean.
Ha! SO obviously a joke! Like this post.
blah blah blah, even if you are joking, you’re neither witty nor smart. this entire blog reeks of “shut the fuck up.”
Funny post which conveniently doubles as an IQ Test.
Yeah it’s obvious it was a joke, but reading this blog, and for those that keep saying read between the lines, if you do this, all you find is a super insecure girl. She reminds me of the girl in high school that needed to sleep with every guy to feel like they liked her, she begs for attention. The way she talks too is on par with high school maturity. NOT JUST IN THIS POST. Her wit makes me laugh sometimes which is why I check in sometimes. It really seems like she’s actually a 16 year old with no life experience.
Honey, get out there and make some stuff; being sanctimonious about stuff that others have made is not “making stuff”; you’re a consumer who just spit out a free, thoroughly-chewed Snickers bar to make a point… about free Snickers bars?
10 is the most obvious joke i’ve ever seen and is obviously why the post is titled what it is. obviously. read the last three lines of 10…. how do you not get this???
and 1 does indeed seem a little offensive, being as most homeless people i’m sure do not want to smell, and are not trying to ruin your day.. but it wasn’t meant i’m sure to be some jab at the unfortunate- rather just a thought she had that seemed sorta funny.
everyone’s gotta relax! jeez! stressin me out!
girl this was my first time on your blog and i think you’re pretty funny. keep it up.
Digital is my passion. Great article, really interesting stuff. For everyone who is interested how mind works, first I recomend you take this IQ Test here http://cpa.ly/5VD … so you know at what level you are.
The articles you’ve gotten on your website are at all times so satisfying to read. Good work and I will likely be returning often.
Haven’t these people been taught to just shut up when they got nothing nice to say? Also I am a straight guy and I find your Blind leading the blind section amazing. I quote it to some of my female friends on the regular, they could learn a thing or two.
I such as this data given and it has given myself some sort of desire to succeed for some cause, so keep up the good work.
Awesome Post, thanks for your great Post. I will come back soon ! Great tips also : biting nails
Heh, that shit is so funny. I will share it.
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