BLOG » the blind leading the blind part 29:
1. you don’t need jdate, match, or nerve.com if you’re on facebook. trust me!
2. making out with your ex is totally OK! It’s like a super special activity that exists in an alternate universe, where time and space don’t matter; a blip into the ether that only pertains to the two people involved.
3. if no one else is buying you flowers, buy yourself flowers.
4. just because someone leaves the room, doesn’t mean you have to talk shit about them. But if you MUST, waiting until they leave + 10 seconds is the way to go.
5. sometimes I grip my steering wheel too tight and I get callouses. Try not to do this too.
6. crushes can consume you, and take a lot of energy. Make sure the person you have a crush on is worth the brain power!
7. if a dudes face smells like a girls privates when you kiss him- trust your instincts girlies: the dude’s a cheating, man-whore, skag annihilator!
8. if he doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to talk to you.
9. if he has a tattoo on his face, you can kiss him, but you can’t marry him.
10. pay attention to the red flags. They are always there and available for spotting immediately. Do yourself a favor and recognize them. HINDSIGHT doesn’t ALWAYS have to be 20/20. foresight can be 20/20 too, if you’re present and logical.
#3, #8, and #10….totally. Chuuch!
I agree with all, except 2. Exes are exes for a reason. I burn those bridges immediately, and I’m proud of it.
KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORINE!
alexi do you have a crush on harmony korine?
he used to be pretty cute but nowadays…erhh
#2: some of the best sEX I evuh had was with EXes. Which is obvious, if you think about it, esp. if you lived together with the human in question for a couple of years before breaking up, for who better to know the knobs to turn and the levers to pull and the cranks to yank to turn you on, man? Intimate knowledge without responsibility! Best of both worlds! Until the next ship comes along and the cycle starts again. I think I went through a whole cool decade of subconsciously grooming future Exes for the bittersweet kama sutra of old-friend-fucking. Didn’t seem to work anymore when I moved to Europe, sadly. Europeans lack the required lyrical sentimentality (despite affecting to dig Leonard Cohen).
#4: Takes me back to the time I was lounging on a floor in an Art School dorm while this proto-Wiccan Goth was droning about her nightly adventures of being attacked by Demons. When she floated out of the room I waited about two seconds before chuckling “What a FLAKE”… as she walked back in, looking devastated, asking if I was laying on her hat. Deeply regrettable social error on my part. Too many years before the Internet for your advice to have saved me.
#10: But those red flags can be so pretty…!
You need to explain the facebook thing… I mean how exactly? Poke hot strangers?
+2 +7 +8 IS truth!
x
oh #6, you get me all the time.
and #8…you remind me of that song by the blow,”hey boy”.
#6 & #8… tell me about it.
One time on (Australian) Big brother a girl said she gave a guy head, even though she could smell vagina on his penis. WHHHHHY?
gross!
harmony korine <3
I read this post and then had a dream that I had sex with Richard Gere. No joke. We had sex in this weird old vintage trailer that was western themed. It was freaky. I woke up feeling bad that I cheated on my boyfriend. Now I see or hear Richard Gere I feel guilty.
No 6 resonates with me. Just wasted 3 weeks crushing on someone who totally didn’t deserve it. Wish I read this first. What a waste of time.
number six is like the best news ever. let’s get jubilant!
I don’t like the idea of using the interwebs for dating… I’m all about demeanor and I can’t figure out how you move by reading that you’re a fan of the dislike button.
I feel like #6 is about me. Way to rain on my parade Alexi.
And #7 is disgusting. Nothing should smell like privates. Not even your privates.