BLOG » we met on facebook (part 1):

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I’ll call him ‘fb dude’. he had requested my friendship on facebook months before. he lived in new york. his default pic was nice. somehow, probably by asking, i found out he was 6’2. he was trolling me and i love attention. we had mutual friends, (did i mention he was tall and good-looking?), so it was fine! friendship accepted! hollah! i asked one of our mutual friends if ‘fb dude’ was a jerky murderer or something, and he said no. alright! i could be excited! we would write on fb, text, and even have long phone call conversations. this was new for me. i’d never let a random facebook request escalate to phone calls! sometimes he texted me during the day and checked up on me. it’s always nice to get a text. even if it DID just stem from boredom and the new texting obsession that’s been going around/sweeping the nation. give a text, get a text!

one night he had to talk me down off a ledge (figuratively) about a guy i had a crush on. what was ‘fb dude’? a friend? a romance? what he was was a lonliness eliminator or at least an alleviator. i guess i was the same for him. he was probably JUST putting in the time, effort, work to sexxx me if we ever ended up in the same town at the same time. but the conversations went on a bit too long. putting in time could have been done in smaller intervals. maybe he should rework his game? did he just like my blog? was he a facebook predator pro?  he seemed very alive on the web. i should talk. I’m basically fb spam- trying to get people to read my b l o g. what was his excuse? i guess this is how it is now. modern men in modern times troll the web. one thing that concerned me was how late he stayed up every night. it seemed like he went to bed at 7am every night/day. but he filled that attention void i needed.

he was a self proclaimed ex-‘wigger‘. i don’t like even WRITING that word, because it’s linked to the ‘n’ word- but that’s what he referred to himself as. this ‘wigger’esque dialect came out here and there over the phone. i thought it was sexy and random. very different for me. what was i doing on the phone with this dude? but it was kinda nice having some faceless set of ears to talk to. talk about whatevs. practice being witty. practice fast paced, flirty banter.

it was getting late one night during one of these phone calls, when he offered to send me a ‘dick pic’. wtf?! i had never even heard of this phrase! was this some new thing? did all the kids know about dick pic’ing except me? i said “no! gross! do not send me a pic of your dick. that will kill everything! whatever this ‘thing’ is- will be extinguished. ugh.” it took about 20 minutes for me to say “okay, send it.” and he did! holy shit! i can’t believe this dude sent me a pic of his dick! he asked me to send him some sort of pic back! yeah right! what a pro this dude was! but i’m not fucking retarded! no way!

the next day, i felt it was my duty to tell as many girlfriends of mine who would listen about my new-found dick pic knowledge. i showed them the pic which was now stored in my phone (calm down, it was just his privates, no pic of his face attached and i didn’t say his name! I’m not evil. i would never do that!) i even passed my phone around at a dinner party to everyone’s shock, horror, jubilee, and dismal fascination. what can i say? dicks look weird. but so do vagina’s. this isn’t a competition. so let’s just call a spade a spade. back to the dick pic: it was too ‘this’ for some, too ‘that’ for others. my dude friends just shrugged when i showed them. i’m pretty sure i showed everyone i ran into, including people i didn’t know but wanted to meet – JUST so i could show them. it was fun! i’m GLAD ‘fb dude’ sent it to me. i told him i showed it to people at a dinner party and he wasn’t even mad. he was actually a smart dude who had some good insight into things, gave good advice about relationships, and happened to send the occasional picture of his dick. yikes. (to be continued)


29 Responses to “we met on facebook (part 1):”

  1. haha! awesome! was there any manscaping? imo its important…


  2. Aw man! All these “too be continued’s” are killing me!


  3. if a guy is sending “dick pics”….he is not your guy.


  4. Penis power at its finest! The power combined with his “smart wiggerness” will only spell bound you when he lands in LA.


  5. i hope you still have that dick pic. i think it should be shown at the next meeting.


  6. jaja, it´s so funny. I want to know what happened!!!!
    Changing the subject, what happened with your last surgery? did the results came back ok? let us (or me) know.
    Waiting for the second part of this post. 🙂


  7. ¡Incredible! There are a lot “Fb friends” like that one.
    I meet someone who after a lot of “lovely” conversations, asked me to masturbate my self by web cam.
    So, I eliminated him. hahahahaha.


  8. Mm-hm….Smacks of this guy: http://boyslifenyc.com/


  9. I know you’ve missed me. So I decided to make sure you know I still read and enjoy 🙂

    By the by
    this was hilarious


  10. Cockshots are the new black.


  11. lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololol!!!


  12. i love your blog. ever taken the myres-briggs personality test? im curious to know what yours is.


  13. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp


  14. if a guy refers to himself as a “wigger”….he is not your guy. Because you’re right, Alexi, the word is too much like the other word and no matter how much people/culture want to make the other word (and its various forms) an endearment, it’s not.

    And anyway, dick pics just aren’t classy.


  15. I hate this kind of facebook friends!…I think it´s kind a lame to add people you don´t even know in person…but I really want to know the rest of this story, haha…dick pics for everyone!


  16. Please don’t encourage douchebags like this guy. Texting nudey pics isn’t all that funny when you catch kids doing it(middle school english teacher!) and they say they do it because that is what all the “cool” people they look up to are doing. This guy sounds like a freaking stalker…and a loser.


  17. i in NO way advocate sending nude pix. i think it’s disgusting and lame.
    ps: this post was trying to express how shocked and crazy this was to me. that’s why i freaked out and showed everyone i know! it was soooo wrong and bizarre to me.


  18. Dear dudes trying to pretend to be sensitive:You are either stunningly full of shit or mad cuz a mutherfucker can pull some grimey shit on a 10 and hit it straight away.Meanwhile you are in the FZ(friend zone ) for 3 years in hopes that one days she’ll get tired of these assholes.She never will.Step it up pussies and simply look at the field data.


  19. OMG – I totally got a Dick Pic once – I’m so happy you shared. I felt totally creepy about it – like who does that – I guess a lot of people. Wow. totally bizarre. For me it ruined things. not just b/c he sent me a pic of his genies but also b/c it was totally shapen – looked like a questions mark. it was soooo messed up!!!


  20. if a mutual tall and good looking friend added me to facebook i would totally accept. but the dick pic?! ew! are you still friends? i guess we will soon find out…


  21. hey Alexis…i thought you were single and available…ah well the good ones are always taken but i love the way you play with words, an exper wordsmith…wish i could one day reach your level……why does it always have to be about sex with a hot women…can’t we just be friends….hehe or friends with benefits…oops….i guess you can’t really stray too far from sex!


  22. No! Not another “to be continued”… I have to wait… blogs = the new tv. Please don’t add any commercials on the next post, lol.


  23. respect the cock…


  24. what’s with the disdain for nudie pic-senders, guys? what’s wrong with healthy sexual expression? i agree it’s wrong if it’s kids doing it, but that goes for a lot of stuff, like, ya know, enjoying a cocktail or having sex in general. it’s up to the discretionary abilities of the people doing it to ensure that kids don’t have the opportunity to SEE it in order to look up to it. sheesh.


  25. Thank you for NOT posting the picture. Love your writing, btw, Alexi. You are gorgeous, as well.


  26. Vagina’s don’t look weird.


  27. The comments on this post (made by guys) are pretty hilarious. Thank you to OT for introducing FZ into my slang vocab.

    Dick pics aside, it’s always nice to have a guy to text whenever you’re bored….even at 4am…maybe not 7am.


  28. haha oh dick pics…my friend has some from previous experiences and they are quite entertaining I must say. oh to the to be continued posts! I wanted to hear the end of the story, it was just getting good!!


  29. i think i should be your NY affiliate… there is an entire crew,AKA “intertroll”, of boys in NY that throw “dicpics’ like confetti. They swap information about girls for leverage when trying to bed us. I have heard chatter about you, specifically, being one that they are trying to secure for LA vacations. I think we should start a bi-costal girls team and up the ante.


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