BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 30)- special ‘happy new year’ edition:


we did it! it’s totally 2010 bitch ass muthah-fuckahs! i hope you didn’t make too many embarrassing mistakes on new years eve/ like ending the night throwing up in your own bathtub (while you were in it) like i did last year! this year i changed it up, and decided not to drink. i didn’t wanna start the new year all hungover and hazy. and you know what?…. because i didn’t drink, and had zero expectations; it ended up being the best new years eve of my entire life. no joke! it was epic! (i made out with four boys in one night! my mouth was like a human petri dish! on new years eve, all bets are off!) but that’s a post in itself, down the road. I’ve learned not to be too raw, too soon from past posts. i need a bit of a buffer.

so what the fuck are we gonna do to ensure that 2010 is the most fan-fucking-tastic epic year yet? I’ll tell you! bam, boom, pow!

let’s get our shit together people:

1. burn sage- clear out your zone; home, work, locker, car, anywhere/everywhere!

2. shave your fucking legs bitches. what are you, a feral dog?! yowzers!

3. wear make-up! please! a little goes a long way. i really don’t think it would kill you to even out your skin tone and slap on some eyeliner and/or mascara!

4. stop drinking (i guarantee, you’ll lose 10 pounds of bloat!)

5. you need to exercise. yeah….. YOU! (i say, as i look at myself in the mirror.)

6. don’t do heroin! is it the mid nineties? cuz, last I checked, it was 2010. i know doc martins are back, but this is re-donkulous! heroin is totally lame and bad for you and will make you dead. for reals. heroin is in no way, shape, or form endorsed by at all! so cut that the fuck out! yeah, it’ll make you skinny, PLUS smell bad, AND super retard boring. but by the time you’re in a coffin, you won’t even notice!

7. treat people the way you want to be treated! i fuck up and don’t always live by this rule, but at least when i fuck up, i remember my behavior that I’m not proud of and i try not to repeat it! we’re always given opportunities to repeat the same mistakes. it’s like the universe is testing us. and when we learn and choose not to repeat those mistakes again and again… it’s like we passed the test!

8. use a fucking condom! are you serious? with aids, warts, herpes, chlamydia, hpv, gonorrhea, unwanted pregnancies that result in getting an abortion/having a miscarriages/putting a baby in a dumpster OR WORSE letting that baby be born, etc…..  stop having unprotected sex! just because he’s a goody goody white boy wearing apc who claims he’s ‘clean’ while trying to stick it in you saying ‘i hate condoms, they’re so annoying, i don’t have anything (in regard to virus/disease/or condoms). shhhh, i really like you. (kiss, kiss.), blah blah blah….’ doesn’t mean it’s true! plus; the dude should be worried about what diseases your nasty vadge hole is holding hostage. the definition of ‘girl’ isn’t: clean and made out of candy. (i mean, mostly it is, but not ALL the time).

9. everyone, please do this:

figure out what you love doing the most;

painting, writing, fucking dudes, dancing, math, science, helping people, dating, matchmaking, blogging, typing, giving birth, organizing shit, cooking, eating, juggling fire, hypnotizing strangers, talking, thinking, listening, fixing stuff, picking zits (ie: esthetician), arranging, working at a flower store, taking over the world, politics, law, being a doctor, gardening, flipping houses, designing clothes, drawing, throwing parties, collecting stickers, being bossy, opening a gallery, taking photos, building websites, dj’ing, mediating, solving problems, drinking coffee, flirting, babysitting, massage, selling stuff, reading, making stuff, advising people, singing, whatevs, a desk job, retail, repeating yourself….whatever! just get really honest with yourself and admit what it is that makes you wanna wake up early in the morning to do it!

and then, ACTUALLY do it!

THEN figure out how to makes lots of money doing just THAT!

(to be continued)

33 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 30)- special ‘happy new year’ edition:”

  1. love the post. the last part of it was quite inspirational
    you are witty and great. hope u have a great year!!!

  2. #9 is what im talking about!

  3. I Love your blog. I’m sure you get enough of those comments so that’s the only one I’ll post. I love number 8! JESUS! I’ve had enough of my girl friends having close calls! Thank God I’m still a virgin. But for what it’s worth I’ve told every girl I know to come to your blog! This is what the World Wide Web has been missing! Please don’t get turned out! Keep it real! xoxo

  4. This post made my day.
    2010! I’m on to the next one… Hov!

  5. i might have made some kind of mention about how i only get a makeout once in a blue moon on facebook this year.

    it might have gotten me a kiss on the mouth from just about evey boy i know.

  6. word to all these! especially number 9. 2010 is the year to do whatever you want to do!

  7. NO BUFFER PLEASE! Let the babies go cry to mommy. This is why I read your blog – lack of bullshit.

    Yes to everything but 3! Don’t put your gender rules on me Alexi! haha. I know you like to grow the bush so why not some hair on the legs as well. How French, non? Happy New Year. See you in 2010.

  8. I love you. Keep it fucking real girl!

  9. loves number 9. its now on my desktop.

  10. i felt ashamed that i made out with 3 guys on new years but you made me feel better alexi hahah thank you

    p.s. i love you

  11. ahh alexi, you cutie, another sweet (if your pep talk can be described as sweet i guess) inspirational post. keep it up (wink wink). love x

  12. I looooooooove this post. I thought I didn’t have any ideas for 2010 resolutions but yours are really nice. I’ll get inspiration here then! And Happy New Year!

  13. Hey, Im not usually on here but happened to stumble across your page and read this… I must say, I completely agree with number 9!
    So many people dont even know what they like doing and its almost heartbreaking when they cant even think of something to do in their spare time!
    I recently discovered that i truly love gardening and i think everyone should find thier true passion in life…

  14. great post. totally true <3

  15. I’m pretty sure I want you to be my mom. you would be an awesome mentor.

  16. I love you

    This is the best Blind reading the Blind ever (except maybe when I first read it because it was this fabulous new discovery and made me remember what a treasure chest the internet is and then the precious gems that are blogs) I actually almost started to cry while reading it!

  17. i love this post~

  18. hahahahhahahahhaha gawd you are hilarious! please keep it up/real/<3 u

  19. marry me (serious)

  20. that steve jones interview is ace

  21. 4. is good but we get to go the bar after not drinking riiiight?

    9. also a big winner

  22. Yes. All yes. You know your shit.

  23. these are the same every fucking time.

  24. You are the fucking TRUTH! Had to link it from my blog. =D

  25. best bltb post ever! i love you.

  26. #9…amazing.

  27. I’m putting all of these on my wall as a reminder to better myself throughout the year. Thank you<3

  28. i loved this post; it was real inspirational.
    thank you. happy new yr!

  29. how is having a baby that you didn’t plan worse than “throwing it in a dumpster”?

  30. More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a typical French kiss.

  31. Condoms don’t prevent hpv.

  32. You should totally collect all the bltb’s and publish a book. Yes.

  33. i stubled onto this informative and interesting blog therefore i believe so its very helpful and information able.I would like to thanks for the efforts you have created in composing this article. I’m hoping exactly the same best function from you in the future as well. Actually your inventive composing abilities has inspired me.Really the blogging is spreading its wings rapidly…

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