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THE MONSTER ASKS ABOUT LOVE: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

86 Responses to “the monster asks you about love- please help:”

  1. Yeah. I need to get myself into a duprass.

  2. bunch of whimsy hippies

  3. Alexi,

    Both of my grandmothers are widowed and all they talk about is how great their husbands were. One wears his ring on a chain around her neck and the other has lost her will to get off the couch because “there will never be anyone like him.” They both told me that it wasn’t always perfect and they had a lot of failed romances before finding “the one” but when you know you know. Frustrating, right?

    Anyhow, I thought you might find solace in the photography of my friend — not only is she happily married at our age, she also has a knack for capturing l-o-v-e with a camera:


  4. My parents met on a blind date. Had sex on the second date. Decided to get married on the third date. They’re still passionately in love 30 years later. So yes, apparently depravity can lead to a long-lasting relationship!

  5. damn. seems like we don’t have a chance. gonna go listen to hole. seems hopeless. feel like my chances are very bad, at this time.

  6. You are not a monster, stop calling yourself that! I know it’s a play on words or a call for attention. WTH. It just bugs me when people say things or express things that do not align with who they are or who they want to be.

    You want everlasting love? Stop calling yourself a monster, energy sucking vampires love monsters.

    Love is everywhere, like it or not. It is in your food, it is in the air that you breathe, and even in the boys we sleep with for a temporary high but until we unlock our hearts and accept our responsibilities in our own perceptions of “love,” everything else will be presented to us in fragments.

    Love can mean one partner for the rest of one’s life, love can mean having an open relationship, or having a partner that lives in different homes.

    It is up to you and your partner, not what society deems. Women now have the power to choose a love that fits her more than ever, it is up to her and her man to decide what kind of love relationship they have.

    Burn some more mofo sage. You are wonderful. I love you.

    Alexi, this is you in the future

  7. “i am 31 and have watched the relationships that last (some marriages, some about to be), where the couple is genuinely in love. the first thing to know is that it doesn’t start out as a crazy high. you don’t feel high. you feel calm and comfortable. there’s a lot of talking. thats one thing I have noticed about the real relationships – when I ask how did it start, its always – and then we just talked for like, hours and hours.

    I get what you are asking and I do believe love lasts, but mature love between two adults isn’t an epic crazy feeling – its more like its just easy and calm and happy.

    and thats also because both parties have some relationships already under their belts and know who they are/what they want.”

    I couldn’t agree more. So true. It’s that natural comfort that’s inevitable in successful, happy relationships.

  8. What’s love? I’m 29, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 13 years. We met at 16 and had that stupid, giddy, euphoric relationship that involves nonsense like eskimo kisses and tickle fights. It’s never stopped. Love is your best friend, love is no boundaries, love is when you adopt a kitten and don’t worry about who gets it if you break up. Love is when his mom makes you cupcakes and your mom hems his pants.
    Love is shitty apartments and low funds but enough money to go to the movies for air conditioning and public cuddling in the summer.
    It’s lasted. And we love it.
    Is it mature adult love? Partially, but does it have to be?
    Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean it can’t be epic. Just because we’ve aged doesn’t mean we don’t feel just as we did at 16.
    Was it our first relationship? No.
    First love? At this point I’d say definitely.
    It lasts. Find the right person. Talk like you’d talk to your best friend and then someday, hopefully, you will be.

  9. PS. My parents met at 16 as well, they’re still married, and still giddy. Both sets of my grandparents met in their late teens to early twenties, and until the day they died adored eachother like no one I’ve ever seen.
    It lasts. A long relationship doesn’t mean a good relationship, but its a fairly accurate indicator.

  10. Just because a relationship may only last two years (or 6 months) doesn’t mean it wasn’t true, soul-rocking, clock-shocking love; it just means that one, or both, members of the relationship eventually changed a little too much. Some people just don’t change much in 30 years and when they’re partnered with someone similar, the love can easily last that long.

    On the other hand, it’s better to change and risk losing love than to stunt one’s growth just to hold on to a love that won’t survive the change. Looking, exclusively, for the 30-year-love limits your chance of enjoying a wide variety of other kinds. Having said that: long-term love is more likely to come (in most cases) when you’re older and a little less likely to change. Even seemingly trivial stuff like taste in movies or music has an impact on the sustainability of a relationship and those things tend to stabilize in your 30’s.

    When you find love, enjoy it: the duration has nothing to do with its depth. Juicy memories are a big part of a Good Life, too.


    My ex gave me an andy warhol poster that said: i wonder if there is a love affair that lasts forever. Read my diary if you want, so you’ll see what love’s for me in this moment.

    Love your blog.

  12. i was in a 3 year realtionship, haha im only 17 and i was in it since 14. it just ended a few weeks ago. it may seem immature cuz its so young but its not. haha. well it was amazing and everything. but in the end i guess he just fell out of love with me. and of course i had to break up with him, how can i be with someone who doesnt love me as much as i love him? is that selfish? i mean it was three years. and he did before, i guess the flame on the candle went out for him. but not my candle, i was still madly in love with him and when i broke up with him i literrallllyyy wanted to die, is that crazy? like i have never felt so much pain in my life, i couldnt believe that pain even existed. but i had to get over him. i still love him, but i think maybe im falling out of love with him slowly. i definately have learned from this relationship, definately. i have high standards and people say im never gonna get a guy out there that meets my standards, but hey i meet my own standards so i guess its possible that there is someone like me. i thought we were going to get married, seriously.. i gave him my virginity!! hes the only guy ive even had sex with. i seroiusly felt 110% we were gonna spend together forever. but oh well, now i find myself reading my horoscope every single day to see whats gonna happen haha, what a pathetic loser right? well i believe in horoscopes, there so true. but anyways, i dont know, my parents are divorced, everyone i know are divorced, and high school friends have boyfriends, but break up. i have never really met anyone personally who has stayed with a significant other. i guess when your with a guy you just will never be too sure if ‘hes the one’ because in reality you dont know, you may have that gut feeling, but that gut feeling is a lie, we’ve all had it and we’ve all ended up breaking up. so the only way you will reallly know is if you can see the future. theres only a handful of people that i’ve heard of that actually are old and are together. so i guess your only motivation is hope at this point and just hope this guy or girl is the one (im not bisexual, speaking for both). Just have hope and faith and just not stress over it. just when you find a guy dont stress over if hes gonna marry you, just enjoy the time your with him and if it lasts it lasts, you just gotta wait and see where life takes you, everything happens for a reason, its not a coinsidence (spelled wrong, im not illiterate). make the best of what you have and if it doesnt work out then it wasnt meant to be, theres someone out there for everyone, you just may or may not find them, its a huge world, filled with milllions and millions and trillions of people, its kinda hard to find that one person.

  13. Two stories of love that give me hope, and break my own heart at the same time.

    The first is a couple I know. They met (somewhat inconceivably) while my father was on day release from prison. He was helping build a road, my mother was driving along and got stopped. They started talking, exchanged phone numbers, and went on their first date two weeks later. It was a picnic at a park across from the prison where my father would be for another six months. He swears it was love at first sight and can still remember what she was wearing when they first met. We still have the outfit in fact. She passed away five years ago and I still remember the devastation on his face when we found out she had terminal cancer. He looked after her in every way while she got sicker and sicker. He held her when she died. Theirs was a love that would have lasted had it not been for the cancer. They were together 25 years in total.

    The second story is my aunt and uncle. They met at a party when she was 21 and my uncle was 25. They moved in together two weeks later and have now been together for thirty years. They still love each other just as much as when they first met. My uncle talks about my aunt like she is the most important thing in the entire universe, it is clear he loves her beyond anything else. Not only does he love her but he loves all the rest of us just because we are connected to her. She loves him just as equally, faults and all. It is inspiring.

    These two love stories give me hope. I’m 24 now and while I know this is young, I wonder when it will be my turn to meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and be the love of my life. There have been contenders but no one who has ever lasted the distance. My family’s stories give me hope though that maybe it’ll happen… one day… hopefully soon!!



    I think you’d appreciate this video.

  15. or rather two not videos, but you understand.

    prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best alexi.

    and stop the over analyzing!!! you’re going to drive yourself crazy!! the only truly great things ive ever had/experienced in life came to me in the blink of an eye and things go BAD once you start to question why it all is…hush your brain talk a little and just let everything BE. no one knows is there is a love between two separate souls that can last forever, but work on falling madly in love with yourself and the love you produce will come back definitely.

  17. I love skateboarding and wandering around finding junk inside or outside of goodwill type stores… I love billiards, photography and coffee. I Only seem to fall in love with things that have no feelings and can’t love me back.
    I can’t help it. Maybe is safer this way.
    I do know that this love lasts though.
    Unlike when I have a ladyfriend.

  18. My grandparents are no longer with us for me to video them. However I wrote a song about their love story.

  19. does she actually read these and respond?

  20. Oh gosh i think all the same things!!! I’ve always had this feeling like nothing will last… nothing works… but the my auntie and uncle make me have hope again.

    The met… well over 10 years ago… but one of them lived in a different city so they maintained their long distance relationship for about 5 years and although they went through heaps of hardships they are still together today, finally living in the same city, happily married with a beautiful daughter and another on the way.

    Their relationship just inspires me so much. Gives me hope. I never thought that people could be so happy and in love after so long.

    When my auntie talks about her husband shes like a teenager all over again. she giggle and goes on about him like shes freshly fallen in love with him.

  21. you’re so cute and this is such a vulnerable side of you- way brave of you to bare it to the world.
    I think you’ll find it.
    But then, I’m quite the hopeless romantic myself.


  22. “love” is to sacrifice everything you are for the other person.
    to give your self up for them. to stop being selfish. when you love someone you have to let go of everything. pride, shame, shyness, selfishness, and just hope that person will “love” you back. i think now a days it’s harder to find “true love” because everyone is so scared of getting hurt that they dont want to put themselves in a vulnerable position and maybe getting hurt. we need to stop being scared of getting hurt.

  23. nope. i personally dont believe in it, everything ends. the tingles and everything, they’ll eventually fade away. i know some people need to believe that they are some kind of everlasting love. me too. i still want to believe in it. but i can’t. ive seen it in my parents, ive experienced it myself. i was always drawn into the relationships i was in, i was no longer i, i was a “we”, always felt that my exes were only corporeally separated, but we were one. always fooled myself. and those.. always ended. and i’m always alone in the end. so i don’t believe in it. i can’t. eventhough i want to.

  24. I think it depends on what you’re looking for and if you’re ready to be in a serious relationship, it will find you. I also think we have to get out of believing that things are going to be amazing and passionate and full of rose petals all the time. There will be times like that- but life isn’t always perfect and easy (obviously) and we shouldn’t expect love or relationships to be either. Full acceptance and of course commitment- the wanting to be with each other is necessary. Also- there is no infinite end all be all answer- everyone’s list of relationships if going to be different- some people will find the one and get married and stay married- others will have to perhaps end it if it eventually can’t workout and try again. I think it’s nice to hope for everlasting love- but you’re going to be okay if it isn’t.

  25. I have never cried over a blog post, but this one did it.

    I have never been too lucky in the love department. I haven’t found that person that sends me over the moon. And at times it does get very hard to hold on to the belief that it is out there.

    But there is one thing that gives me hope for love. My great grandparents. They were together for 62 years, or would have been 62 years this June. Every time I would visit, they’d seem like newlyweds. The way they looked at each made me well up. Unfortunately, he passed away this past weekend. I was there with both of them as it happened and I have never felt that kind of heartbreak.

    I’d be so lucky to find someone who loves me even half as much as they do each other.

    So yes, I do believe that real love exists. And I’m a little shocked at how much I just revealed.

    Love Grace.

  26. The problem with fairytale romances is that they end at “Happily Ever After”, so they completely ignore the work that goes into a long term relationship. I was going through some people’s parents stories, I thought I should mix it up and tell my parents story, warts and all.

    My parents got married in their early 20’s (my mom was 22 and my dad 21), they have been married for 22 years, and a bumpy 22 it was! They were separated for one of those years, because my dad cheated on my mom (a few times in their early years).

    I have memories of being little and hearing them have screaming matches. My parents had every reason in the book to fight; they were young, there was infidelity, there was never enough money etc. I’m pretty sure anyone who reads this is going to think they should have just done themselves a favour, gotten a divorce, and moved on with their lives, but my mom decided to take him back because he begged, she loved him, and she wanted her kids to have a father. Oh no, an even worse reason right?

    I thought that for a long time too, but over the years I’ve had some very long conversations with my dad (yeah I gave him hell for cheating on my mom!) where he explained that he hadn’t been mature enough to accept all of ugly things that went with being in a permanent relationship. He never used this as justification for cheating on my mom, but I asked for honesty and he gave it. It was a point from which he grew into the person/father/husband he is now. He had said “I do” but didn’t fill the role of husband until years later. As my mom would say, “He wasn’t always so good. He needed work Jessica, God how he needed work.”

    Yes, so, my parents are still together and love each other very much. To the point where I no longer question whether they’re still just together for the kids. And no my dad’s not completely perfect, but he’s a good husband and father.

    The point I’m trying to make is the relationships that last forever are the ones that take hard work, blood, sweat, tears and genuine commitment on the part of the two people involved. Ask either one of my parents what the backbone of a long lasting relationship is and they’ll tell you commitment, because the cold hard truth is that you WILL fall in and out of love, and you WILL change, and you WILL want to kill each other but that commitment is what WILL keep you together.

  27. Take a look at this article about old folks in love…I think it has some really valid points.

  28. Hello Alexi!
    I think the idea of romanticism is a great ideology, but at the same time can be an albatross we all come to carry, depending on the person, which include their personality, environment, the way you grew up, all that mambo jumbo.
    Growing up I was always the guy that was a huge romantic, and I’d go out of my way to impress either my crush or girlfriend in any way, but as time went on [heart broken, blah. blah] and great advice from my old man, I learned that you’ve just got to move on, fish in the sea, just have fun you’re young, play it cool.
    Going into college I dated a few girls, broke up, blah blah, and decided like anyone at that young visceral age to just have fun with the guys and slay in the single life, and BOY did I have the time of my life. Did I mention it helped with my funk, because prior to that decision the girl who I was infatuated with broke mine.. well yes, it did, because like you I was obsessed with finding a mate, the perfect mate.
    As time went on I met a girl, one that I tried playing it cool with, now this wasn’t any type girl because I never took her home or anything like that, but one that I kept in hindsight, but on one night when she begged me to go out dancing with her [at the time I was into my art, focused, I did my best at denying any type of relationship, heart on the shelf], well I decided, “What the hell.” We’d been talking for a month or so, but on that night it just hit me like an age old proverb waiting in the wings to kick my ass, all that advice my old man gave me was now in the form of an epiphany.
    Now six years later we’re still together, living in a small humble apartment and going strong. The point is from one hopeless romantic to another is it’ll happen when it wants to and when it does you’ll have to make the decision of either wanting it or not. Now we have our problems and sometimes want to murder each other, and have broken up a few times [only early in the relationship, not so much at all], but at the end of the day we can only find ourselves being together.
    So yes there is hope, if you want it, without looking, make sense? I think life can lead us into so many crossroads, but the ultimate is taking charge when it’s presented to you, and ultimately sticking to your guns. I mean it’s the most universal feeling that transcends to every generation: LOVE, how can you deny when it’s REAL.

  29. wow, people write a lot, if I knew english as they I could write a lot too.
    You’re such a great speaker, you should give some conferences about your opinion abour love and life.


  30. Love?
    Let me tell you about love.
    Love lasts forever, but not the love you’re talking about. Love won’t linger in any one shape or form, but rather, it changes and comes to mean something different as years go by, and the whole point of falling in love is to have someone with you who will go through those same changes with you.

    My mom gave me a lot of advice growing up, but what she told me about love changed my life forever: It is possible to fall in love with someone who still isn’t right for you. It’s something everyone who dates should have to come to terms with.

    The butterflies in your stomach and endless longing to spend every minute of your life with a person that you’re talking about. Feeling like you never want to get out of bed once you’ve lain down together. Dreaming up elaborate weddings and sexy nights of passion: These things do not last. It’s the things that come after this part of a relationship that hold the key to the future.

    Thirty years from now, the man you love is not going to be the one that makes you scream his name at four in the morning. Thirty years from now, the one you love will be the one who makes you feel comfortable with the world, like your parents did when you were growing up. He’ll be the one that you go to for reassurance and approval in everything you do. He’s the one that will make you confident, and he’s the one that you won’t have to talk to every five minutes to know he’s there to help you always.

    Ask yourself if you’ll still love the one you’re with when he starts to get old and can no longer take care of himself. Or what if he broke his back and could never walk again? Would you stay with him? Would you be up to the challenge?

    If you can honestly say the answer to that question is yes, THAT is love that lasts forever.

  31. You’re confusing lust and attraction with love. Love is not the feeling you get when you have his dick in your mouth (or vice versa). That’s the boycrazy feeling. 🙂

    If you’re lucky I imagine you reach a plateau of contentment, and you both _work_ at it.

    You know the paradox, you get one thing when you feel like you don’t need it. You get the girl when you don’t feel like you need to get her. I think it’s true about love too.

    Wow, I used the name of the blog in the comment,I’m so intelligent, I’m like Russell Brand with a receding hair line. I wish I’d made a video, but I’m too hairy to appear on video. Plus, I’m only interesting in writing. 🙂

  32. I never comment on things like this, but I’ve been feeling the same way. It’s easy to like guys, they’re great, they’re hot, they’re easy to figure out. It’s easy to hang out with them and date them and hook-up when feelings don’t get too involved. But big loves are rare. The feeling you get when you’ve known someone for so long and your heart still starts pounding whenever you see them, is rare. People you truly and honestly care about don’t come along everyday, but you do know when you find them. And it takes a lot of work to maintain something like that, when both of you have so many of your feelings involved. There are so many complications that relationships like that are fragile. The way things are when you find the person you’re meant for make so much sense, but great loves don’t last. People become so bedazzled by love and so invested in the happiness that those relationships bring, that they’re bound to fall apart when someone starts to care too much or when things start to get too real. There’s a difference between love and marriage, and if you’re looking for something that lasts, you’ll have a better chance with marriage, because great love is fleeting…that’s what allows us to romanticize it.

  33. Alexi

    There is nothing better than those first days, weeks, months of the roller coaster ride. The incredible sex on the kitchen table, tearing off clothes. Everything else in your life is on hold; romance is here. It’s like tilting into a paradise. Do not ever let that mindset leave you Alexi. That is what we all want. That is what you want from every man you meet. It might happen it might not.
    There will be many romantic roller coasters in your life. However, there is gravity and it will pull you down. You will not undress each other and attack like vampires. You will be in bed first or Mr. Right will be watching a ballgame when you jump in. The roller coaster ride is over and so it should. It is a primal love to enjoy.
    A memory that will last forever. I can’t wait for it to happen again, I can’t wait for my friends to hate me. I am not available. I cannot wait for my house to smell like a woman. It may lead to decisions later when marriage is presented by one of you.

    Secondly, have you taken into consideration that many people who have an innate ability to communicate and frame people’s fears are distracted from that calling by school, degrees and licensing? You display an amazing ability to communicate. Your videos are soothing and goofy and disturbing. Your talent to act comes from your ability to relate and absorb. I know this would all sound much better in a Bela Lugosi accent, you must write Alexi, you must write.

  34. I’m not into writing, so I’ll keep this short.

    My grandmother was engaged, and broke off her wedding 3 days prior because she didn’t want to marry the man.

    A few months or weeks later, one of her friends set her up on a blind date, despite much protest from my grandmother. After one date, there was an immediate affinity between them, and they eloped after only knowing each other for 2 weeks.

    They were married for 40 years; until my grandfather died. My grandmother, to this day -almost 20 years later- has never remarried or even considered remarrying.

    So, that kind of love existing isn’t impossible, merely unlikely.

    Hope that inspires you or something,

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