BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 37):
1. the quickest way to feel better about yourself is to throw some clothes on, go outside, and look around! Have you seen the scary monsters out there?! They’re WAY fatter and uglier than you! See?! don’t you feel better already?! you’re welcome!
2. keep it loose. Except your vagina. Keep that shizz tight, at all times.
3. lets face it: every time a guy comes out of the bathroom, you can be sure he’s just held his dick and hasn’t washed his hands.
4. do not floss in front of people! this includes strangers and especially the person you’re loving, fucking, kissing! duh! are you kidding me?!
5. when you DO floss, be cautious of crinkling your eyes at the same time! This is where it all starts people! the downward, aging, spiral! it IS possible to floss/maintain your oral hygiene and AVOID premature aging at the same time, I promise. just be conscious!
6. finish every bottle of water you open in one sitting. OR AT LEAST THE SAME DAY! none of this leaving it around, sitting in the sun for days nonsense. especially if you’re sharing it with the person/people your sexing! gross! let me get this straight; you’re sharing AND letting the plastic water bottles rim sit there tasting like dick, bad breath, and hopefully (if you even practice safe sex) condom ooze? disgusting! what a fucking messy, train-wreck of a lifestyle you’re leading! This is a bacterial recipe for disaster! do what you will, they’re your insides I’m trying to salvage…and maybe even your LIFE!
7. at some point, just stop caring if people like you. I’m not saying ‘be an asshole’ or ‘go out of your way to be a dick’. just don’t do/say things JUST because you want to sway someone into liking you.
8. don’t let people being a dick or cunty to you ruin your whole day. move on. next! unless you totally deserved it. in which case, i hope you die.
9. if you can’t PHYSICALLY protect yourself, you sure as hell better be able to throw a vibe!
10. even if you WEREN’T, it’s probably not the best sign when your therapist keeps saying ‘are you SURE you weren’t molested?’
As always: Thank you*
Wait–FIRST?! I’mma do the happy dance to that!
Free music for you. The good kind:
http://readmezzanine.blogspot.com/2010/03/belle-isle-social-club-presents-2010.html
This as always is great!!! Thanks for sharing
Hilarious!!! Love this series!
She’s too cute! I wish I could find that.
I love this list.
I love the blind leading the blind.
I love you!
haha
You’re brilliant
No. 2, LOL I’will keep it in mind 4evaaaa hahaha
Better idea:
Just don’t buy bottled water! That shit is the biggest scam that has ever been created. Tap’s healthier and (drumroll please) free! Why would you buy a water bottle that’s full of plastic and bacteria – sometimes full of Detroit tap water – when you could just fill up a reusable one without paying corrupt companies?
Sorry for the rant. I just watched Blue Gold and I’m never drinking bottled water again. Evah.
Funny you should mention that last bit. Last week my therapist asked me the same thing.
This is one of my favorite blind leading the blind posts. Good job!
So so so true each and every time. I look forward to this list every posting.
1.,2.,3.,
especially 6.
what a beautiful thing for me to read after having a complete bitchfuck of a day. I LOVE YOU!!!!
Always love these posts! Usually, I have one or two favorites from the list, but these are all great.
“1. the quickest way to feel better about yourself is to throw some clothes on, go outside, and look around! Have you seen the scary monsters out there?! They’re WAY fatter and uglier than you! See?! don’t you feel better already?! you’re welcome!”
SRSLY, nobody likes a shallow Mean Girl.
#9 soooooooooo good Alexi! HIGHlarious!
I like to floss WHILE I’m having sex. Is that wrong?
[...] The Blind Leading The Blind, part 37. Fantastically inapprops, as usual (ImBoyCrazy) [...]
Found #6, #7 helpful… #10=hilarious!
you really do have the maturity of a 12 year old
“1. the quickest way to feel better about yourself is to throw some clothes on, go outside, and look around! Have you seen the scary monsters out there?! They’re WAY fatter and uglier than you! See?! don’t you feel better already?! you’re welcome!”
SRSLY, nobody likes a shallow Mean Girl.
Agreed….it was your geeky/cute frankness that made me a fan of this blong but fuckkkkkkkkkk shellow much?
Time for a reality check! there is absolutely nothing cool and/or crucial about being a cunt…really dissapointed with this post. just sayin
blog even haha oops typo haha I suppose that’s my bad karma for pointing out that it was assholey of you to say what I just noted haha.
I really like your blog, this blind leading the blind thing is nice, but I’ve just read your old posts and I feel that they have so much more content and ‘passion’ than the last ones… It’s really interesting to read them and I’m sure lots of people relate to the things you write. I just feel that your new posts lately are just posted for the sake of having some new shit. Make it yours Monday can be fun once, maybe twice. But it’s not videos of other people that interest me, it’s seeing your own point of view and thinking about life that does, the thing that got me so keen on your blog. I hope that you’ll still have the disposition to write ‘real’ posts like http://imboycrazy.com/2009/06/if-all-else-fails/ or any other old blog post. Other people’s shit about love/life can be put on their own blog. But this one is yours and it feels like it’s everybody’s. I don’t live in the US, and listening to the radio shows in which you take part is hard. On the other hand, I must admit the little ‘interviews’ that you post of INTERESTING people are cool. That’s all, just wanted to express my view on the direction you chose to take for your blog, lots of love Alexi xoxo
Thank you to the girl who is in love with James!
I have been sad for months by a big jerk who was reckless with my heart, and i’ve been down because I let it happen…..i’m a hopeless romantic and I gave my heart to him. BUT….now that i checked out James (ya I stalked his site to see what the hype was about) I see what awesome guys are still out there and I feel so much better. I want to marry James too…don’t worry not your James but “a” James. F-ya to moving forward and forgetting about loser guys….aint got time for that….not when good ones like that are still roaming around free!
I read each and every one of blind leading the blind in one go, and it cheered me up so much, THANK YOU YOU ARE AWESOME!
As to #3 Many of us guys do wash our hands. I am one of them. The guys who don’t are the reason I grab the door handle with a paper towel on my way out.
i love you so much.
LOOL @1!! alexi! so funny. Might take your advise on that one.
[...] ~ Alexi [...]
[...] know what, have some more Alexi. 7. at some point, just stop caring if people like you. I’m not saying ‘be an asshole’ or [...]