make it YOURS mondays: DOUBLE FEATURE!!!

remember that guy i met on facebook i told you about?


while we sat over coffee– he started telling me about a girl he’d hit on recently, back home in NYC. was he serious? did he not find me attractive? was this turning into a bro out sesh, because i thought it was a date. not one to hold back, i said ‘are you trying to sleep with me? because, if you are, why are you talking about another girl?’ he got flustered and smiled, said it was a while ago, trying to make it into a silly thing, brushing it under the rug. that was a close one! i really wanted to like him. or at least, for him not to blow it.

i was busy as fuck the next afternoon. running around town, appointments all over the place. but they were all just obstacles i had to get past… because i was most excited about seeing him again. I’d made a decision and i was OK with it: i was going to have sex with him! he was only in la for one more night. if i hadn’t wanted to, i would have just canceled that day. this was a specific choice on my end. i felt like i needed a fling, like medicine. and by ‘fling’, i mean ‘sex’. i was into it. it would be no strings attached! i didn’t hate him, and he was gorgeous! perfect! and all the hours we’d spent over the phone before we’d actually met, made it seem less yuck/sleazy. there was some time invested in this thing. he’d worked on me for a while! plus, i’d read his blog for the first time, the night before (after he told me about it/admitted his identity) and i was fascinated! this intrigued me and i had a million questions for him. finally, since meeting him, i felt like i could really relate to him now. more so than just being two strangers who met over facebook with mutual friends.

i bought candles at Larchmont beauty center, i drank tons of pineapple juice for WHATEVER reason, i wore eyeliner and tights. we didn’t have dinner plans. no. i didn’t want to eat in front of him, or gain weight from this experience! no! i wanted a cozy, sexy night. we made plans for him to come over at 8:45. i liked the controlled atmosphere of my house. like i was inviting him into my lair. as if we were kids hiding in a fort, except the fort wasn’t made out of two chairs and a blanket- it was a 1 bedroom with hardwood floors! my house was clean- I’d had it cleaned the Sunday a few days prior (for me, not him). he came over. i was trying to appear casual cool, on my computer, finishing up with some work. i didn’t want to put my responsibilities on the back burner, and i thought it would be super cute to pose on my bed, in front of my computer and say ‘this is what i look like when i facebook.’ so i did.

he told me to take my time, and wandered into my living room. oh no you don’t! i’d heard him say he likes to snoop around peoples houses. what if he stole something? that last part was a joke….  kind of. you never know. for years i had a fear that if i had a boy over at my house, he would pee on my toothbrush while he was in my bathroom. i had absolutely no proof of this whatsoever, but I’d throw away my tooth brush after each fling/visit, just in case. sometimes you just have to follow a hunch/trust your instincts!

i finished my work and hurried after him into the next room, giving him the mini tour of my living room. i wondered if my descriptions of the photos that hung on my wall sounded rote, or if he was even listening. i remembered him promising over the phone- months earlier- that if ever came over, he’d play my ‘sex and the city’ board game with me. i wasn’t gonna miss this chance! i never have anyone to play with!

it was cute, and sweet. we talked, joked while he set up the game. i liked that we didn’t just immediately start making out. we were like two human beings, just hanging out, playing the ‘sex and the city’ board game. neither of us ended up being very good, well that’s not true. i was a champ! maybe he was fibbing about having been a pro. I’ll never know. we played for like 8 minutes. i won. thank god.

he said ‘come here’. i put my hand in his. he pulled me towards him and kissed me.

(to be continued)

TONIGHT: BOYCRAZY RADIO!

TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY MAY 26, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL: 1(646) 378-0649 to CALL IN!

you are not alone! that’s what I’m here for!

call me tonight!

we’ll bro out and talk about:

sexxxting, Robert Pattinson, suicide, side boobs, the MTV movie awards, glee, boy/girl trolling, kanye west, love, the hills, sex, joel mchale, relationships, monogamy, birth control, stds, abortions, binge eating, 30 rock, stupid parents you hate- who probably hate you too-maybers? the mall, basketball, weight, depression, outfits, house parties, bbqs, target, cramps, the dodgers, the lakers, the yankees, the mets, how much you hate sportz, your period, flirting, picking up girls/guys, going down on a dude/a girl, approaching the opposite sex, prom, memorial day weekend, or just say hi! whatevs!

IF YOU’RE A BABE, CALL IN.

IF YOU’RE NOT A BABE, CALL IN!

TALK TO YOU LATER TONIGHT!

xo, Alexi

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio


the blind leading the blind (part 41):

1. using abortions as birth control is TOTALLY not cool! unless you really love him!

2. pt cruisers aren’t cool. and PS: they never will be. even as a rental car. and in creme, you may as well be driving a baby boot. do yourself a favor and sell that shizz. e-bay it if you have to! it’s not a sexy look. sorry mommy.

3. you’re always more likable when you’re with your mom. unless she drives a pt cruiser.

4. if you’re hanging out with your girl friends, and you’re a girl too, and they both get cold – but you don’t– it means you’re the fat one in the group.

5. bad situations will make you a better, stronger person. but one too many bad situations, will make you a serial killer.

6. do not use the phrase “I’m just gonna ‘do ME’ right now” or “you should just ‘do YOU’ right now”. as in: ‘i need some time to work on myself.’ or ‘you should use this time to work on YOURSELF. yuck! it’s a gross phrase people! and it shouldn’t have caught on as much as it has! so let’s help stop the forward motion! it sounds so soccer mom/lifetime movie! it’s as bad as one of those dance scenes that comes out of nowhere in a rom-com; where a woman is alone in her kitchen, in her undies, singing into a spatula, dancing for no reason! it’s as bad as when a  middle aged, dorky, white, woman snaps and says ‘you go grrrrl’. just don’t!

7. pellegrino bottles are the new starbux cup! more pretentious AND better for you!

8. hold up! i already feel bad for writing that Starbux! I’m sorry! I love you! you and I both know you’re irreplaceable. please don’t hate me for having a passing thought. you’re the best. Love, lex.

9. only have friends from outta town, who can stay at hotels when visiting you. this includes family too.

10. i can’t believe this shit! it’s bad enough living in a world with crazy politics & war & stuff: but then I have to hear grammatical errors used in mainstream media and pop songs! this is just too much!

EXIBIT A: a Chase Bank commercial on the radio said: ATM machine!

it’s ‘ATM’ GODDAMMIT!

‘ATM’ stands for ‘automatic teller machine’. when you say ‘atm machine’ it’s redundant! would you say ‘automatic teller machine machine’? i don’t think so!

EXHIBIT B: a Beyonce song says: ‘I could care less’!

Wtf?! the correct phrase is ‘I COULDN’T care less’!

now, get with the program!

i love you.

the reason it’s ‘i COULDN’T care less’, is because you care soooo little– you couldn’t possibly care any less than you already do! that’s how LITTLE you care!

make it YOURS mondays: a SONG inspired by SIDE BOOBS!!!!

Hey Alexi,

I came across your videos from a friend’s facebook status updates, and I have to say I’m very very enthralled. I saw the uber-quirky, but still punchy video you made about “sideboob” (which I must admit I’ve noticed happening on the streets of BK and in Downtown Manhattan/LES as well, but the way you captured it conceptually in your short video was really gripping yo! So I had to do something with that. I made this summer song in my bedroom, inspired by your video.

Keep up the good work!

Peace and be well,

Devin Kenny

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

INSPIRED BY THIS:

boycrazy trend report: side boobs! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the blind leading the blind (part 40):

1. dear starbux, i love you soooo much. but sometimes, when I walk inside you, it smells like period. It just does.

2. if you wear ed hardy or anything christian audigier, you’re a douche bag. Sorry. This isn’t up for discussion. It’s a fact.

3. chat roulette = scary times USA! chances are you’ll end up 1.) seeing a dude with his dick in his hand, 2.) witnessing a murder, or 3.) chatting with a 14 year old or Paris Hilton. your call.

4. do something that scares you everyday. Except rob a bank. Don’t do that.

5. women need to start acting more like gay men: fierce, bold, & empowered!

6. straight dudes need to stop acting soooo much like gay men.

7. power meetings are the new black! They make you feel sexy, powerful, and ten pounds lighter!  just setting one up will make you feel like you belong to an exclusive club! cuz you know what? YOU DO!

8. feel free to put money in a strangers expired parking meter… just cuz. it’s called good karma/being a nice person! you fucking ungrateful cunt-rag jerk. LYLAS!

9. snitches get stitches!

10. a run in your black tights isn’t a problem! no no no! it’s the solution! it’s the way to be! the way to be cooler!

PS: THANK YOU SOOO MUCH TO THE LA WEEKLY, LINA LECARO, AND KEVIN SCANLON! YOU MADE MY YEAR! xoxo

TONIGHT: BOYCRAZY RADIO!


TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY MAY 19, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

you are not alone! that’s what I’m here for!

call me tonight!

we’ll bro out and talk about:

singing in the shower, sexxxting, the lakers, robert pattinson, suicide, side boobs, fucking, stress, glee, boy/girl trolling, kanye west, love, the hills, sex, joel mchale, relationships, monogamy, birth control, stds, abortions, binge eating, 30 rock, stupid parents you hate- who hate you maybers? the mall, basketball, weight, depression, outfits, house parties, bbqs, target, cramps, the dodgers, your period, flirting, picking up girls/guys, going down on a dude/a girl, approaching the opposite sex, or just say hi! whatevs!

PLUS: we’ll roll play!!!! like LAST week!

IF YOU’RE A BABE, CALL IN.

IF YOU’RE NOT A BABE, CALL IN!

DIAL: 1(646) 378-0649

TALK TO YOU LATER TONIGHT!

xo, Alexi

ps: subscribe to BOYCRAZY RADIO on I-TUNES!

TODAY IN CANADA:

HELLO CANADA!

I’LL BE ON THE SHOW ‘MUCH ON DEMAND’

ON MUCH MUSIC TV TODAY @ 5:30PM EST

LIVE VIA WEBCAM! CAN YOU HANDLE IT!!!!!?????

I’LL BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT: PROM, LOVE, SEX, DATING, AND LIFE IN GENERAL!

IF YOU’D LIKE TO SUBMIT A QUESTION, SEND AN E-MAIL TO:

ondemand@muchmusic.com
OR
SEND A TWEET TO
@MuchMusic

IF YOU MISS IT, IT’LL REPLAY AT 11PM EST

AND THE FOLLOWING DAY @ 8AM EST

I LOVE YOU CANADA!!!!!! xoxoxoxo

PS:

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @imboycrazy

make it YOURS mondays: DOUBLE FEATURE!

NO.2 from Chandon on Vimeo.

TONIGHT! THE PLACE TO BE…..



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