We are early, and we wait graciously. Don’t throw a hissy-fit if a girl is late, because chances are she’s late because she was trying to look pretty for you, asshole. Besides, men just don’t throw hissy fits.

Open doors, especially car doors and heavy building doors. Extend your hand to help her get in and out of the car, because it’s low and her heels are high, and don’t fucking complain about holding a purse for 30 seconds.

Pay for checks, preferably while she’s not sitting at the table. In fact, if you are good, she should never realize that there was even a check. You’ll just stand up and leave when you are done.

If you can’t cook breakfast, you better wash dishes.

Don’t complain about getting dirty or doing gross stuff. Plunge toilets, take out trash, mow lawns, haul dirt, dig holes, deal with bugs and vermin, clean big messes. Don’t be a pansy, it’s unbecoming.

Real men fix things, we don’t just throw them away. Every time you take something and you improve it, you made the world a little better of a place. Live by that. Do your best to fix your things, your relationships and the world you live in.

Real mean read. And I’m not talking about Maxim. You don’t have to be all literati, but you should have at least read *something* by Orwell, Hemingway, Plath, Nabokov, Plato and Fitzgerald. A little bit of everything.

Real men work. I’m not necessarily talking about a job, I’m talking about doing *something*. Write, paint, garden, sell commodities, put out fires, run a restaurant, raise your kids, I don’t care, just do something other than staring at the fucking TV/Internet.

Real men know how to dress. Rock your kicks and white tee at night, cool. But you should know how to tie a tie in more than one way, how to pick out cuff links, when a black suit is appropriate, and when it isn’t.