BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 41):
1. using abortions as birth control is TOTALLY not cool! unless you really love him!
2. pt cruisers aren’t cool. and PS: they never will be. even as a rental car. and in creme, you may as well be driving a baby boot. do yourself a favor and sell that shizz. e-bay it if you have to! it’s not a sexy look. sorry mommy.
3. you’re always more likable when you’re with your mom. unless she drives a pt cruiser.
4. if you’re hanging out with your girl friends, and you’re a girl too, and they both get cold – but you don’t- it means you’re the fat one in the group.
5. bad situations will make you a better, stronger person. but one too many bad situations, will make you a serial killer.
6. do not use the phrase “I’m just gonna ‘do ME’ right now” or “you should just ‘do YOU’ right now”. as in: ‘i need some time to work on myself.’ or ‘you should use this time to work on YOURSELF. yuck! it’s a gross phrase people! and it shouldn’t have caught on as much as it has! so let’s help stop the forward motion! it sounds so soccer mom/lifetime movie! it’s as bad as one of those dance scenes that comes out of nowhere in a rom-com; where a woman is alone in her kitchen, in her undies, singing into a spatula, dancing for no reason! it’s as bad as when a middle aged, dorky, white, woman snaps and says ‘you go grrrrl’. just don’t!
7. pellegrino bottles are the new starbux cup! more pretentious AND better for you!
8. hold up! i already feel bad for writing that Starbux! I’m sorry! I love you! you and I both know you’re irreplaceable. please don’t hate me for having a passing thought. you’re the best. Love, lex.
9. only have friends from outta town, who can stay at hotels when visiting you. this includes family too.
10. i can’t believe this shit! it’s bad enough living in a world with crazy politics & war & stuff: but then I have to hear grammatical errors used in mainstream media and pop songs! this is just too much!
• EXIBIT A: a Chase Bank commercial on the radio said: ATM machine!
it’s ’ATM’ GODDAMMIT!
‘ATM’ stands for ‘automatic teller machine’. when you say ‘atm machine’ it’s redundant! would you say ‘automatic teller machine machine’? i don’t think so!
• EXHIBIT B: a Beyonce song says: ’I could care less’!
Wtf?! the correct phrase is ’I COULDN’T care less’!
now, get with the program!
i love you.
the reason it’s ‘i COULDN’T care less’, is because you care soooo little- you couldn’t possibly care any less than you already do! that’s how LITTLE you care!
Loved this. That’s all I really wanted to say but apparently my comment was “too short.” Such much for conciseness. xo
Hahah I love these!
-pt cruisers are pt losers
-pellegrino is the best accessorie
Amen and cheers to another witty and fitting BLTB
um, seriously girl! the ATM thing gets me every time. pt cruisers suck, i second that emotion.
How much does “I couldn’t care less” irritate me? Almost as much as A-holes spelling definitely with an “A” or improper use of “there”/”their”/”they’re” GO BACK TO THE 3RD GRADE!!!
also, Alexi, I love you
Maybe Beyonce could care less? Like she really does care and so it would be very possible for her to care less than she actually does??
The ATM thing is just stupid. As are people who say PIN number…
x
WHENEVER i try to explain the I COULDN”T care less, no one understands what i’m saying! It’s so true though!!!
great bltb but please fix the erronous “too” in the 2nd para. don’t be another one with grammatical errors!
i think alexi is in this video at like 20 seconds.
http://tongal.com/submission-detail.shtml?projectId=42&submissionId=2043
um, jenna, you are so wrong it hurts.
My PT cursier resents those remarks. I use it like a truck for work and have used it to haul tons of lumber (I make custom furniture). At this point it is not pretty but it is a work horse that gets me up to 34 miles per gallon on the open road (and that is cool). If you remember the multitude of clowns at the circus getting out of a small car I have done the same with my PT as I had a crowd one time that couldn’t believe how much I pulled out of it. Everyone was laughing by the time I had taken everything out.
I agree with all but number 1. Abortions should be used as birth control, under NO circumstances.
Shut up already. Pt cruiser jokes 2007.
I could care less – this isn’t just a Beyonce problem, it’s an AMERICAN problem!
I’m a New Zealander and I’ve been telling my American friends for the past few years that the phrase I could care less means you literally COULD care less.
I love you Alexi!
p.s. just so you know the girl in your freepeople.com ad is a New Zealander too. Her name is Karla Devine. GO THE KIWIS.
People hate things because it reminds them of things about themselves. So what did PT Cruisers do to you? Some guy who drove one turn you down? Couldn’t get approved to buy the one you wanted?
But, I could care less, your superficial nature hasn’t brought me down enough yet. And for miss eye sac miller, you are in fact a big non-American problem that I couldn’t careless about. Ha!
yes cara. u got me. pt cruisers remind me of me. i’m a baby boot.
or are YOU offended cuz that’s what YOU drive.
this is about you cara. and that’s ok.
i love you.
Number 4 probably means that some of your readers will never admit to being cold again!
Ooh, exact opposite of what I meant to say. Well maybe it’s more interesting that way.
i hate when people call me a grammar nazi. i mean, would you prefer to continue making mistakes and therefore sound unintelligent?
so, in short, thank you and i love you.
I get ill with the non-word “irregardless”. think about it. the word makes no sense.
#4 is so terrible, but so hilarious. And probably true.
#5 is just the truth.
Yep, always said the PT cruiser was just the ugliest thing…
#7 is SO true.
The Skinny/Cold one is so so funny!
I love you
ps where do you get all your cool pics from?
alexi!
what’s up with the picture?? she looks like she’s been abused and/or has an eating disorder! i don’t understand why this should be considered fashionable.. what was the purpose behind putting up this photo?
Does that mean i’m the fat one in the group haha?
also hate it when ppl say “for god sakes” instead of “for god’s sake!” FOR FUCK’S SAKE YA’LL.
p.s. i think i just saw your lower jaw in a tostitos commercial!
Hahaha #4! Love this list! Love you!
the last part really bothers me haha. i hear people say it alllll the time! GAH!
Thank you for the grammar lesson! Seriously! The Beyonce thing totally bugged me, too.
Wow, you totally just schooled me on that grammar lesson. (Eek, I just said ‘schooled.’) I’m pretty sure I have made those same mistakes, but never again! Promise!
http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/
Just discovered this blog. (Thank the LA Weekly.) You’re rather funny. And sexy too. Not much of a feminist, though. You’re also a bit narcissistic but that’s the times, I guess. I’m a grammar stickler too but your argument against “I could care less” misses the irony. You, child, grew up in a culture awash in irony. (I didn’t, I’m old. And male, BTW. Thanks for all of the pics of tits.) Everything now is so irony laden that truth and sincerity kind of get squeezed dry. But “I could care less” is meant to be ironic. Or an incomplete sentence.
You’re beautiful too. (Enjoyed your foray into “side boobs.” I’m a father of daughters myself so I promise I kept my hands on the mouse and keyboard. At least until after they’re in bed.) Not that your looks should manner but your face seems to be everywhere on the blog. (Hence the narcissism comment.) You’re a little callow sometimes but that’s OK. I’m smitten. (If I had your eye color I’d be so hot!)
Best wishes and praise.
hahhaah i liked deiters comment.
also alexi thank you for the “do you” shpeel because i fucking hate that saying more than anything
no alexi i’m afraid you’re the oversimplifying on this one: the phrase “i could care less” is an english translation of a yiddish idiom. the phrase was said with an air of sarcasm or irony, indicating that the person meant the opposite of what he or she was saying. saying “i could care less” with a snide tone would convey that in fact, you totally don’t care. but this tinge in delivery has been lost somewhere along the road… anyway…
just don’t assume you’re the authority on language, because sometimes the meanings we encode go beyond adherence to grammar or what seems intuitively accurate
funny song though
#4- alexi, sorry, but fuck, even if i AM the fat one, i have the goddamn evolutionary ADVANTAGE.
#10- YESYESYES.
ps i have never commented on this site before. i think. and i just want to say it makes my day. sometimes.
BAHA. The baby boot thing had me rolling. And cara’s comment. And your retort. <3
ATM is listed in Webster’s Dictionary as a noun, as well as an abbreviation with an actual definition, not just the acronym spelled out. I think its one of those things that over time becomes its own entity – like NASA. So pretty lame to waste your time and energy being annoyed by it. I enjoyed your blog until I read that rant; before I was able to look past your grammatical (including, but not limited to: punctuation, spelling and capitalization) atrocities. Stay hip.
I think that phrase could go either way.
[...] Don’t say “ATM Machine” to Alexi Wasser! (Im Boy Crazy) [...]
10…people are so stupid, omg