BLOG » under the skirt, over the panties:

Ever since my first kiss, under the hidden stairs of a temple at one of my classmates bar mitzvahs, with a mouth full of braces and a crazy tongue circling technique- i learned something. something that hasn’t changed from then to know:
Boys will ALWAYS see how far they can take can go; how far they can take it, when it comes to sexy times.

it’s as though ALL thoughts/fear/acknowledgement of getting AIDS, herpes, warts, chlamydia, whatevs, goes out the window when their dick is involved. if they kiss you, they wanna suck on your boobs. if they get that, they wanna put their hands in your undies. if they finger you, they want to lick you. if you give them get a blow job, they want to cum in your mouth/on your face/in your eyeball; and for you to swallow like a champ! and if they know you’re gonna sexxx them, they want to fuck you WITHOUT a condom. they NEVER want to wear a condom! ‘it’s too tight’, ‘it’s too big’, ‘i can’t feel anything’, ‘it’s so annoying’, ‘i hate these fucking things’, ‘i’m clean i swear.’ wahhhhh!

it’s like going into battle;

it’s like wheeling and dealing at some flea market in Abu Dhabi (reference made in honor of sex and the city 2: coming soon, to a theatre near you muthah-fuckahz/ladies/my gay brothers!)

it’s like playing Russian roulette with an aids baby instead of a bullet!

it’s like sitting down without a lawyer in court, with a possible life sentence of…. like death.

you just have to make your case, make it good, and stand by it! so you don’t get a life sentence! all the while keeping your voice sexy and the mood light.

Nowadays you have to protect yourself while trying to get close to someone. it fucking sucks! It’s easy to start resenting a guy right away when sex is involved. what you let happen sexually is something you end up panicking over/worrying about- the next day, or even moments after. instead of ‘wow. we just connected in such a literal, beautiful, biblical way! yayzers!’ you think ‘i hope the condom didn’t break. he better not have lied about not having herpes. shit, he probably just doesn’t even know cuz he’s too lazy to get tested. if he was such a pro about getting in MY vadge without a condom, he must have experience talking OTHERS into being fucked sans condom!”

instead of thinking ‘i wonder if he’ll call me.’ you’re waiting for his TEXT three days later while sitting in the waiting room at your gyno’s office praying to god you’re not preggers, positive for syphilis, warts, etc.

All this worry even if he DID wear a condom AND pulled out before he came! you just NEVER know! THAT’S how scary it is nowadays! Sex is a liability, not a luxury! and abortions aren’t another form of birth control! they’re scary too! avoid those at all costs, if you can.

But as scary as fucking, and licking, and sexing, and sucking  is in 2010- love, sex, and hormones are STILL too powerful to say no to! now, then, and FOREVER! So i guess all we can do is just know what we’re getting ourselves into, not feel pressured or bullied, use condoms, birth control pills, spermicide, diaphragms, take preventative valtrex, get tested after every time we sexxx someone/blow someone/get eaten out by someone, and basically try our hardest not to end up soaked in a bucket load of aids infected cum.

good luck.

i love you.

47 Responses to “under the skirt, over the panties:”

  1. If a guy wants to fuck me without a condom I tell him “no problem, lemme just put some neosporin on my herpes sores so the friction won’t rip them off.”

  2. That usually stops them from trying to ride me bareback.

  3. you’re amazing. and oh so right, so now I sleep with girls. let me rephrase that.. girl, so as to protect myself from the infected peen of Los Angeles we’ve both been tested and don’t sleep with other people, so until that ends and I venture back into the world of penis or, god forbid, stay lez, I’m safe in my little vagina bubble. ew vagina bubble.

  4. Good 1 Depraved Girl , Well this is a Virgin Speaking and when ever i do get the chance to engage in sex im positive im always going to use a condom , “Strap Up , Or Back-Up” is my Motto <33

  5. Aaaaaand she’s back. This was brilliant, Alexi. You should be a spokesperson for teenage safe sex.

    Another thing you could address are the trust issues in sex. I had a bf who I was with for a good chunk of a year and I was completely faithful to him. He knew this, but he wouldn’t fuck me without a condom. He had tons of girls cheat on him and expected I would do the same. I was on birth control and didn’t mind condoms before but it changed with him. When we didn’t have any, he would prefer to stop or run to the store. Now, if I’m in a committed relationship, it bothers me if we use condoms because I equate to trust issues. Yeah, I’m fucked up.

  6. i hate hate hate how hard it is to get a guy to put on a condom. my last boyfriend (when i asked if he’d ever been tested) said “no, i’ve only ever slept with people i know” kind of logic is that? oh just because you know them means they must not have any herps or anything!? ugh.
    i’m most frustrated by the fact that i get tested everytime i’m about to (or have) bang(ed) someone new, but it seems like no fellas are doing the same. why is this my responsibility and not yours guys? lame.

  7. Plenty of ladies want to see how far they can take it, will suck a dick before they know your name, hate to use condoms, will lie and complain and do what it takes to get off. Plenty of ladies will wait three days to text. Ok, maybe not the texting part– fucking double standards. The irresponsibility in sexing is not owned solely by those with dicks is my point. And the only reason I clicked on this link was because it had boobs.

  8. this terrified me.

    also, what’s with the boobs recently?

  9. i just typed out an awesome comment and got told that it was “spammy” – what’s with that? 🙁

  10. Where are the girls that don’t feel this way? Maybe it’s just me but girls I’ve been with rarely asked to use a condom.

  11. Boys are generally irresponsible/wont get tested/dont care about these risks. Honestly. make a big deal about it. This is stupidity on their part and extremely serious.They should know that. I have taught a few of these important lessons to some men in my days, dont be afraid to speak up and make them feel bad for trying to make you pregnant or disease you up!!

  12. I HATE being soaked in a bucket load of aids infected cum! 🙁

  13. There are so many dirtybirds out there, yet it amazes me how many people I know who don’t use condoms. Grossss. And yeah, both guys and girls I’m talking about. It’s kind of humorous when guy friends are like, “Dude, why haven’t you tried to hook me up with your friend?!” Because you’re dirty and slutty—that’s why!

  14. This post could not be more relevant to my life right now! A recent drunken rendezvous was a little bit ambiguous on the condom front. I made him go get one, I remember him putting it on, but it was definitely NOT there the whole night. I don’t know why guys are so lazy about condoms. It’s ridiculous. Anyway, I just got tested, so crossing my fingers for that. Oh, and PS thank GOD for Plan B!!!!! Yikes! no glove, no love… Thank you Dawson’s Creek! 🙂

  15. You talk the biggest amount of shit.

  16. yay i missed your writing!

  17. What is this some kind of scare tactic? Please. Girls and Guys are both WHORES, people know what they like and how to get it. Throw in some alcohol, spring fever and a good look…a damn kiss will turn into condomless anal with spit for lube, funny thing too – with his last girlfriend he didn’t even like it raw. Hit your brakes Counselor Alexi, who are you preaching your opinion here to, The Sophomore class of 2012? Your view here is one sided and not realistic, you make every sexual active human seem like a diseased fueled vamp. Maybe instead of the American Apparel dick you ride save your self the time “writing” and post audio files of crying babies, images of aborted fetuses, condom how to’s and pharmaceutical adverts. Stay Horny.

  18. fuck you guys. people need to hear this because they are WHORES! and they need to be enlightened! we should all take her advice. because its GOOD advice! stats and numbers and videos are NOT going to make us have safer sex, someone we all idolize and love (such as Alexi) telling us we need to be safer about sex will make us safer because we absorb what she says like a sponge! because we love her and want to be just like her, riiight?? am I making any sense??? what evs. just check yourself, before you wreck yourself and get the herps.

  19. What about the physical/psychic bond. Sex with shitty selfish hormonal idiots will give you more then that. Casual sex is for children. If you don’t love them for all the good and bad, you shouldn’t fuck them. If you can’t tell him no, you shouldn’t fuck them. And, if you can’t figure out why guys don’t stop, here it is…the animal brain won’t let them easily and the curse of blueballs, which is not a myth, is the payoff of cutting it short. Blueballs is only second in pain to actually getting smashed in the nuts. Solution…learn how to jerk them off. As soon as he pops, he’ll stop pushing the issue. Wash your hands, done.

  20. see this makes me want to wait until marriage to have sex. he’ll still be there when i wake up in the morning and if i get pregnant it’ll be our love baby.

    get tested people!! ladies protect yourself and make ’em wear a condom EVERYTIME, that’s what i would do.

  21. Well, firstly … “boys” is the key word there. Not all books read the same.

    Now for the “fun” part. Condoms do not protect you from Herpes, folks. Take it from someone that learned that lesson the hard way.

  22. Boys hate condoms, it’s just a fact of life. It’s up to the ladies to stand up and say NO DEAL without it. And force your dude to get tested so that when you’re both committed to each other you can rip both you clothes of sans condom and do it where-ever when-ever, like on a tractor. True story.

    Love you Alexi!!

  23. i don’t care what some of these people are saying, i appreciate this

  24. Am I the only guy that wants to see papers of cleanliness before sex?

  25. i think that’s totally awesome Andrew! i think we should all have a doctor’s note/paper swap before we sex! and it should be dated too!

  26. Definitely dated. I am told “this kills the mood”, oh well, tough cookies no sex then.

  27. Sigh …. AIDS has been in discovered nearly 30 (THIRTY !) years ago. Everyone born after 1970 should have received at least SOME education towards how to protect against STD in the light of that.

    So I wonder why common sense still needs to be force fed and why your post rises so much controversy upon your audience.
    Would that possibly be a result of the freshwater attitude towards sexual education of oh-so-concerned parents who don’t want their kids to talk about that in school ?
    Just my 5 cents.

  28. I am with you on that Andrew. If I could I would have the person that I am dating come with me to get tested so that I know that they are. I have had a few scary moments in my life and @ age 30, I can’t afford to have someone tell me “Oh yeah I am clean” and find out that they did not get tested at all. I think couples should go and get tested together before they do ANYTHING!

    P.S. Love your show Alexi. You always make me smile when I listen to your show. Need to call in sometime.

  29. You’re speaking of serious Neanderthal mentality. Anyone who’s had sex with me knows I put on the condom without asking.

  30. Back in the early 80’s the worst you could fuck was a Gay Male Haitian 30 to40 years old who was also an introvenous drug user…by the turn of the century 10 to 15 years later that had changed to an 18 year old white american girl.

    When a girl tells a guy he can do anything he wants to her why do they always want to do anal?

  31. as a guy, i hate condoms. too tight, can’t feel it as much, takes the mood out of things to grab one – take your pick, they’re all legit excuses. but i’ll be damned if i hook up with a girl without one. somehow i find the idea of getting an STI or paying child support to be far more tedious than wrapping up.

    its just not right. its tough being a girl. we have all these needs but it just seems that somehow we always get the short end of the stick when it comes to sexing it up.
    Im still a virgin, and as much as i want to have sex already, i just cant do it untill i am in a monogamous relationship with someone and untill we are both tested (just because im not having sex,doesnt mean i dont do other stuff ;] haha) and im on birth controll AND he must use a condom. there is a complex code to get into my door.

    thanks for that alexi! 🙂 makes me more confident in my choices.


  34. Two, yes TWO, of my friends got HSV-1 of the va-jay-jay from their men going down on them (and no they didn’t have a sore at the time – the virus can be present without a sore). Coldsores on the vagina is apparently really fucking painful and you get unfairly treated like a leper. I won’t let guys go down on me anymore. Unless we’re committed and they’ve been tested for both strains of the virus. Fucking tedious.

  35. Thoughts?

    I like her writing. I see her from time to time out and about and always sort of wish she thought I was hot enough to interview.

    From AJ English’s formspring. Please interview him Alexi, he IS hot enough.

  36. the bit about regretting sex is v relevant to me atm, thanks!

  37. This is so true!! Dudes out there, please get your shit together! So we can get together!

  38. Was the SATC2 paid product placement?

  39. Yep. Agreeing with everything you wrote!!!! Ah, boys.

  40. Thank fuck for your website, seriously.

  41. this is perfect.

  42. oh kissing, fingering and licking..


  43. it’s been almost a month since a ‘blind leading the blind’
    i miss them

  44. Thanks alexi. You may have just saves me something terrible. Was about to make some bad decisions until I read this.

  45. the life in you is god amen


    I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

  47. I just want to point out that once a girl gets started they are as hard to stop as guys. I had t stop many times to tell a girl “rhyme what about the condom. Wait a sec k.” So let’s not pretend its just guys.

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