make it YOURS mondays!

make it YOURS mondays! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

If YOU wanna make next monday YOURS, click HERE for details!

and for the love of god, make it fucking YOURS god dammit! xo

the blind leading the blind (part 48):

1. don’t talk during a movie you fucking asshole! yeah, I’m talking to YOU and your fucking slut date! i can’t believe i even have to tell you this! this is some universal/unwritten/unspoken law shit! JESUS! this goes for texting too!

2. every time a man eats asparagus, SOMEWHERE a woman cries/gags.

3. write a list of anything and everything you wanna do before you die- and start doing it!!!

4. if you’re on a budget- just tell every restaurant you go to that it’s your birthday and get free cake! But, on second thought, you really shouldn’t be eating out so much you know!? maybe just order a coffee and get the free cake and run for it. but wait, you should pay for the coffee though dude. and leave a tip too. i mean, it’s the right thing to do.

5. just because it’s a soy chai latte, doesn’t mean it’s NOT gonna make you fat! cuz it TOTALLY will! except it’ll do it covert ninja styles! fat travels in liquid form too asshole! that’s what milkshakes are all about!

6. don’t drive when you have to pee! cuz if you get in a crash, your bladder could break and the pee will poison your insides. true story!

7. don’t blow your nose into toilet paper and then use that same toilet paper to wipe your privates. It’s gross. and it could give you aids maybe. JK JK, but TOTALLY a weird infection for sure!

8. if he drives a yellow car, he’s not worth your time.

9. wear sunscreen you idiot! Even in winter!

10. nothing matters! For real! We are all dying! no joke. I have to remember this shizz when I’m having a way crazy/off day and I feel scared and sad and let small things bother me. starting NOW, i DEMAND you say ‘i don’t give a fuck!’ to yourself! and whenever you’re trying to decide what you should do in a situation, ask yourself ‘what would the fifty year old me tell me to do?’ chances are, most likely, the fifty year old you will say ‘do it muthah-fuckah!’ it’s all about having no regrets and seizing the day!!!

TONIGHT: BOYCRAZY RADIO!

TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 25, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

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1(646) 378-0649

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we’ll bro out, role play, & talk about ALL your love/sex/dating/life dilemmas!

let me know you’re out there and are PRO ‘boycrazy radio’!

either way… I LOVE YOU!

xo, Alexi


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make it YOURS mondays: a letter from LIZ GOLDWYN!

the following is a written response to my last post and all the comments it received, by Liz Goldwyn!

this response is a big deal!

Liz Goldwyn is WAY cool, totally inspiring, super stylish, wears red lipstick like a pro, and has done a lot of rad shit! she’s even written a book! i know! a FUCKING BOOK!

she’s an artist, a writer, a filmmaker! and if i play it cool (OR just continue being myself, and she can find it in her heart to accept me)….. she just might be my new bfff TOO!

click HERE to check out her book and HERE to learn more about what she’s all about!
——————————————————————–
Ladies! Listen up!

I don’t want to get all girl power on you—but…Fuck that! —I shall!

We can achieve so much more by supporting each other than by tearing down—what is the purpose of judging, criticizing, being catty or competitive with other women?

We are faced with so many messages and obstacles about how we have to look behave succeed feel be feminine on a daily basis; and then we are going to go and make it harder on ourselves by hating on our own sex???!!

Other women constantly inspire me, and it makes me feel better about myself to be complimented or supported by them too… I will always tell a girl when I like her style, lipstick, writing, music, attitude, whatever, and I don’t care if that not a “cool” thing to do….Who said that we are not supposed to admire each other? Who said that we have to spend all our time worrying about what boys think of us? What about all the shit we want to do with our lives??!!! Lets stop wasting time on the small stuff!

What do we judge ourselves on? Our bodies?

Is she skinnier/ curvier/prettier/smaller boobs/ bigger ones/ etc?

It’s just exhausting and. …HELLO???!!! : Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 and the first female fertility symbols/ icons of beauty and sex appeal would be considered obese by today’s standards but this was once the norm! And on the opposite end of the spectrum… Olive Oyl (Popeye’s lady) –who might be called awkward and gangly was HOT STUFF! And she didn’t take shit from Popeye either!
So my point is there’s room for all types…

And as far as hating on other women’s success, let me just point out how few female CEO’s; Fortune 500 execs; movie directors; presidents, even…. fashion designers (??!) out are that are recognized and making the same salary as men…and in 2010 for goodness sake! It’s hard enough as it is to make it in this world, and then to have to contend with all the issues that come along with being a woman who is invested in business but doesn’t want to give up her corsets and high heels to be taken seriously? Is it really going to help any of us to be jealous of another’s achievements? I think there’s enough room for all of us, there certainly are for men… hmmmm….something to think about….

I could go on for pages, but I had to say a little something, as I look at Alexi’s blog and think about how I admire her for putting it all out there for us to look at and think about—and wish I could have the strength she does to be so honest and vulnerable in a public forum… maybe we can look at other women and find qualities we are attracted to instead of looking to men for self-esteem. We can love respect and admire men, but we gotta love ourselves first, ladies…

Xx

the perfect BFFF (best female friend forever):

All I’m looking for in a girlfriend is someone I can laugh with, who looks good on my arm and makes me cooler. We should be able to tell each-other anything without boundaries or judgement! No judgement! I’d love for you to teach me to wear red lipstick. And for me to feel comfortable enough for us to have tea at fancy hotels and people watch together. I want to WANT to see movies with you, cuz I’m naturally inclined to see them alone.

And I really want to bypass the whole calling dibs on a dude thing. If we BOTH like a guy- HE’LL decide who he wants to be with. We can’t say ‘he’s off limits’ just because we laid eyes on a guy/proclaimed a dude cute/or met him first. And we should BOTH be able to be OK with the outcome of the situation and let it go if he doesn’t like me/or you. Cuz I’LL totally be ok if he doesn’t like ME. That way we can remain friends and date whoever we click with best and never have to worry about our friendship limiting us/our love life! (I know the world is large- so why do we have to share the same crush on a guy?/blah blah blah- well, because the world is also small. And like attracts like and social circles are small and facebook and twitter are only making it smaller. So stepping on eachothers toes while flirting is bound to happen. So get the fuck over it and grow up. It’s totally not personal!) and we can make other girl friend/bffs feel lame/bad about themselves for not being as evolved as we are. We should be grown ups and above petty bullshit! We may watch the real housewives together (NYC is our FAVORITE- cuz we’re new yorkers too, even if we were born and raised in la- and rarely visit NYC as of late- it’s a way of life/mentality more than anything), but we don’t emulate their nonsense and drama- We just find it entertaining in small doses and are happy shizz like that doesn’t exist in our world! We love flipping out too! And agree we would both date Jeff Lewis if we were gay men! But like, we don’t ALWAYS have to agree- this is just a perfect fantasy with room for notes and compromise. Not too much compromise though! I’d really like for this friendship to be effortless!

I want to want for us to go shopping together. I’d also like it if you loved coffee. There. I said it. And BTW, I don’t want to feel ugly or fat or less than around you. I want to have slumber parties even though we’re not thirteen. I want to be able to call you at four in the morning and know it’s OK and that I’m safe and you won’t be mad at me because you love me and you understand that I wouldn’t be calling if It wasn’t important. I want to feel understood and accepted even if I’m not perfect. I want to help throw you a  birthday party or bridal shower or bachelorette party and for you to do the same for me (be my go to) if I decide to do any of those things too. I want us to be Madonna and Gweneth, minus the weird fight they got in that is still a little unclear to me, and ultimately none of my (our) bizness.

I don’t want to make-out or for us to have a threesome. I don’t want to sexualize this. This female friendship is a safe zone. We give enough blow jobs and bad hand jobs as it is. The last thing I wanna do is learn about your clitoris. I mean, I’m sure it’s beautiful, but it’s just not for me. And you’re not even bi sexual- Let alone a lesbian. So why am I even explaining myself? Anywayzies, together we are in a safe, fun, cozy, girly bubble. We can talk about dreams and boys, and shopping, and fucking, and taking over the world. I don’t even wanna borrow your clothes. This isn’t about that! I don’t want to lend you money or borrow money, I just want to be emotional rocks for one another and to be eachothers person to be held accountable. I want to have movie marathons, and go dancing together and maybe even go on a road trip to Vegas- even though I don’t even really like Vegas- but we would go ironically and take in a Chippendale’s show, go to a strip club, see Cher. I wanna go to your house and get ready/dressed up for fancy parties together! I want us to be better off for knowing eachother and being in eachothers life.

I want your friends to like me and not be territorial/too cool for school dicks who make this forging of a friendship difficult for us! I’m awesome! what is their deal?! People don’t own people! What’s with the pack mentality? Actually, it’s cool, but let me be part of the pack first and then we can pull that shit on other people. But not really, but maybe. Cuz it feels good to feel like you’re a cooler kid and excluding lame-os. but that’s lame and we’re not in 7th grade. And it’s bad karma too. But if you MUST do that, don’t you fucking dare treat me like a lame-o!

Back to my point, I want to want us to get manicure/pedicures together. Cuz I do all of this shit alone or with whoever my current boyfriend is.and I’m sick of it. I’m ok being alone. But that’s been done. I’d like to meet the one. I’d like to meet YOU! Whoever YOU are! I don’t even know if you exist. Or if I’d like you. Or if you’d like me. I wonder if I’ll ever be comfortable enough in my skin to feel calm with another women. Comfortable enough not to worry about my facial expressions when I’m listening to your stories with intense concentration/respect/and a tiny bit of devotion that lets you know I care and you are understood and heard. People want that! Fuck, they NEED it. Do all people deserve that, is another story! I want to feel comfortable enough not to think you hate me, or are talking shit about me when I leave the room or don’t see you for a little while.

i haven’t found a potential best friend who encompasses all these things, YET! but I’ve found fragments- here and there- in different people. and maybe that’s all i’ll ever find. but at least now I’ve painted a picture for myself, so i know what I’m looking for.  xo

TONIGHT: BOYCRAZY RADIO!

TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 18, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR TOLL FREE

1(877) 569-3588

to CALL IN!

we’ll bro out, role play, & talk about ALL your love/sex/dating/life dilemmas!

let me know you’re out there and are PRO ‘boycrazy radio’!

either way… I LOVE YOU!

xo, Alexi

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

make it YOURS monday!

If YOU wanna make next monday YOURS, click HERE for details!

and for the love of god, make it fucking YOURS god dammit! xo

‘where have i been?’ – a manic rant (part 2 of 2):

i felt compelled to start the cycle again. the control of ruining myself a little, then healing, then hurting myself. like a cutter . I would look at myself naked when I’d heal and think, ‘shit! Now I have nothing to complain about. i have nothing to keep me hidden in my apartment, or feeling bad/and hating myself. i don’t have my secret project that keeps me feeling like I have control.’ So I’d eat too much, or start the cycle with tweezers again, or tune out while I went into a facebook trance while my right hand would do home surgery on my face and/or back. My controlled chaos/anxiety reliever.

Somehow with therapy and time and learning to remind myself to be nice/kind to myself or at least not so fucking ruthless (cuz if I’m not nice to myself, who else will be/why should anyone else be?) and through my therapist telling me that my issues aren’t gonna go away over night and that’s OK and to look at being kind to myself as a life long practice, that i should begin now- I’ve felt better. i have to look at being nicer to myself as a perpetual life practice from now on. it’s life work- never ending. and not to be so hard on myself, to treat myself like I’m my own daughter. he even suggested i carry a photo of myself as a kid (which i did) to basically remind myself of this daily.

My skin is kinda healing- the peel at my dermo helped, along with retin a, aczone, neutrogena grapefruit salicylic acne wash, st Ives apricot face scrub in naturally clear AND fresh skin (and no, I’m not being paid to give them shout outs (unfortunately), and meetings I had no choice but to have some self control/look nice for.

only NOW am I STARTING to date again. these dates are few and far between (at least according to my usual standards) cuz dating can be stressful and scary! plus I barely have any time. but I’ve finally slept with someone for the first time in 6 months. I’ve had some make-outs, given several blow jobs- one klunky, another I’m proud of- you know… I’m living my life!

but mainly I’m trying not to literally/figuratively pick at myself, hate what I look like, and self sabotage. when it comes to being mean to myself, I’m the worst! I always have been. no one could ever be meaner to me than i already am/have been to myself. I love to think for everyone else and decide what mean thing they may or may not be thinking of me. it’s another tactic i use to feel as though i have some control over my life. I like to assume control by beating the other person to the punch. but it’s a lot of work, energy, isn’t always accurate, and keeps me from getting close to people- Usually men, but now that i think about it, probably girls too! is that why i have so few female friends? well that AND the fact that i can’t sexualize stuff with woman- the way i can with a man, and the fact that my dad raised me to be a bit of a female misogynist, but I’m really trying to over come that. also, girls call dibs on guys, and that’s annoying! and girls can be catty and mean when all i want them to do is love me like the sister i never had. but i can be catty too, and I’m probably expecting way too much too soon. but ALSO, now that I’m getting it all out there, woman get mad so easily over tiny details, sometimes not all the time. anyway, this is a whole other post for another day.

The point IS, if there even IS a point, is that I feel like the fog has finally lifted. I’m in therapy. I have a meal delivery service that helps me feel like I have control over my eating habits (cuz I still can’t buy a box of cereal without eating the entire thing.) I have no desire for a boyfriend, but for the first time in 6 months I have moments when I think ‘it would be nice to be in love with the RIGHT person- a guy who’s my best friend who shares the same sense of humor and life goals as me, so we can be partners and make eachothers lives better. But those thoughts are FLEETING and only when I’m pms’ing. But they are around, which is a start.

but mainly I’m work obsessed/driven/and ambitious. which is great! am i right sistahs? where my ladies at? barf. you know what i mean!

i’m happy to be single. i need to be single. I’ve wanted to be single. being single is one of the best things in the world! and with my being an only child, I’m very good at being on my own.  sure, all this could go out the window tomorrow and i could fall in love and change my mind to ‘wow! being in love is the best thing in the world!’ (cuz it is too) but today, this is where I’m at. the tweezing has stopped, I’m writing again, and there are many more blow jobs/sexy tawdry love affairs in my future. i love you.

‘where have i been?’ – a manic rant (part 1 of 2):

i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my stories and rants have been lacking lately. I’ve been seriously blocked. blocked by breakups, unresolved feelings, a death in the family, five of my most serious ex boyfriends calling me out of the blue all in the same week; one of which i lived with & was engaged to- who called me up to meet for tea and then told me he’s having a baby with his new gf! and I’m OK with all of it. but i was stuck when it came to writing. maybe too many things happened for me to process. i collected too many stories and i didn’t know where to begin. the following is one of many rants to come- just some of the bullshit at the forefront of my mind. i love you:

I’m single again. I have been since the end of February. And immediately after that breakup, my back broke out bacne styles! and when it was on the verge of healing, I would sabotage myself by picking at my face, back, eating too much, tweezing my bikini line, shaving everything off (and by everything– I’m vaguely referring to the hair on my privates. And by privates I mean… how dare you!/my vagina.) I did this cuz it was my way of making sure I didn’t allow myself to be naked in front of anyone. There’s no way I’d fuck some dude if I had bacne and/or some botched vadge quaffe. No fucking way! personally, i can’t have sex if i don’t feel sexy/like how i look.) i was self sabotaging.

This was also my way of having some sort of control over myself/in my life/over my feelings. Some kind of calm and order within the chaos i wasn’t even aware i was feeling.

Even though he doesn’t know it/won’t believe it/whatevs– I was extremely jolted by how quickly I fell in and out of lust/love with my last boyfriend of two months. wait, is two months only considered a fling? oh well, who knows/who cares?! Either way, it was something intense and I hated that my feelings for him changed. I went in with such an open heart and the guy was and is great, just not for me- so when I realized it wasn’t right for me anymore and the timing for a relationship at all was bad in general (but is that really a real excuse even? doesn’t the right person negate timing issues? no! you know what? i truly believe timing is a real determining factor in whether or not a relationship will work. ‘timing’ in regards to how busy you are or how emotionally developed you are in that particular time in your life), it manifested in the worst way.

I didn’t cheat, I didn’t punch him in the face, I didn’t try to run him over with my car or anything- Instead I forced him to witness me wrestle with myself. suffer my annoying girly shenanigans of trying to force myself to stay in something that wasn’t right for me anymore, with one foot in and one foot out.  I was confusing, i was full of mixed messages, closing off emotionally, picking fights, trying to make him break up with me. I just didn’t know what to do! I was buying myself time cuz even I wasn’t a hundred percent sure how I felt. I didn’t want to NOT be into it anymore. i DIDN’T want to be over him! i didn’t want to feel this way. i wanted to feel like i did before, head over heels crazy about him. but i just didn’t anymore. and once that’s gone, you sure as hell can’t force it/re-create it/make it up/or fake it. it’s an invisible halo that hangs over two people and once it evaporates- it ain’t coming back muthah-fuckah. or at least, very rarely does it come back.

The dude was/is a sweetheart and a babe. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and I was shocked how quickly my mind could change. But it did. And when that happens, it’s chemistry, you can’t fake it. It fucking sucks. (yeah, i know this chunk was REDUNDANT- a lot of this story is! calm down!)

When it ended, I was relieved for BOTH of us because it was out on the table and I didn’t have to waste his time anymore. I threw myself into work. sure, I had a make-out here and there, but no desire to get naked in front of anyone. I made myself a little bit more ugly every day- literally picking on my self and thinking thoughts like: you’ll be lovable when- your skin clears up, when you lose ten pounds, when you’re successful, when you have more money, when you have a nicer car, in an alternate reality, in a time that may never come and you might just waste your whole life waiting for it- but keep waiting. I’ll keep you posted me! i thought these things and way worse things about myself/for myself (and every so often, still do) every time I looked in the mirror. And when my scabs/pimples healed and hair grew back or god forbid I actually liked my body (which is way more rare than me hating it) i wouldn’t know how to feel. i was confused. it felt uncomfortable to feel OK with myself. (to be continued)

TONIGHT: BOYCRAZY RADIO!

TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 11, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR TOLL FREE

1(877) 569-3588

to CALL IN!

we’ll bro out, role play, & talk about ALL your love/sex/dating/life dilemmas!

let me know you’re out there and are PRO ‘boycrazy radio’!

either way… I LOVE YOU!

xo, Alexi

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio


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