BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 46)- special ‘for dudes only’ edition (part 2 of 2):

1. it’s not OK to cum in a girls mouth without asking first! especially if it’s the first time she’s giving you a blow job! it’s so much sexier to make her beg for it! cuz one day she will motherfucker!

2. be the James Bond of relationships and romance, or at least behave well enough to get great word of mouth. Like a stealth pro, never let a woman regret having slept with you.

3. wear suits.

4. always make sure your date got home safely! all you have to say is ‘text me when you get home, so i know you’re ok’. how HARD is that? ANSWER: not hard at all.

5. be taller. AND IF YOU AREN’T; wear top hats, lifts, or just own your shit in a major way- without being an asshole though! cuz that just means you have a Napoleon complex and then the whole plan’s moot!

6. dear dude, thanks for being so accommodating and answering when i ask the question “excuse me, are you gay, straight, or bisexual?” On the other hand, NO thank you for being so confusing and forcing me/leaving me no choice but to ask the question in the first place!

7. if you’re a dude, and you slept with your supposed ‘best dude friend’s ex girlfriend- don’t text her while you’re standing next to him. It’s rude. and dangerous.

8. live your life like you have a big dick in your pants, even if you don’t.

9. if the girl likes you, the three day rule doesn’t apply! but you should probably still do it, to ensure that she likes you even MORE and questions her self worth.

10. send flowers. it sure as hell can’t make it worse!

11. i don’t hate you cuz you’re fat. No, not at all. I just think it would be in your best interest to lose some of that weight.

12. try not to hate your mom or dad! and if you do, get over that shizz! cuz the results can be/are relationship  suicide. this is actually unisex advice, but I’m looking out for my ladies.

*if you wanna date, disagree, marry, argue, bro out, agree, or be friends with me – follow me on twitter! i love you!


28 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 46)- special ‘for dudes only’ edition (part 2 of 2):”

  1. these dudes only posts have been my favourite blind leading the blinds in a long time
    and fav posts on imboycrazy in a long time

    thanks alexi!


  2. back to your golden days 🙂


  3. Whats up with hating one of your parents specifically what
    happens when you hate your father and you’re a girl.

    How is it that it fucks up with your love life?

    i would really like to know this.


  4. […] check the rest of the rules out at Alexis Blog Im Boy Crazy… This entry was posted on 06/08/2010 (Friday) at 4:12 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. […]


  5. boom. sensationalconcretes.blogspot.com is penisy


  6. Cannot agree more, although lifts would be a tad weird! ;p


  7. wear suits? where? just around? to starbucks on saturday? do you have any idea what idiots we’d look like? i love to wear suits and i have several great ones that i look amazing in, but if you just walk around wearing a suit and you’re not going to work or to a formal social event (in new york), you’re pretty much a weirdo. sorry. from this post i’m picturing your ideal guy being a really short dude wearing a suit with a top hat and lifts, maybe even with a sock in his underwear.


  8. this picture may or may not ruin my childhood. but i still love it. this is my fave part of your blog.


  9. So like im 5 8, I own my shitm I dont care, however what is it with the new trend in hating on short dudes? Women want a guy with character & personality 1st, however when you keep commenting about short dudes you kinda make you audience of women think short guys are worse then ugly fat dudes who arent worth the time to get to know. Do you think so Alexi?

    p.s. my mother died on 7/9/10 of breastcancer, I dont hate her, we didnt get along and I had to raise myself most of the time. She waited to hear from me so she could die. I am a stronger person for it. She left knowing she did the best.
    But please start saying something positive about short guys we could use the re-enforcement from someone with as much influence as you have


  10. ok ‘that guy’. and i’m sorry about your mom. thank you for sharing that btw. ps: i actually love short guys. i talk about the height thing a ton cuz i’m 5’11 and rarely like/meet boys who are taller than me. also, i don’t care if a guy is short- it’s all relative. i just mean the dude should be taller than the girl- most of the time.


  11. and more than anything, when i talk about height and private size- it’s more a confidence/attitude i’m encouraging! xo


  12. I am aware of you encouraging confidence but if we could get like a small write up like “why short guys are rad” or some sort of wasserisim that would be great. Yes while whole foods is the greatest choice for trolling, in a nightclub the short guy gets totally ignored, even though our personality & humor are usually killing it. Perhaps some great way for short guys to get that very sought after girl in a setting like that. I dunno, use your influence and show me how you have grown from your shallow ways 🙂


  13. “8. live your life like you have a big dick in your pants, even if you don’t.”

    …should be:

    “8. live your life like you have a big dick in your pants, unless you have a big dick in your pants, in which case, there’s nothing to prove, so hang.”

    Also, how about the flip-side? For the sake of equality:

    “8b. live your life like you have a tight pussy in your pants, even if you don’t.”


  14. Ha, the last one is so true. One time my friend went out with a guy who CALLED HIS MOM A BITCH! Without flinching, like it was normal. Uhhh, seriously? Talk about a deal-breaker!


  15. If I have to wear a suit it will be some place I have no desire to go.
    If a girl stops in the middle of having sex because she says you feel really big inside of her and she wants to check it out and look at it, does that mean you are of good enough stature?


  16. number 3!!! so important 🙂


  17. Wear suits. YES!!!


  18. Seriously, listen to Barney Stinson and suit up men! But only if it’s well tailored…


  19. well tailored! yes!


  20. stay classy people


  21. you always comment on height….you clearly haven’t met me…5’6″ and it has NEVER once been an issue with girls….including tall TALL ones. (6’+)

    I dont get it.


  22. god, I wish I could have whack my exbf in the face with these rules.. or a 2×4. yay for tall girls!! (I’m 5’11 too). Dating shorter guys are fine, as long as they can make you feel like they are taller than you. All about the confidence.


  23. 1)
    Just found this blog, and laughed out loud at this post. Love it. 🙂

    2)
    I’m also tall…. tall girls forever!

    3)
    I used to only feel comfortable dating taller guys, but then after a while I got over it and I’ve dated all sorts of heights. With some guys, I totally noticed that they were shorter because ~they~ were preoccupied with it as well… but for the record, the best sex and the best conversation I ever had was a bit shorter than me AND I NEVER NOTICED the height difference because I really was too distracted by his awesome personality/awesome bum.

    As he said, “hey, it’s all the same when we’re lying down, right?” 😉

    No worries short dudes! My best advice? If you’re dating a taller girl, come up with reasons to love her height rather than hate it. I.e. “Fuck your long legs are sexy” is way better than “Shit, sometimes I can believe how high up you are.”


  24. 1)
    Just found this blog, and laughed out loud at this post. Love it. 🙂

    2)
    I’m also tall…. tall girls forever!

    3)
    I used to only feel comfortable dating taller guys, but then after a while I got over it and I’ve dated all sorts of heights. With some guys, I totally noticed that they were shorter because ~they~ were preoccupied with it as well… but for the record, the best sex and the best conversation I ever had was a bit shorter than me AND I NEVER NOTICED the height difference because I really was too distracted by his awesome personality/awesome bum.

    As he said, “hey, it’s all the same when we’re lying down, right?” 😉

    No worries short dudes! My best advice? If you’re dating a taller girl, come up with reasons to love her height rather than hate it. I.e. “Fuck your long legs are sexy” is way better than “Shit, sometimes I can believe how high up you are.”


  25. 1)
    Just found this blog, and laughed out loud at this post. Love it. 🙂

    2)
    I’m also tall…. tall girls forever!

    3)
    I used to only feel comfortable dating taller guys, but then after a while I got over it and I’ve dated all sorts of heights. With some guys, I totally noticed that they were shorter because ~they~ were preoccupied with it as well… but for the record, the best sex and the best conversation I ever had was a bit shorter than me AND I NEVER NOTICED the height difference because I really was too distracted by his awesome personality/awesome bum.

    As he said, “hey, it’s all the same when we’re lying down, right?” 😉

    No worries short dudes! My best advice? If you’re dating a taller girl, come up with reasons to love her height rather than hate it. I.e. “Fuck your long legs are sexy” is way better than “Shit, sometimes I can believe how high up you are.”


  26. I think it would be better if dudes lived life like they didn’t have dicks in their pants at all… wouldn’t it?

    And to the short guy, do you really expect this girl to give you any praise? She’s obviously a man hater and is expecting way too much – NO MAN CAN MEET ALL OF THESE STANDARDS.


  27. hah, alexi, this fucking rocks. all this information is so essential, it’s amazing.

    i wanna rock with you ….all night/we gon rock the night awaaaay.


  28. this is why stupid books like ‘the game’ get written – to tell guys who’ve been beaten down with kind of retardation how to manipulate chicks like the author into the sack.

    the funny part of that is that girls like this generally think they’ve got it going on in bed, but to quote Gavin Mcinnis (a’s buddy – google it!) it’s usually like playing tennis with a toddler. if i need to RSVP before i blow a load in your mouth, it’s because you’re so wrapped up in looking like you know what you’re doing that you can’t even sense that i’m fiddin’ to bust and get your readymade ass out of the way if that’s not your deal.

    and strictly speaking – if that’s not your deal, no heat seeking motherfucker on the planet want to fuck around with you anyhow, check ’em you when you learn to love fucking.


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