BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 48):
1. don’t talk during a movie you fucking asshole! yeah, I’m talking to YOU and your fucking slut date! i can’t believe i even have to tell you this! this is some universal/unwritten/unspoken law shit! JESUS! this goes for texting too!
2. every time a man eats asparagus, SOMEWHERE a woman cries/gags.
4. if you’re on a budget- just tell every restaurant you go to that it’s your birthday and get free cake! But, on second thought, you really shouldn’t be eating out so much you know!? maybe just order a coffee and get the free cake and run for it. but wait, you should pay for the coffee though dude. and leave a tip too. i mean, it’s the right thing to do.
5. just because it’s a soy chai latte, doesn’t mean it’s NOT gonna make you fat! cuz it TOTALLY will! except it’ll do it covert ninja styles! fat travels in liquid form too asshole! that’s what milkshakes are all about!
6. don’t drive when you have to pee! cuz if you get in a crash, your bladder could break and the pee will poison your insides. true story!
7. don’t blow your nose into toilet paper and then use that same toilet paper to wipe your privates. It’s gross. and it could give you aids maybe. JK JK, but TOTALLY a weird infection for sure!
8. if he drives a yellow car, he’s not worth your time.
9. wear sunscreen you idiot! Even in winter!
10. nothing matters! For real! We are all dying! no joke. I have to remember this shizz when I’m having a way crazy/off day and I feel scared and sad and let small things bother me. starting NOW, i DEMAND you say ‘i don’t give a fuck!’ to yourself! and whenever you’re trying to decide what you should do in a situation, ask yourself ‘what would the fifty year old me tell me to do?’ chances are, most likely, the fifty year old you will say ‘do it muthah-fuckah!’ it’s all about having no regrets and seizing the day!!!