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Dear Alexi,

The reason I am writing this, mainly, is to tell you a story, and perhaps if you see fit, you could pass this information onto your readers. My daughter Kelsey is 19, and is a blond-haired, blue eyed cutie that any young man would trip over himself to get with. When she was 17, and still in school, my beautiful, intelligent, and funny baby girl started dating a boy, against my better judgment, that we hoped would just be a passing phase.

Flash forward to graduation… my honor roll student walked across the stage to get her diploma, 7 months pregnant. Essentially, she graduated in June, gave birth to my best-buddy-grandson in July, started college in August and turned 18 in September. That all sounds like a happy ending, but unfortunately it is only the beginning of what would turn out to be one of the longest, saddest, most painful years of my life.

In October of last year, against my better judgment, the boy… let’s refer to him as “The Boy”… moved in, supposedly to “give extra hands” with taking care of the baby. Let me switch gears for a second…

I guess I need to define “The Boy” a bit. He is a product of a family that is so convoluted and disjointed, you cannot tell the who the players are without a program. His mother and father where never married. They had him when THEY were only 17. When “The Boy” was 12, his junkie mother dropped him off, unannounced, at his father’s and told him that she didn’t want “The Boy” any longer. Dad is a high school dropout, and still smokes dope on a daily basis. Dad is also married to a bi-polar-psycho-bitch, for whom they haven’t invented the right words to describe. Step mom has a horrible temper and we are sure beat “The Boy”. I have heard from the only sane one in this whole mess of a family that when “The Boy” was small, dad used to get wasted, while “The Boy” would be present. Thanks to marriages and divorces and second and third marriages, I often times have to ask “now how is this person you are talking about related to you?”

OK, so where was I? Oh, October last year… “The Boy” started showing his true colors right away… sleeping here at night, eating then disappearing until all hours, EVERY freaking day. That got old, REAL fast. He had only been here about 3 weeks, when he found his sack, and opposed me in my own home, which sent me in “Papa Bear Mode”. I told him to get his stuff and get out. Also, I told him to give me my cell phone… I was paying for his cell phone because of the baby… he told me “no”… I said “gimme my phone and get out of my house!”… he said, “no”… I leaned in REAL close, so he was sure to hear every word I said, and through clenched teeth I hissed, “give-me-my-mother-fucking-phone-or-I-will-knock-you-down”… he said “no”.

Let me pause again to describe myself: I am a big ol’ strappin’ farm boy… 6’2″, 220 lbs of shaved head, tattoos, and hard work since I was old enough to stand (and I ALWAYS wear patch-pocket Levis, BTW :), so I have not really ever had much problem with people opposing me. Even though I am a teddy bear-and-a-half, when I have had to get mean, people always understood that I would break them in half, if I had to, and the situation would dissipate. Essentially, except for the sort of rough-housing males of all ages do, I have never laid a hand on another human being in my adult life… back to the story…

Well, I had made him a promise, and I had to keep it. I took him down, using my panther-like-ninja-farm boy skills (which means I knocked him down and jumped on him and pinned his scrawny ass to the floor). I literally had his throat under my left forearm, and had my right fist cocked back to bury it in his face, when I realized that with the force with which I was going to land the punch, I would probably kill him. I jumped off him and called the police and asked them to send out the “family crisis” team, because I knew they could help de-escalate the situation. Another first…the cops had to come to my house.

So the police came, and they had him figured out in about 2 seconds. He stood there lying to the police about the events that had just transpired, and I was sure that my daughter would see, finally, what a broken person he is, and would come to her senses. Nope, the cops made him leave the house, and the next day she moved out with the baby, to be with him.

For almost the next 12 months, I had no idea where they were from day to day. They were couch hopping, until they would wear out their welcome and then move on. They would pop up occasionally, but then would disappear. I did not even get to see my grandson for his first birthday. At several points they moved in with his father and step-bitch-mother, and that is a whole other story…I guess to shorten THAT part… the step-bitch actually started poisoning my daughter against me and my family, telling her that all we wanted to do was steal her baby, and convincing her that her own family would lie to her. Also, in the mean time, “The Boy”, dropped out of high school, just like his father, whom he idolizes, and still smokes dope every day, and never had a job until he was over 30… oh and a pack or two of cigarettes, also.

So to make a LONG story short (I know, too late!), they ran out of places to go, and in September of this year my daughter asked if they could move back in here. Unfortunately, she would follow “The Boy” anywhere he goes, so if he didn’t come, my daughter and the baby would have gone elsewhere. Having him move in was a bitter concession to knowing my daughter and grandson are both healthy and safe. She and I have talked many times about it, and she feels that she is “helping him get better”.

My daughter goes to college 8 a.m. until 8 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday and works 30+ hours all the other days of the week. He, is unemployable… even McDonald’s won’t hire a high school drop out who can’t squirt out a clean sample. He still smokes dope daily, sleeps until noon, gets up, eats, goes back to bed, and then parties all night with his motley bunch of morons, until he rolls in around fucking-late o’ clock. She never has any money, because he drives a gas-guzzling 1980-something Grand Marquis that was his grandfathers, and she buys him smokes, and I assume his dope, so after she buys a few things for the baby, she is broke again. On the rare occasion that he is here, he sits around with his shirt off, doing nothing. If I complain to my daughter that he is a leach and a parasite, and he could at least take the garbage out, she will do it, so he doesn’t have to. At this point I am just hoping she will get tired of picking up his slack.

I am getting to the end of my patients with the whole situation. In fact, I was to the END of my patients a LONG time ago. All the while my daughter says, “he is TRYING to quit smoking weed”, which is ironic, because typically, the FIRST step in quitting something is actually QUITTING. She also says that, “he is getting better with my help”. From what I have seen over the last 4 or so months (make that 2 or so years) is that he has not changed one freaking bit. It is like he has one foot nailed to the floor and is walking in a circle, instead of even moving an inch forward. “The Boy’s” grandfather is the same brand of loser, as is his father, and as is he. I REFUSE to allow my grandson to become a fourth generation derelict!

The point of this awfully long monologue is this (Oh thank GOD! He is getting to his point!): in all the history of men and women, maybe THREE girls have ever “fixed” a boy. Unless God lights the shrubs on fire in the front yard, the only other person who can “fix” a broken boy, is that boy himself… and he needs to WANT to be “fixed” in the first place. I have seen too many girls, and now my daughter is one of them, who are attracted to a “bad boy”, but by the time they figure out that the only thing “bad” about them is that they are bad at life in general, they have wasted too many weeks-month-even-years on them. Only houses can be “fixer-uppers”, if a girl likes a boy and plan on changing him, she is in for a long, sad, frustrating, and many times, painful future. If your boyfriend would rather watch football than go to the park and have a picnic with you, and then you marry him, guess what he will still rather be doing in 20 years? If your boyfriend is a pot-head, the love of a woman is not going to clean him up, etc, etc. Girls need to be smarter, and start with a boy with similar interests and values and build from there, and let the bad boys hook up with girls who haven’t got a clue how life is supposed to work, either.

Thanks for listening.

53 Responses to “the importance of NOT falling in love with a loser:”

  1. thank you so much for this.

  2. Naw, so true. And I just love that a grandfather with tatts and a skinhead reads your blog – you’re both awesome. :)

  3. I love this!!!! Wise words. I’m so sorry about your daughter and grandson, let’s hope she comes to her senses, and sooner rather than later!!

  4. thank you, this was real.

  5. This man speaks the truth. Gramps, get a lawyer and take the kid. She will come back when she gets tired of the loser, but the kid should not have to go through all that. PS, you are too nice, I would stomp a mud hole in his ass so bad that the fear of it happening again would supercede his “love” for my daughter…just don’t get caught. If anybody asks “what happened?” just take a page out of the cops’ handbook and say “I don’t know, I guess he ‘fell’?”

  6. Great submission, thank you for this. An eye-opening story to this man’s perspective. His love for his daughter and grandson are palpable, but sometimes love isn’t all you need — something his daughter will have to learn (or to really feel to realize what “it” is that she has with this guy!)

  7. You can change a “habit” but you can not change a personality. That stands true for male or female. I feel for this guy but there are “bad” girls also. I know because I was married to one. I figured with love things would change but it never did over our 17 years.

    Request for Alexi: How about a radio show at an time that is not midnight for us on the east coast. Hard to keep the eyes open mid week at that time.

  8. Wow, this was amazing and sad all at the same time.

  9. “I am a big ol’ strappin’ farm boy… 6′2″……I am a teddy bear-and-a-half…” aww that’s what I need. usually girls try to find a guy that is like or better than there father. but sometimes that doesnt happen and they end up with a guy described in the story, a big time loser. he was her first love so she probably wont be giving up on him any time soon. but hopefully she does.

  10. Great story, thanks for sharing it!
    After being with my exboyfriend for five years, I also came to realize that you can’t change people and that they will always stay the way they are. I hope your daughter has that insight one day… And if she has, I hope that she will feel relieved, like I did.

  11. This was written by me… I thank Alexi for publishing it! Of course I read Alexi, she is amazing and wise beyond her years! Scott: “get a lawyer” sounds like a great plan, but the Children’s Services in my county is so over worked, they literally only care if the baby is clean and well fed. Talk about being screwed by da’ man! I laugh at being called “Gramps”, I am only 46… Same age as Johnny Depp, and three years younger than Clooney :)

    The balancing act in maintaining familial relationships is never “black and white”… my primal instinct IS to make this ass-clown vanish without a trace, but here in Realityland, I still want my daughter and my grandson. I have said this before and I will say it again… This is not the life I signed up for!

    Alexi is an amazing lady!

  12. This is by far the worst thing you’ve ever put on this site. Really.

  13. I can totally relate to this. I was in love with the wrong guy for too long, hoping I could make him see the light. Also love the diversity of your readership, haha.

  14. These kinds of losers are a dime a dozen. Your daughter isn’t giving this guy a reason to change. He’s just doing what feels natural, taking after his father. Why would he do anything different when there is always someone to give in and take care of his ass?
    Your daughter sounds like she’s got it together, working and going to school full-time while having a child. Imagine how happy and productive she could be with the burden of that guy off her back?
    I was with someone who was… not quite as bad… save for the drug problem. I stuck around for 2.5 years because I didn’t know better. Eventually, I got out of the situation and it was the greatest thing ever. I have been very happy and successful ever since (that was 5 years ago). He’s had a string of short-lived relationships with older women to stay afloat. And he is in the same rut as far as I can tell.
    Anyway, the point is that when a loser finds a working gimmick, they don’t have a reason to do anything differently. They will milk that cow until it shits blood. Walk away!!

  15. What a great story, albeit heartbreaking. You have a really good point and makes me think twice about these idiots that waste our time and suck the life out of us. THanks so much for sharing your story!!! Keep writing, it helps to have somewhere to vent and you’re good at it.. start a blog!! good luck with this terrible situation.

  16. what a picture of love you have? if you loved someone, you wouldnt want to change him.

  17. “OK, so where was I?” Utterances and evidence like that, the use of the word “mother-fucking,” and the widely accepted premise that farm boys don’t talk about their feelings on, could point to the fact that Alexi probably generated this rambler. Blogger? Maybe. Liar? Most def. Unless of course she has a much LOOSER definition of the word “love” than the rest of the civilized world? And I know it’s tough when you have A.D.D., but most Post-Hemmingway people commit at least eight years to getting skilled-up at a college before they start calling themselves “writers,” hun. Either way, since it’s pretty hard (AND HARSH) to fault a seventeen year old kid, it sounds like none of these parents know what the fuck’s going on.

  18. I’m sorry but young girls might not grow up thinking they can ‘fix’ a guy if they are taught so from a young age. You had a role in the parenting. Straight A’s are not a sign of teaching children about the real world. You can’t just throw out ‘girls you can’t fix boys’.

    We need to show our children how to deal with real people with real problems, and how to decide what relationships we have with them. Too much fairy tale in child-rearing or avoiding tough conversations, again and again.

  19. This could not have been posted at a better time in my life.

    holy. shit.

  20. i’m guessing kevin must be the loser from andrews’story.

  21. @unbokannt
    Yeah, perhaps you’re right but isn’t it normal in a relationship (even in a happy one) that after the first crush you start discovering little flaws on your loved one? And perhaps these flaws turn out to be bigger and you try to change the person? (This is kind of a bad-case scenario though :-) )

  22. The daughter would be better off without the guy, and she might know this, but is too afraid of Not Having a Boyfriend to get rid of him. I could be wrong. Try to convince her to meditate on why she needs him (it is obviously the other way around) or how being single could possibly make her life any harder. Maybe she thinks she is too old to date (she is not) or that guys won’t want her now that she has a child so she is settling.

    Perhaps a better plan would be for the father to encourage her to meet someone else. Don’t tell her outright to date other people but suggest social activities, like at her college (a realm the current boyfriend can not participate in), to get involved with and meet other guys – or girls who would provide an outside perspective on her situation allowing her to see it clearly.

  23. Thank you so much for writing this!!! Many girls need to realise it’s better to go it alone for a while and deal with your heartbreak than to stick with a douchebag!!

  24. I was in a situation similar, though without a kid. I put up with it for three years, and it took a lot for me to realize what seems so obvious as an outsider. I am very smart, but I fell for the trap. Most girls get into this situation because they want to feel that they are worth changing for. Until she realizes how truly amazing she is and how much she actually deserves, she won’t leave him.

    The guy who said to take the kid is right.
    Good luck, and God Bless you and your family.
    Stick in there, she will come to her senses eventually, but it might continue to be a hard and frustrating road.

  25. I think it’s great you let them live at your house again.
    I’m sure it’s a struggle, but if she won’t leave him you at least know that she and your grandson are safe.

  26. yeah i was with one of these idiots for 3 1/2 years, he never did as well in school as me, in fact he often discouraged me from trying new things and would often undermine my achievements by mocking them or acting like they were no big deal. It took me forever to realise he probably had the lowest self esteem of anyone i know, but he most certainly didnt give a damn about me above himself.
    If i could offer any extra insight i have to say that my ex had terrible parenting, he was the eldest son with three much younger sisters and was basically forgotten by his parents, he got away with everything, including being really rude to his mum who never said a word (if i didnt answer my mum back when she asked a question i would probably still get a smack and im 23 now!) about his behaviour. He was never questioned when he got into trouble at school, he never was questioned when he failed university. I really tried to be the person that regularly checked up on him and i think he started to resent me for it, he really thinks life’s achievements will be easy for him.
    Now on the flip side there’s me, because i put up with this idiot, why did i listen to him? well because of my parenting too. I was also forgotten by my parents but in a different way, my mum was crazy, she would forget to feed me, my dad has a personality disorder and thinks he has to trick me into spending time with him. I saw my ex’s house growing up as a refuge, a place i could go where my screaming banshee mum wouldnt bust down the door. And it’s taken me years of counseling to work out that sometimes when you are so used to being treated badly or forgotten about,you just expect that behaviour or dont think it’s wrong because your so used to that treatment.
    So i have to ask, does this guys daughter have some family complex? i think i still have one which im working on. where is this girl’s mother in all of this?

  27. I was your daughter…but I got out before I ended up with a child and a deadbeat attached to my hip. It did however take me four years to realize how wrong he was for me, and now everytime I talk to him, I laugh because Its soooo clear how bad he was for me…two months after our little break up I received a promotion at work ( H.R. Rep. & I’m 20 yrs old:) and my grades improved dramatically…YOu’re daughter will learn along the way, the hard way maybe but sooner or later. Like my mother stayed by my side and talked smack…don’t let her forget that she can do better…mine sure didn’t and I thank her so much for it.

  28. My family and I have a similar story. Though I wont get into it as much as this fine gentleman has, my story involves my sister who is 6 years my senior and her abusive fiancee who is also an un-employable drug user (not to mention felon) who she defends and stays with (and defies her family because of) because they “love each other”.

    I wish that women would realize that he doesn’t love you if he threatens you, abuses you, or takes away your freedoms, safety, friends and family as well as threatening you at your job (he has almost gotten her fired several times because he calls her at work around the clock yelling at her and calling her names one second, then calls back crying on the phone apologizing and saying that he loves her). Men who truely love you would NEVER do those things, in fact even men that just like you wouldn’t do those things either. This is not normal behavior!


  29. yes Kevin in blatantly ‘the boy’!

  30. Good post. It aggravates me to no end that gorgeous girls get with guys that are this crappy, all the time. Even if “the boy” was a badass to begin with and offered a sense of adventure or whatever, wouldn’t that facade die off after like a few months? Let alone a few years…

    These terrible guys must be overwhelmingly attractive or something, because I have plenty of great friends(adventurous, good looking, masculine, intelligent and assertive) and they don’t have gorgeous women falling head over heels for them.

  31. Three words for this guy, “EDIT EDIT EDIT”!

  32. Dear Father:

    As a man who never intends to have children, especially not a daughter, I cannot say I relate. However, I imagine were I in the situation you find yourself in I would spend once a week chilling to the M.A.S.H. theme song, and just have a couple of beers to loosen up.

    Ironically, to cite alcoholic’s anonymous some things you just have no control over and you have to give up to a higher power.

    One thing I would remind you though, not to be a dick or anything, but really it takes two to tango. If your daughter picked a loser and fathered said loser’s baby, well she too is culpable for being at least partially a loser herself.

  33. GIrls dont move on until they find someone better. Fact. You should try to work something out for her to go out and interact with stable adults/pupils/coworkers that are a bit more stable. In all senses. Chances are she probably never had witness to a healthy relationship( e.i. dad was missing like me) when she was growing up so she does’nt even know the difference. And consult a professional and made all of you can meet with a life coach or something. The hardest part is getting them in there. They will thank you for it even if they hate you now.
    All the best.

  34. Based on the letter it seems “The Boy” was raised in an perilous environment completely lacking any semblance of a role model. I’m not surprised he found the responsibilities of caring for a child too much to handle.

  35. I would say that this is Darwinism in action, but unfortunately no one died, and there’s a baby involved.

    That said, the baby is the only one I feel sory for. The Boy has made his own bed, he needs to lie in it. As for the Girl, I don’t buy the wonderful perfect princess bit. I am not going to waste my time on a nice guy rant, but I have no sympathy for any female who passes up a majority of decent guys to get with the absolute worst guy possible. Even if you were to argue that all guys are bad (which I know many on here will), this guy is clearly the worst of the worst. She couldn’t have found a bad guy who had a nice car and his own place, or a bad guy who was only making 60 K a year or something? She had to go to the absolute bottom of the barrel? Good for her: apparently they deserve each other.

  36. TLL:

    I’m in complete agreement with you here except for the Darwinism suggestion. I’m not a religious man or anything, but I have always felt the theory of Darwinism lacking when it comes to humans and this case is a perfect example.

    According to the father, this “boy” comes from apparently at least three generations of losers. That means this guys worthless genes have not only survived but have actually been sexually selected for at least three generations–Darwin posited the two prerequisites for heredity were the ability to survive and the ability to be sexually selected.

    Were this sub-Sahara Africa, the first retarded gazelle in this gene-pool would not have survived much less procreated. However, in this case not only did the inferior genes get passed on but other possible mates superior or at least adequate genes were overlooked.

    To me this suggests a clear case of how human insanity prevents appropriate survival and selection. Rarely has insanity been found in nature outside of human beings. The cases of insanity existing in nature have typically lead to extinction.

    What is the ultimate Darwinian conclusion here? America’s and Western Europe’s Economies are all in a slump. China, once far behind the Western world, is now the second largest economy. Within our lifetime it is very, very possible for China to become the Economic leader. What happens to the Western World? Possibly, possibly extinction. This is the only logical conclusion in a Darwinian framework. I’m not saying I agree with it.

    However, if you truly believe the theories of Darwin are impeccable it is the only logical conclusion. For me, this is enough for me to either get down on my knees and pray or at least learn Mandarin Chinese ASAP. And what I mean by learning Mandarin Chinese, I mean just certain phrases. Like, “Excuse me sir, here is a couple of hundred bucks. It’s yours if you look the other way while I make a dash for the southern border. Thanks.” and if that does not work then the next phrase will definitely come in handy, how do you say in Chinese “Don’e taze me bro!.”

  37. Good read, sadly an all too common story.

    The only part I don’t get is the Pump Up the Volume picture. I guess I need to watch that again. I don’t see how either of those characters match the story.

    And who didn’t want to be Hard Harry or Nora in that scene?! It’s teen kismet!

  38. Maybe you should have educated your underage daughter about sex and protection – she should have been on the pill or made him wear a condom – at the very least she should have had an abortion. But now that it’s come this far call CPS – call the cops and let them search the house for drugs – now that she’s over 18 let her suffer too – but don’t let the kid go down.

  39. You cannot expect a boy to change with hate. Although you let him stay at your house, paid his cellphone bill, and among other generous things, the way you treated him was unGodly. You cursed at him. You essentially bullied him. I’m not saying what he wasn’t a bad influence on your daughter, but if you showed compassionate with a geniune heart and really offered God’s undying love to him, I’m sure he would have been in a better position to grow up and take responsibility. You can’t fight hate with hate.

    I liked the overall message behind this story, but I think it’s unfair to inflict all the blame onto this poor boy, who’s already endured so much childhood pain. Really take a closer look at your daughter, and probably your parenting techniques. Nevertheless, I’m glad your daughter is in school and lives her life to the fullest.

    God bless

  40. moon: “You cursed at him. You essentially bullied him. […] but if you showed compassionate with a geniune heart and really offered God’s undying love to him, …”


  41. Wow. I’m blown away only because I can relate to it.

    I agree with the comments:

    1. Talk to a lawyer about custody of the grandchild.

    2. Get your daughter involved in groups to meet other people her age(so she can understand how untennible her life is). Granted, you will have to step up in the childcare dept.

    I have been in this situation twice. Once in my 20’s with a drug addict layabout and in my 30’s married to an alcoholic immature man. What have I learned? It’s OK to be alone. I don’t have to be in a relationship to be OK. I have learned I am comfortable being responsible for my time, my money and my enjoyment.

    I have so many female friends that are AFRAID of being solo, so they latch on to a dude who gives them attention (good or not. and ladies let’s make a distinction between good and bad attention….). So what do my friends do? They latch on to the first man that gives them attention.

    Thankfully, I had a grandmother that talked to me about contraception (my parents didn’t). And how in the 1940’s at the age of 17, she and my grandfather couldn’t afford to have a child, nor could they afford an abortion (which was illegal at that point. See Roe vs. Wade) , so she gave herself an abortion. Which she told me about at the age of 14.

    Needless to say, this conversation stuck with me throughout my life. I graduated high school. I went to college. I have a great career and yet I chose men that were not great for me. What changed? Honestly? It’s hard to be sexual with someone you constantly have to ‘mommy’. In that, not only can they not take care of you (i.e. have a job/contribute), you have to take care of them. I CANNOT even imagine what that is like with a child.

    Get your daughter on birth control, preferably on an IUD. Granted, they had a HORRIBLE reputation in the 1970’s (google that shit), but I have been on a IUD since 1984, after a horrific 3 rounds of the PILL. The pill will cause bloat, weight gain, crying jags, acne and migraines. I never had ANY of that on the IUD. AND I have never been pregnant.

    Your daughter will come to her senses eventually, but you have to be the adult in caring for the child….

  42. oh no, such a nice granddad.

  43. What a shitty story.

    These two are going to have a miserable life.

    I’m sorry your daughter has such a poor self esteem and I’m sorry you have some bumfuck taking up space in your house.
    Spare the grandson and get custody TODAY.

  44. I loved this story. I loved the writer’s tone and what he had to say. Thanks for posting Alexi.

    Andrew, I sure hope your daughter realizes that mistake of a boy. Best of luck with the situation and to you and your daughter and grandson.

  45. Yeah I think Alexi wrote this too. It hints at her own tone in some places. She probably needed a better story.

    Nonetheless, made up or real, people still relate and that is what is important.

  46. Well, who doesn’t want to be THE one that a guy changes for?

    I enjoyed reading this story from the father’s perspective.
    Thank you.

  47. ha ha you fucking proles

  48. So skippie attacked the kid, slammed him into a wall, and then decided to call the police.

    That’s kinda odd behavior right there. Not saying it doesn’t happen, just saying I wouldn’t believe him if I heard it.

    Then the kid “lied” to the cops! Indeed. About what? Skippies assault on him? That the kid told him “no” “IN HIS OWN HOUSE!111!” and that like totally justified the assault. Really, I’m a little hard pressed to see what illegal action the kid would have to lie about.

    Refusal to return property loaned is a civil matter. He didn’t steal it. He was given it and refused to give it back. Civil matter. Maybe he lied about that. Maybe the cops let the father walk away from a straight up assault charge cause they liked him better than they liked the kid.

    Assuming I actually believed what skippie said.

    And yeah, plenty of guys have changed when they have kids. Maybe the absolutely horrible economy and the fact that both their families are disfunctional psychos has something to do with the couples problems.

    But skippie doesn’t seem like the kind of man who views the truth as an actual defense. He is to proud and strong for that.

    Maybe the kid is just a bad guy…. after all, women date people like their fathers, and I think father is a violent nutcase that nurses every singe grievance ever committed against him by those he perceives he can bully, while bullying those people all the time.

    eating then disappearing until all hours

    Yeah, skippie was starting on authoritarian punk and dialing it up from there. The boy was going to account for and justify every action he made. And be insulted constantly while doing so. Why oh why would a child who had grown up in an extremely abusive home react badly to such reasonable behavior?

    And then the boy was SO MEAN TO THIS STRONG TOUGH MAN! He didn’t let him see his grandson on the grandson’s first birthday! That’s SO MEAN! WAAAAAAA!

    Poor wittle baby, did the bad man hurt your feelings?

  49. Guess I’m one of those “three boys who were reformed”. I was a bad kid, did manage to graduate high school but didn’t do much
    more than drink and smoke in college – while living at home. My job paid for my habits. Meet my wife in college and when finally forced to choose between my habits and her, I chose the latter. It (my reform) did happen in phases, but I did graduate college, became gainfully employed, stopped “partying”, became highly successful, had a child, bought a house, had another child and so on.

    In some ways, I am grateful that my maturing process was so dynamic as those diverse experiences have really helped to make me a well-rounded person and, more importantly, parent.

  50. It sounds like a terrible situation all around. The grandfather really is going to have to pick his boundaries and live by them. Even if the father deserves a lot of crap, getting angry doesn’t help anyone. Help the daughter and grandson as much as you feel comfortable doing, but accept that some aspects of this are out of your hands.

    Look, I’m not saying the father is a good guy, he sounds like total trash if we’re getting even part of the whole story here. However, he is the father and he’s at least in his son’s life to some extent. Maybe the father had a crappy, crappy role model growing up. Doesn’t excuse what he’s become, but here’s an idea. Maybe the grandfather can be a better role model for both the boy and the grandson, even from afar.

  51. Any update from this guy? I would love to hear about the daughter and grandson!

  52. 6 foot 220 lbs.. arent we all on the internet? and what a “man” writing about some kid his daughter is dating to some womens blog on the internet. and the KID is the loser?

  53. I am just starting on this road to hell with my 15 year old daughter that has fallen for 18 year old,drug user, smoker drinker from a broken home on a council estate. He has a string of girls that all accept the situation. Friday will see me at a sexual health clinic, testing for a std. My wife cries herself to sleep each night.

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