BLOG » What Men Think (words to live by):
Hey Alexi.
Love the blog. It’s good to read something honest.
Here’s some thoughts you may want to share online with your lady
readers who might want to know what guys think… or not. This is
what I have told my girl(platonic) friends sometimes. Less so when
I’m seeing someone. Go figure.
1. We don’t care about you diet / eating disorder / food neuroses.
It’s not interesting. It’s not quirky. It’s boring. You want to
lose weight? Do it discretely. Please don’t do it loudly at dinner.
And don’t order things and complain about how fat they’ll make you.
That just makes you look dumb and feckless. Oh, and it’s boring.
REALLY BORING. A neuroses is no substitute for a personality.
2. Yep, your ex was an asshole. We kind of want to know why, but
there’s a point where you’re just dumping daddy-rage on him. It’s
that point where you’re a total victim and he’s a total asshole.
When it gets there, it gets weird. Take some responsibility for the
relationship not working out. You’re allowed to be angry, but you
were half of the problem. (No really, you were. Go figure that shit
out.)
3. Ditto for us – if everything was our ex-s fault, we’re full of
it too. Just so you know.
4. Don’t be a victim in life. Not sure where girls learn this, but
be proactive.
5. Don’t give up on giving head or hand jobs cos your neck/hands
are tired. You’d think we’re assholes if we did the same. You
totally would. Good sex is convincing someone you’re into something
cos it’s getting them off even when your hand is aching. (this
works for boys too, I guess, but I’m never there for that / have
too much professional pride so I can’t compare)
6. That thing about obsessing over your weight / appearance again.
Let’s go back to that. Total turn off. Either be confident or fake
confidence. Sure, later, when we’re living together you can relax a
little but to be honest, if you’re obsessing like that, then you’ve
got a problem you need to work on. And we’re not shrinks. (well,
unless…). Imagine if we did it – “do I look fat?” “ugh! I’ve
gotten so fat!” “I shouldn’t eat this!” ALL THE TIME. Right?
Horrid. You’d dump us super fast. Don’t endlessly fish for
compliments. Any guy who wants to hang out with a needy woman has
issues of his own. You’ll get co-dependent of whatever, and who
wants to do that shit? Not saying you have to be superwoman, but
neediness is not cool in general, for anyone. And be afraid if
you’ve got a guy who feeds off of it – that’s a red flag there.
Dump any guy who wants to keep you weak. IMMEDIATELY.
7. The only thing that will come out of you telling us you want to
get surgery is that we’ll possibly notice what you’re trying to
change. Don’t use this conversation as a way to fish. Keep that
shit to yourself. Or your gay/girlfriends /sisters/besties. Or
until we’ve moved in or something. But don’t expect us to be
enthusiastic about it. It’s your obsession goddamit. We already
like you as you are by this point. Why are you getting all vain all
of a sudden? It’s like we moved in and now you’ve gone nuts. Jeez.
What happened to you!!? THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR
NOSE/BOOBS/LIPS. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. (That’s what we’ll feel,
and you’ll get pissed because we don’t understand. And we don’t,
not really. But it’s your hang-up, not ours. Own it. Don’t make us
responsible to try to shift the focus away from the fact that
you’re already beautiful but have a hang up which is nothing to do
with us).
8. If we’re trying to get you to have surgery. Dump us.
Immediately. Same if we’re trying to make you look like someone
else in ANY way. Press delete.
9. Ditto for guys who neg you all the time. Dump them right now.
Don’t read any more. Do it. Get up and send that text. Done it?
Good. Single again? Great. You deserve to be treated right. Wanna
go get coffee later and hang out? Great. I’d be completely into
hanging out with you. You’re amazing.
10. Cut us some slack with nasty jokes. It’s in our DNA, we’re
raised to be a little harsher. We make more inappropriate comments
in boy world. And if we cross the line, we can get clipped, but
boys are nastier. And you like that, sometimes. But do pay
attention to how we talk about women / our moms. Close attention.
We can give the game away right there.
11. Around the first date it’s all on us: Don’t call us (unless
you’re returning a call). Don’t go text fishing. You have to kind
of let us know you’re open to our advances (being super aloof just
looks like the same as “fuck off” to us), but MAKE US DO THE WORK.
Either you’re worth it or we’re not. We don’t always like this but
we appreciate it. After a couple of dates you can relax. This isn’t
just playing games; it’s called courtship. We call/text when we’re
interested–or not, if we’re not. Once we’re seeing each other then
we can both relax about this shit a little, right? That part is
called trust.
12. Don’t accept a first date via text. Sure, you can
communicate/flirt by text before hand – even find out schedules
etc, but we should be calling you for a first date. It’s good
manners. The invite should be a phone call. If we can’t get it
together at that stage you think it’s ever going to improve?
13. Rarely give us the benefit of the doubt. Like once or twice.
After that, you’re letting shit slide and soon you’ll be making
excuses for us. Call us out on our shit. You don’t have to go
nuclear, but if you don’t tell us what pisses you off and it
festers we can’t fix it, and you’ll get mad we’re not psychic and
then it’s game over. But once you’ve dealt with it, let it go. We
can’t turn apologizing for being late that time into a lifetime’s
work. No, really. Let it go. You’re still bringing THAT up? It was
ages ago. Really? Really….???
14. We should pay on the first (few) dates. But to be fair, you
should order like you’re paying. We want you to have a good time,
but while you’re sizing us up we’re doing the same to you. Class
has got nothing to do with money. How much we like you/you’re worth
is not connected to the value of the free food/booze/whatever.
Acting like it is is cheap. It’s not really about the money, here,
is it? If it’s cheap of us to split the check (And it is) it’s
cheap of you to take advantage. That’s no way to start an affair,
is it? (and don’t pretend you don’t ever do this. We know you
have). It’s a good rule for life – don’t sit down to any meal
you’re not prepared to pay for. That way, there’s no weird tension
except sexual frisson.
15. Don’t be passive in bed. Please. Thank you. No one wants a dead
fuck. it takes two…
16. Yeah, you’re right. If we’ve been to a prostitute or like strip
clubs too much, then it’s saying quite a lot about us and how we
view women and sex. Once is potentially an experiment – but more
than that…? (Really. How can you suspend your disbelief and
ignore that the women are only doing it for the money. How needy
would that make us?)
17. Nothing’s more attractive than a woman with a plan, a goal,
some drive. Passive girls are as boring as passive boys.
18. Girls can be curvy. Girls can have small boobs and be slim. The
sexiest girls are the ones who don’t give a fuck what we think
about how they look. WE REALLY LIKE THAT. If we don’t, then we’ve
got issues.
19. You can never fix us. If we’re douches, we’re staying that way.
You are not going to be the one. Save yourself some heartache. Not
going to happen. And the bigger the douche, the better we are at
manipulating people because we need to manipulate people cos we’re
a douche.
20. Ignore all the shit that we say and watch what we DO.
21. However you feel about us in your gut is right. And I mean
‘feel in your gut’, not ‘wish in your head’. Act accordingly. See?
It’s working out for the best already, isn’t it?
Of course, all of the above might be why I’m single, but, still….
Happy New Year Alexi.
xo
Wow. This is probably one of the best things you’ve posted on your blog. I wholeheartedly agree with every single point. Chicks need to be confident, able to communicate and able to trust themselves. That sums it up. My favorite is 21 because it’s so fuggin true. Your gut is ALWAYS right – it’s watching out for you!
Also this guy seems like he would love me *hint hint* [please be cute!]
this list may be more practical for single girls dating or looking for men, but for girls already in a relationship like me, it’s easier said than done once you’ve seen past the warning signs, ignored your gut instincts, and fell in love with someone you’ve never imagined falling in love with. as cliche as this may sound–it’s life, and we can never really know what we’re going to get into. most girls i know think with their heart, not mind. however, i do believe girls really need to read this anyway. it will save us a lot of time/energy to realize there’s actually a lot of truth to this.
This post is great for single women! I wish I could of read this back when I was dating.
I love your blog Alexi! I can’t wait for more in 2011.
Happy New Year!!!!
So happy to see you’re updating more frequently. Seriously, I’m happy. Reading this makes me want to get myself out there more. Dude trolling ’11, here I come. It had to be said. Thanks, Alexi! xx
I loved this post. Thanks.
This simultaneously confirmed all of my theories/beliefs on approaching dating and men, as well as assured me that I am probably/already fucked anyway.
Ah l’amour!
This post was perfect.
thanks alexi (and reader-author person!) – this is awesome.
This is great.
xo
amazing post haha and i sure needed this thanks to the author and alexi for posting
have a great new years xoxo
This is amazing
i think i need to print this, frame it, and put it on my door.
Have a Happy New Year!
Love this! and love your blog!
absolutely perfect! whoever this guy is makes dr. phil (who i hate anyway)look like a rank amatuer. Honestly, as a guy. i confess, we kinda suck. having said that, most of us really want the same thing you (women) do. love, trust, a connection beyond the physical shit. or, am i just a hopeless romantic? anyways, just my foolish thoughts. luvs you alexi xoxo
GREAT post! So funny and so true. I’ve already forwarded to friends.
http://fyeahprivilegedenyingdude.tumblr.com/
if i were a guy, i’d be long gay.
i can’t handle girls, 99% of them are just … no.
i totally loved this!
This was FANTASTIC!! Please make him a regular thing!!!
You might want to add that you shouldn’t even passively suggest/accuse your new and unfamiliar male acquaintance of being a rapy serial killer/terrorist/stalker because you’re overly nervous and don’t know him. ESPECIALLY if he has a shit-ton more education and did a lot more with his life than you’ve done with your own so far which means he’s complicated, and you don’t understand him. That’s your way of undermining his accomplishments. Not everyone is out to get you. And as a general principle. you’ll worry less about what other people think about you once you realize how little they do. But this writer is correct, girls who just don’t give shit, and move forward with what they want without looking back are the sexiest girls.
Very salient points to ponder-both ways.
Happy New Year,
Love and respect,
Penguin
ok, seriously. everything he wrote completely resonated with me – well said, and so well written! loved all of it.
This post is on point. If more girls knew and understood these things, the world would be a better place. Just sayin
this guy for president!
Heck yes.
For some reason, I am so turned on right now. I am not sure if it’s because I have been working REALLY hard to emulate some of these points lately, or because I love reading/hearing boys articulate their thoughts on eating disorders/neediness/first dates/etc etc…… basically THEIR perspective on random shit…….
I dunno. I feel better and way more well equipped to deal with the daily onslaught of hotties that comes with living in Vancouver. Being a relatively fresh faced and green twenty year old, annnd newly single, this post may have saved me from some major unnecessary mishaps. Thank you!
This guy is brilliant!
Thank you and Alexi for sharing this,
it was entertaining/true/harsh/important and again TRUE.
Very Good advice that cannot be stressed enough!
Brilliant!
I think this just changed my life.
this post is so true.
i actually cringed when i read it because now i realize why i am single…i am guilty of doing everything listed NOT to do.
time for some serious changes!
Holy Shit who wrote this, i couldn’t agree more with everything they wrote, for reals where are all the men who think like this? Stop hiding! this was great & brutally honest, I’ve told my girlfriends many of these before, It’s great that FINALLY a guy wrote this down, not just me someone who thinks more like a guy, SO AMAZED! thanks for sharing this!
Alexi,
This post is your best ever, this guy needs to work with you on a regular basis. I believe everyone has come to a general consensus here, we NEED his opinion/views/input/perspective on girls too, most definitely. PLEASE collaborate, it would be such fun for us readers (as well as constructive)!
xxx.
What a breath of fresh air. I wish guys would start being honest.
Alexi, i really admire you for putting yourself out here like this. All the best to you.
so give guys slack for being raised to be disgusting and dump us for voicing our weight issues that we have been raised to feel. got it.
yeah, i don’t really get the praise for this post, but whatever i guess…
Soooo good. So so so so good and so right.
“What Frat Boys Think,” is more accurate. And a lot of that was REALLY specific to one mindset, just so you girls know.
“I don’t care” and “Shut up about that” are weird themes to follow when you write a female blogger (I know Alexi’s more than that, I know I know) hoping she’ll post your e-mail.
I have to add one thing, though: most guys care A LOT LESS (A LOT, I repeat) about small breasts than you seem to think. We all still forget our name when we see big ones, but small breasts in no way keep you from being really cute
best article
does this guy have a blog?
Wow.. my first reaction was that this guy is an idiot. I seem to be the only one feeling this way. I got the same thing as Stephanie out of it. Number 11. is the most stupid, conservative, old-fashioned rule ever, and also quite belittling of women, something the author seem very keen on avoiding when it comes to wanting plastic surgery and diets – since it’s not very attractive.
The existence of this blog, and this post – by a man -, is the epitome of what this society works like.
But by the next date i’ll make sure to suck my dates dick even if my neck gets tired, not pay for my food, and simply let my date be a man; let him call me, and just let him be a bit inapropriate, harsh and nasty, since it’s in his DNA.
It’s an outline. Something to consider. One man’s opinions and findings. We’re all built differently. You’re going to have to be true to yourself and just test the waters to see if a new someone is right for you. It’s not like some [general dating] checklist is going to be the certain end-all answer. I did enjoy reading this post. I appreciate some of the reminders.
Julie I totally agree with you! I was totally disgusted reading this…and then I was shocked at all the positive comments! My boyfriend read this and thought it was bullshit too.
Julie I totally agree with you! I was totally disgusted reading this…and then I was shocked at all the positive comments! My boyfriend read this and thought it was bullshit too.
ALSO Ladies -have more respect for yourselves!
I pretty much think it’s tongue in cheek. Hence me finding it ridiculously funny, however I also don’t think that it’s putting women down.
I’m pretty sure if my boyfriend announced his weight issues each time he sat down at a table, or became a clingy mess, i’d be hacked off also.
Lighten up with the issues, women!
This guy is a genius. He should write a book for girls to read and learn, and then relationships would be a bit easier for both of us. Thank you for posting this Alexi!
Haha brilliance, loved this.
A Boyslife vibe going on…
I LOVE THIS. of course, I’ve learned all this already, but glad this is being broadcasted. It’s not necessarily just a guy’s opinion, it’s more about people-reading in general. Everybody is different, but you can learn these basics by watching others, reflecting on your own thoughts/actions, and talking to a bunch of other people about this stuff.
tell all your friends ladies!
I LOVED this. i wish this guy would give a sermon or something
How can I get a date with this man?
xo lisa
this was great. thaaank you!
OMG! One of the most insightful things I’ve read in a looong time. Love this post! If only all guys were this upfront….
The eating disorder line was just ridiculous. An e.d is not a fad or diet. It’s a mental disease that KILLS, and it should be treated as such. You wouldn’t say to someone, “Stop being depressed, it’s not quirky.” So think before you speak next time on a subject that’s totally out of your league.
I didn’t care for the language, but I agree completely with all of this. Especially the part about “While you’re sizing us up, we’re sizing you up.”
You get what you give.
If something in here is offensive, I have to ask: How is your dating life working out for you?
Amen! And thank you for this amazing post. I want to meet the guy who wrote this! haha
i would very much like to go to dinner with this man. serious.
i dunno why no one pointed this out yet , but this was clearly written by alexi posing as some dude. its totally her writing style just with the word “shit” thrown in more.