BLOG » FOR DUDES ONLY- How to for SURE blow it with a GREAT girl (part 2):
1. be a racist.
2. keep all reading material in the bathroom!
3. keep KY by the bed. Especially when you’re first inviting her into your room. But if you REALLY wanna take it to the NEXT LEVAL, a rolled up dollar bill on a cd NEXT TO THE KY will only make her introduction to your room all the MORE interesting!
4. tell her you never EVER wanna get married.
5. start fights for NO reason with perfect strangers.
6. be rude to waiters.
7. be extremely jealous.
8. hit her. OR just THREATEN to hit her.
9. make sure there are cum stains on your sheets from your previous sexy time rendezvous for her to see.
10. forget her name when introducing her to people you run into.
11. tell her she could stand to lose a few pounds.
12. belittle her dreams.
13. Allude to having date raped a girl.
14. get mad easily.
15. always be defensive. girls FUCKING LOVE THAT!
16. tell her your religion is the only way to live life! And any other way is ridiculous/ridonculous!
17. do something gross in front of her…. ALWAYS!
18. wear ringer tees with slogans like ‘muff diver’ or ‘pussy patrol’ on them.
19. tell her you love her a week after meeting her.
20. cry whenever possible as a tool to express yourself.
21. don’t tip/tip badly.
lucky model bitch haha i looove joseph gordon levitt
anyway this was ridics funny
i hope none of my future boyfriends read this.
wait, is this sarcasm?
I hope all of my future boyfriends read this. They should know what’s up
#16 and #18
Oh boy..
I never want to get married. But, I am pretty upfront about it, since it’s rooted in my belief system.
LOL. i’m so glad the guys i’ve dated that fit into a few of these are EXes.
i agree: the guys on this list ARE TERRIBLE. i dont know why you dated so many of them
Of course some of these things you should NEVER do, but some of it…Seriously, why would we keep reading material in the same room with a tv? And besides, what do you care if we keep all the reading material in the bathroom anyway? Its either sports mags or…well you get the idea. I didn’t invite you over to read, we can go to the library/bookstore/cafe for that. And I will totally be rude to a waiter if he is hitting on my date or throwing the CB on me. Also, while I would never tell a girl she needs to drop a few lbs, but at what point in the relationship is it ok to tell her to eat a cheeseburger and gain a few? Not all of us enjoy banging bicycle frames. Lastly, how long before we can be gross in front of you? A lot of that aversion to grossness is a facade you ladies put on. Tell the truth girls…seriously who amongst you does not think the “pull my finger joke” is not hysterical? Its a classic! Lastly, I don’t care what you say. My “Free Mustache Rides” shirt is a chick magnet. Love the blog. More, more, more!
scott
how long before we can be gross in front of you? A lot of that aversion to grossness is a facade you ladies put on. Tell the truth girls…seriously who amongst you does not think the “pull my finger joke” is not hysterical?
i agree: a model friend once remarked to me, she could NEVER love a man she couldnt break wind in front of, then laugh about it with the mirthful glee of her childhood.
now how about “how to for sure win it with that great girl”?
don’t worry david! i will write and HAVE ALREADY written that! xoxo
danne: did you seriously ask me if this was sarcasm?
hahahaha!
#13 – Allude, not elude.
whoops! thanks Meg!
I did none of these and still my sorry butt got dumped. But then, I’ve noticed that the girls I’m attracted to usually end up with the “bad boy” type. Must be a character flaw in me that I seek out the girls who want a nice guy on a temporary basis between jerks…
Well personally I like KY and cocaine paraphernalia, and would expect nothing less from my man.
But a friend of mine recently came home to a new bf’s place for the first time to find that white powder residue EVERYWHERE: coffee table, bathroom sink, nightstand. Needless to say that relationship didn’t last…
hmph, these are kind of obvious and not clever at all but- ok!
love this blog anyways.
22.tell her you are going to ‘rape’ her later..as forplay.
23.repetitively tell her how hot her sister is.
Thankfully none of these apply to me!
It’s cool if the shirt says “Pussy Control”, right?
It’s cool if the shirt says “Pussy Control”, right?
Pussy Control is pretty alright.
how to BLOW it hahahahaha. and yeah FUCK RACISM
There’s a REASON why the demographic is strictly fifty-year-old intellectually disabled on men on the verge of eliminated their own map because they’ve only had two g/f’s throughout their entire lives. To capture the witty teenage set, you must be witty. They don’t like retarded…
Flunked every single, solitary one of these rules (save rule 13 and 21-you MUST tip and tip well).
I’d be like: “Hey babe, KY’s under the Hitler poster; you know what to do…” That was a BIG sinker. Since then, I’ve been keeping the KY in my old toybox (long story)
It’s true, I’m totally racist- I fucking HATE Belgians!!! With their waffels and their tulips and weed (I kinda like the weed part). Oh, and why do they wear North Face gear in August?
As for the religion stuff, females would totally get sick of me trying to explain the joys of worshipping Zoroaster. I’d be like: “Mazda isn’t a car, it’s a god…sheesh!”
Wow big list…maybe U should start dating robots.
ugh, did 7, 8, 15, and 20 to some capacity, all last night at a party. hope i didn’t blow it because she has the prettiest eyez.
This list is way better than the first.
O’Neill, you’re confusing belgians with dutch people – tulips and weed is dutch whereas waffles and chocolat is associated with belgians. sorry to break the news.
I’m only here to get Mia’s sister’s contact info.
m.i.a. there’s an example of an entertainment-style woman i’d be into. or q’orianka kilcher. i wonder what they’d think of all this? if i had my way, people like that would have more influence hwood. needless to say mention why…
This is an amazing list. Another you should consider: Order for her on every date no matter what she says. Her opinion doesn’t matter.
A guy did that to me recently and I left him with the quickness.
I agree with most! Great post! I had a string of crazies that told me they were falling in love with me after 2 weeks…too much!
#6 should be expanded.
If a dude (or a girl) is rude to anyone without being provoked, then that’s a very bad sign.
If they’re rude while being legitimately upset about something unrelated to the waiter (or whoever), that might be understandable… but it probably bears watching.
You shouldn’t expect people you meet to be perfect, but you shouldn’t second-date (or marry !) someone who acts like an asshole… because that impression is never due to their thespian skills.
Hey you know what, #21 is real, that goes for everybody. My best friend is one of the cheapest men I know, predictably he does not have a girlfriend. Lots of other things wrong with the man, but that one stands out the most, I think. Being careful and being tight are two different things.
kinda looks like robby robertson. hot
How bout leaving a used condom the bed that stuck to the chicks back? I did that and she still sucked and fucked.
Ive had chicks do most of these things to me. All chicks are defensive. Most are fat pigs that need to lose weight. They can pay AND leave the tip. Fuck waiters, they exist to serve the customer. Not all chicks want to get married. If her dreams are stupid she’ll get told so. Note to pussywhipped men, if a chick has a problem with you, dump her and move on! She’s the one that has to not blow it with ME!
This is very entertaining, but I need to know, just for my own faith in humanity, what the ratio of embellishment to fact is. I dearly hope it’s something like 60/40.
tom, kindness is not weakness. consideration is not being cowed. You act as you want the world to be, not as the world has been to you.
tom, please be kidding