BLOG » FOR DUDES ONLY- how to FOR SURE blow it with a great girl: (PART 4)
(continued from HERE…….)
1. show up half an hour early for your first date. then give her shit for not being ready to go.
2. wear flip flops on your first date while taking her to dinner at a fancy restaurant.
3. always be covered in cat hair.
4. love your dog more than you will ever love her. be uber vocal about this too!
5. keep using the word ‘networking’. People LOVE that!
6. shake her hand as limply as possible.
7. have really sweaty hands all the time.
8. tell her what to wear for dates.
9. only ever say waz-uuup (not ironically) instead of saying hello.
10. tell her that you usually only date girls in their late teens, but for HER you’ll make an exception!
11. Don’t have a car and have no aspirations to get one.
12. Ask her to give you rides all the time.
13. Don’t know how to swim.
14. Pee in public on the first date/the majority of the time you know her- which won’t be long.
15. Be a belligerent drunk.
16. Don’t have goals.
17. Let your parents support you while your days fly by and all you do is go on facebook/twitter/and talk a lot of shit.
18. Play video games like crazy.
19. Keep your video games in the bedroom and skip sex every night to play one more game or ten.
20. Complain about how your hair is thinning.
21. Tell her you don’t eat carbs.
22. Don’t let her touch your tummy and if she DOES- say ‘no. I’m fat. Stop.’ Even though you’re rail thin.
23. Tell her you don’t own a TV. AND be VERY self righteous about it!
24. Keep a bong in your car.
25. Yell at homeless people whenever you see them. refer to them as beggars. and when they ask you for money, either spit on them or yell ‘what do you want, my DEBIT card? Jesus!’
26. Eat lots of McDonald’s and drink lots of soda!
click HERE for part 1
click HERE for part 2
Why do I feel like a lot of this is just Alexi writing about a lot of bad dates she’s been on? Either way, it’s hilarious that real people would actually do some of these things hahaha
yeah this is complete bullshit…..you just date losers…
no real human does these
some people may think this is cool or whatever but I really hate when I guy talks about how he has “NEVER even TASTED alcohol”.
Makes me feel like a terrible person and makes me uncomfortable, like you’re judging me! Rude!
10. tell her that you usually only date girls in their late teens, but for HER you’ll make an exception!
I love this. Only because this means he’s talking about me, of course. But I’ve never met an older guy who wanted to date a younger girl, I’m pretty sure it’s all about the Cougers now, Alexi.
10. tell her that you usually only date girls in their late teens, but for HER you’ll make an exception!
I love this. Only because this means he’s talking about me, of course. But I’ve never met an older guy who wanted to date a younger girl, I’m pretty sure it’s all about the Cougers now, Alexi.
Be covered in cat hair? you are hilarious.
What about wear a big t shirt on your first date that says “Tickle this Elmo”, with a giant arrow pointing down?
Could that be added to your list?
ahh, shit! Now you tell me?
How to for sure blow it with a great guy:
Obsess over every little thing he does wrong, and then tell everyone you know about it. Just sayin’.
tried to call in last wednesday night to up date my sordid life and get some sound advice,fuckin’ phone kept hanging up on me, oh well doesn’t really matter what’s done is done and gotta forget the past and look towards the future.Then again those who forget the past are condemed to repeat it.Beware of two timing blow job giving bitches,i’ll try again next week,till then keep your powder dry.
The side cleavage is pure un- adulterated genious you cant write this stuff why the hell arent you on some kind of reality show? If a midget and his family can get a show on tlc why cant you!if that cunt sara palin can get a show why cant you sweetness? this is an outrage i demand satisfaction or more York peppermint paddy commercials.seriously can we get a pettion going? This is america goddamnit not fucking Eygpt so what if we’re all un employed at least we can be happy with the comedic stylings of the great alexi wasser,funnier than sara silverman,sexier than chelsea handler and her midget. p.s. funny show on the green network is the fabulous beekman boys,very pro gay relationship show.funny positive and uplifting,just like alexi.
Damn! I’ve done ALL of these!
Seriously, I love the comment about Alexi getting a Reality TV show! I will vote twice in favor of THAT idea! (Or, as proposed, more York Peppermint Patty Promo’s) I say Jon Stewart should have her on as a regular..you know she’d KILL!
yeah, I’m a big fan of the side-boob sketch, too. Funny stuff!
Which city in America do you think has the most losers per square mile?
Who keeps their bong in their car?
That’s a recipe for like eight disasters.
bryanna_leigh: Public urination is an epidemic.
An epeedemic, if I may.
What the hell is wrong with you? My original guess was, “Supremely bitter, mildly retarded,” but now I just don’t know anymore.
Tough crowd tonight. Eek.
Alexi this shit is getting boring. You’re being lazy with it. I know you’re super busy and all but you can tell this one’s really rushed. And overdrawn. Part 4? Does there need to be a part 4 for this topic?
Take a few more minutes to write something better. This is your only job other than being a york mint patty commercial girl. Come on.
Hey linds, fuck off and stop being so critical. try and produce something on your own, because if you are sick of other people’s crap, stop consuming it. get out of your house, turn off your computer and tv, turn off your cell phone, and do SOMETHING, anything and attempt to realize how difficult it is to actually produce something that other people care about.
GET REAL BIATCH
i saw that sean lennon and his model girlfriend (ooooooh, model girlfriend! model girlfriend!) at the awards ceremony at the venice biennale in 2009 and he was such a twat. his mother was being honored but he and his girlfriend kept standing up and doing these big hollywood smooches for the paparazzi, trying to hog all the attention like anybody gives a rat’s ass about him. yoko was embarrassed.
ALEXI HAS A SHOW ON SHOWTIME COMING SOON!
http://backstage.blogs.com/espresso/2010/10/showtime-going-boycrazy.html
mcafee has detected serious malware risks on your site! wtf.
this sucks, alexi.
miss the way you used to write.
but you’re probably way busy now, i understand.
^^ yeah… just bein honest
alexi just ultimately want to be liked….you guys are not helping in this case…
sure her posts lately have been types of suck..but that doesnt mean you shouldnt tell her she rocks…even if she …sucks…
just love her..like her….follow her…ummm..i gotta go eat
no goals = worst ever
Ummm @bryanna “sure they suck but that doesnt mean you shouldnt tell her she rocks”
Oh really? Cause I thought that’s what people should do when they’re honest. Stop sucking up. I’m not being mean I’m just saying, this one isn’t that good. Jesus christ have an opinion, you’re entitled to it!
Wear ugly shoes.. Just pick up a GQ and get to work on what you SHould be wearing on your feet…
saw a guy urinate into his own mouth, the Tosh show on comedy central.W.T.F. alexi can run circles around this kind of shit,i hope if she gets a show (it) wont get watered down into some writer’s idea of what he or she thinks is funny.frank from fucked up Utah,i moved into a new apartment with this vietnamese chick and she’s into wierd porn,well i’ll stop right there…i must discuss this with her majesty of York peppermint paddies, Alexi Wasser on her blog talk radio show,tune in bitches! hey if that progressive insurance bitch “Flo” can be on tv every fucking minuet of the day why oh why cant we have more Alexi Wasser fuck flo i want Alexi mother fuckers,have a nice day.;)
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how to blow it with a guy?? dont blow him on 2nd date.Vietnamese girl sucky sucky long time…one problem her breath stank a little bit so i bought some York peppermint paddies. thanxxx alexi!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck Flo…hooray for alexi!!!
Funny how you ALL don’t post your blog links when you’re talking shit.
Alexi, you’re awesome, fuck the rest.
we should be bestfriends
by pissing in public do you mean in a public restroom or out and about?
Hehehehe #13 cracked me up!
Sunday ,i went to the park and fed the pidgeons;to my cat.;) No seriously we need to get this woman Alexi on more commercials any kind of commercials even those “Depends” commercials hey we need to get her big babby blue eyes out there front and center even those “976″ commercials that come on late at night for horny fat guys. If cassandra peterson can have a two hour show, “Elvira mistress of the dark”why cant Alexi Wasser have her day in the sun? Progressive insurance you fucked up by hiring lesser talent,big blue eyes and dark hair aren’t everything,Alexi has talent by god and big blue eyes and dark hair. Frank from UTAH(fuck Utah,tee hee)
VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!DAMN YOU VILE WOMAN! FLO,YOU SUCK.
“10. tell her that you usually only date girls in their late teens, but for HER you’ll make an exception!”
Has anyone actually ever had this happen to them? Reminds me of an 80s dating video I saw once haha.
if i’m going to be demanded to have a car, i better be able to have a bong in it
PIck her up at the airport and honk really loud and not even open the door while you have to put a huge suitcase on your lap for 20 minutes.
even though they know you eat organic, the FIRST place they make you go to is hooters for wednesday wings and beers.** first time to hooters**
go to work and then do his laundry but leave a shrunken sparkly Jack Daniels tank top in the hamper.
the lists were pretty on point but this one has a few i think should be crossed off.
1. I cant swim. where i grew up no one i knew could afford a pool, i grew up poor as fuck, hows that bad? i grew up in a struggle an i know how to work for what i want…fuck havin a pool. also everytime i told a chick i didnt know how to swim 10 times outta 10 they sayd “aww ima teach you” an that leeds to jus kickin it ina hottub, not knowin how to swim has always been a PLUS
2. i dont have a car, i got rid of it cause i dont need this shit cause i travel too much, you dont need a car in Manhattan when im here anyways.
3.Dont have a TV and the thing about eating like a 12 year old…who needs it when you got netflix on the laptop, and you got no idea how many babes jus wanna kick it on my bed with a bill murray movie on netflix eatin reese’s peices or pizza…chicken nuggets, hott women love that shit, every time they come over they jus wanna relax put there hair down, watch a movie on the laptop an eat like a 12year old wit me, its called bein real
yall can take all them off these lists