BOYCRAZY TREND REPORT 2011: SUMMER BOOBS!

TONIGHT: ‘BOYCRAZY RADIO’ – CALL IN! (don’t be fooled by the name, NOT just 4 girls) xx

CALL ME TONIGHT

WEDNESDAY JULY 27, 2011

DURING BOYCRAZY RADIO

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR CALL TOLL FREE:

1(877) 569-3588

PS: if you’re in another country,

you can call me using gmail or skype!

PPS: if you can’t call during the show,

leave me a message on my NEW toll free

‘boycrazy voice-mailbox’ 1(888)666-2045

We’ll bro out, role play,

& discuss ALL your love, sex, dating,

and life dilemmas!

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

your body tells a story:

everything about you tells a story. your smell, your clothes, how you move, the hickey on your neck, the bruises on your thighs, the scrapes & scabs on your knees, how you put yourself together, what you sound like; your inflections/cadence/tone/pitch. your facial expressions, handwriting, the words/thoughts/ideas you choose to express. the shape of your body tells a story too. Do you binge eat to squash hurt? Are you anorexic or bulimic to control something in your life, because something else/something bigger/more major in your life is out of your control? Do you want to lose five to ten pounds to reach whatever you’ve decided your arbitrary goal weight is, but you can’t, you won’t, you subconsciously refuse to do it/won’t let yourself, cuz the weight is your padding/a symbolic crutch? It makes you feel safe and stands in your way from ever reaching any idea you had of what perfection might be, cuz you think you wouldn’t be able to handle it when you got there or maintain it if you did, or that maybe you’d still be unhappy if you got there? just something i was thinking about. i love you.

we should ALL live our lives like this guy:

 

 

dear alexi,

i’ll tell you a story that happened to a friend of mine, and by ‘friend’, i mean me:

i’m walking to a meeting in a city far from here or there and i see a pretty girl sitting in a barred first floor window. she asks me for a cigarette or rolling paper, neither of which i have, but somehow i’m struck by her and so i say ‘i don’t have a cigarette, but may i kiss you? i’ve never kissed anyone through the bars of a window’. she laughs, looks a bit confused, and says, ‘ok’, so we kiss. i say ‘i have a meeting, but can be back at this window at 11:30, will you meet me here?’ to which she replies ‘yes’. i go to the meeting, and leave at exactly 11:15 to be back at the window. she is sitting, waiting. we kiss again, through the bars. we exchange first names only, but no information, and i leave.

the end.

the blind leading the blind (part 65):

 

1. when referring to Whole Foods, please don’t say ‘whole paycheck’. It’s embarrassing and says WAY more about you than it does about Whole Foods.

2. start referring to ex boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s as ‘someone I used to know’. it’s uuber dramatic and super chic!

3. ladies: is it ‘peach fuzz’ or a moustache/beard? conclusions have to be made so action can be taken.

4. Every time I buy a new article of clothing, I think ‘this is gonna change my life!’ But as little as a week later, I’m in another changing room, feeling that way about some new article of clothing- while the poor week old piece lays rumpled in a ball on the floor/in the corner. don’t think i feel good about this, but it’s the truth. yes, clearly, these are first world/white girl problems, etc. all i’m saying is: before you stand in- or in front of- your closet (depending on how wealthy you or your parents are), rolling your eyes, frustrated and whining about how you ‘don’t have ANYTHING to wear!’ don’t forget about how excited you once were about the clothes in your closet that you’re totally bored with and don’t even acknowledge now!

5. there’s no getting around this one, a tattoo on your face screams ‘i’ve given up.’

6. you never know who’s important to who, so mind your own business before you run your mouth off and ruin someones game by saying ‘oh, so and so dates a lot of people. don’t think you’re special or anything.’ even if the person in question is a player (ugh, that word is sooo mid 90’s! we HAVE to come up with a new one. and while we wait, we can continue to use this one with an ironic lilt to it when it comes out of our mouth. or you can own it like my mom does when she says anything. real people don’t feel embarrassed saying stuff, which makes them so much cooler than the pseudo cool people, like me.)  anyway, back to what i was saying: even if the person is a player, you never know who the player actually has feelings for. and sometimes, even if a person is dating more than one person, all those people are important to the player. so mind your own fucking business and stop your unnecessary need to feel compelled to warn people about other people. unless they have herpes (or some other std) or are a murderer, keep your mouth shut and stay the fuck out of it.

7. always remember that no matter how nice the person you’re telling a secret to is acting, if they’re friends with the person you’re talking shit about, their allegiance is to the person they’ve known longer and are closer with. smiles don’t mean a thing, and facial expressions and words aren’t always in line with what a person is thinking. so watch your mouth. unless you want the gossip and shit talking to get back to the person you’re talking about.

8. when bringing your cell phone into the sprint/verizon/at&t/whatever store, always remember: as you’re walking out with your phone all fixed and taken care of, that YES, of course they looked at all the naked/scandalous pix in your phone. Why wouldn’t they? It was the FIRST thing they looked at! i mean, jesus fucking christ, what would you look at first if some hot young dude/girl brought their phone in! so, duh! Erase that shizz!

9. I know pedestrians have the right of way, but cars are bigger and scarier. So get the fuck out of my way bonehead! unless i’m walking that day, in which case, how dare YOU?!

10. For some reason, I don’t know why, your skin always looks better after you walk out of a movie theatre. Just trust me on this.

xoxo

PS:

• if the idea doesn’t TOTALLY repulse you, follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045 ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat.

i love you.

TONIGHT: ‘BOYCRAZY RADIO’ – CALL IN!

 

CALL ME TONIGHT

WEDNESDAY JULY 20, 2011

DURING BOYCRAZY RADIO

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR CALL TOLL FREE:

1(877) 569-3588

PS: if you’re in another country,

you can call me using gmail or skype!

PPS: if you can’t call during the show,

leave me a message on my NEW toll free

‘boycrazy voice-mailbox’ 1(888)666-2045

We’ll bro out, role play,

& discuss ALL your love, sex, dating,

and life dilemmas!

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

dude of the day: MATTHEW SCHNIPPER (on success)

dude of the day: matthew schnipper!

tonight ‘BOYCRAZY RADIO’ with special guest… MIKE BLOCH from ‘HERE WE GO MAGIC’

TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY JULY 13, 2011

BOYCRAZY RADIO

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR CALL TOLL FREE:

1(877) 569-3588

PS: if you’re in another country,

you can call in using gmail or skype!

PPS: if you can’t call during the show,

leave me a message on my NEW toll free

‘boycrazy voice-mailbox’ 1(888)666-2045

We’ll bro out, role play,

& discuss ALL your love, sex, dating,

and life dilemmas!

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

some things i think about:

 

 

1. Sometimes when I hang out with other girls, I feel so happy and free and understood and cozy-: I think I can eat whatever I want with them and not gain weight! Maybe it’s because I’m eating out of nervousness, but I really don’t think so. I eat because I feel like we’re in a safety cocoon/ alternate universe/ bubble of trust… where no one will gain weight. sometimes I’ll even decide I’m as skinny as the girls I’m with and that my metabolism works as fast as theirs. or maybe I just eat cuz I’m hungry.

2. Why don’t Triple-A road side assistance guys just rob/steal cars for a living instead? They’re so good at breaking into cars!

3. For some reason, whenever I hug someone in public, I always imagine the hamburglar popping up out of nowhere and stealing something out of my tote. He’s wearing the hat and mask and everything. This has been going on for years. It’s real enough for me to actually stop hugging and look over my shoulder.

4. If I were a child molester; I would open a camp, dance class, toy store, run an ice cream truck/daycare, or be a teacher! yikes, be careful who you drop your kids off with! people lurk where there’s something to gain. gross.

5. Sometimes I feel like dating/being a single woman is more like a game of avoiding an army of dicks from entering me.

6. Sometimes I have a problem; I’m more concerned with casting a spell on a guy and collecting his love before I decide if I even like him.

7. Why is it that Lil Wayne can sing a song saying ‘I wish I could fuck every girl in the world’, but it’s still not socially accepted for woman to think that way about men?

8. Why is it that the guy you want to text you doesn’t, but the dude you don’t give a shit about won’t stop? BUT, if the guy you actually liked texted you as much as the guy you don’t like, wouldn’t you think he was a pussy and be turned off? Probably, right?

9. I hate when people say really obvious things to me about me: ‘wow, you’re holding a lot of stuff.’ ‘wow, that’s a lot of food.’ ‘that’s a red dress.’ it’s always insulting and passive aggressive. just get away from me!

10. The worst is when you’re at the movies and you think you’re all set and not surrounded by anyone annoying… and then the stragglers roll in! Fuck!

11. What am i looking for? what do i ultimately want? I want my future husband (and by husband, I probably just mean ‘uuber serious relationship or father of my child’) to know BETTER than me! i want him to make me feel safe. i want him to be my best friend. i want him to ‘get’ me. to get ‘it’. i want him to be handsome, tall, sexy, funny, smart, great in bed, a gentleman, loyal, and successful. i want to be fascinated by him. i want to respect him and believe in what he does. and vice versa.

12. Today I saw such a sexy interesting guy. He either looked borderline homeless OR on the verge of being a rich famous genius. And even though I saw him muttering to himself, to me it just made him more interesting.

13. Most of the numbers in my phone are people I’d be happier not to see. They aren’t friends so much as people I don’t have relationships with anymore and am avoiding.

14. Sometimes I want to subscribe to ‘O’ magazine, but then I get so overwhelmed about already having missed so many tips and words of wisdom from O’s previous issues- that I get all kerjumbled and decide against it. Does Oprah ever recycle her info/advice/guides to life/helpful tips/or stories? She must! I hope so! I’m here and ready to absorb all of it. All I’m guilty of is not wanting to miss a beat. I love you Oprah.

15. I’m searching for answers to questions I don’t know I’m asking.

16. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too good at/comfortable with/and happy being single, and that I won’t know how to make room for someone else in my life… if/when i find them… or when he finds me?

xoxo

follow me on twitter if you don’t mind/aren’t grossed out by the suggestion @imboycrazy

i love you

 



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