BLOG » online etiquette 101:
1. ALWAYS be sure to add a ‘hahaha’ or a smiley face or a winky face emoticon to cushion the blow of what could come across as a cold, mean, or potentially rude email. Epic friendships have been ruined for less.
2. girls: enough with the facebook pix of you using your hair to make a faux mustache! We get it! you’re quirky! But this horse has been beaten to death so hard, ad agencies mention this as a specific detail shot for campaigns they’re story boarding right alongside quotes like ‘make it look cobra-snakey candid’. Let’s come up with something new! How about…
3. when you can, write ‘happy birthday’ on ALL your fb friends walls that are having birthdays that day! it really goes a long way! And if they’re NOT on fb, write happy birthday on their vaginal walls.
4. when you request someone you don’t know on facebook and you run into them, (if they bring it up) casually say ‘yeah, fb kept suggesting we be friends. so i finally added you.’ you can even add ‘and i always do what my computer tells me to do.’ ALWAYS BLAME THE FACEBOOK SUGGESTIONS CORNER!
5. to avoid appearing like the stalker that you are, if you paint yourself in a corner and reveal knowing too much about someone and they say ‘oh, you saw that? you were looking at my fb page?’ Just say ‘no, I saw it in my feed.’ ALWAYS BLAME YOUR FACEBOOK FEED!
6. no dog default pix please. this automatically alerts people to the fact that you are an ugly monster…. and that you have a dog.
7. get rid of ANY/ALL bad photos IMMEDIATELY!
8. get rid of any guilt you might have about de-tagging yourself in bad photos! don’t you dare feel guilty about de-tagging yourself! the person who tagged you should feel guilty… and be written out of your life… forever. they knew what they were doing.
9. you’re sooo much more mysterious when you’re NOT tweeting or updating your status! something to think about. i really have to follow my own lead on this one.
10. when it comes to flirting on fb, girls tend to ‘like’ stuff, while boys ‘poke’. mix it up. be pan-sexually active on fb. ps: don’t you think ‘pokes should be time stamped? i do.
11. never say the initial ‘i love you’ via text, twitter, facebook, skype, or email. some things will always be best said in person.
12. i’ve said it before, never ever send naked pix of yourself. head cut off or not!
13. in addition to the above: never naked video chat/skype. ever heard of ‘screen grabs’? be smart about living your life!
14. you put your private telephone number on your facebook page? really? i don’t advocate this one bit. hmm, except i DO love prank calls… um, what was your number again?
15. never request someones friendship immediately after they ask you on a date. you have no idea how it’s gonna go, then if it doesn’t work out after a date or two… there you are, just lingering awkward cyber friends forced to see each other’s feed. no thank you.