BLOG » reader submission: ‘body image’
I decided that my old patterns of self destruction were not getting me anywhere in life and certainly not disappearing anytime soon. If I really wanted to change my behaviors and perspective on life, I was going to have to really put thought into how and why I damage myself repeatedly. In the back of my mind, I am well aware that our skin and body are merely functionable parts that transport our minds and souls around the world and allow us to enjoy physical experience in addition to mental. But the world around us puts such a greater weight on appearance and magnifies every flaw until the day we die.
So many of us end up wasting our lives worrying about how we can improve our “health,” while we are actually obsessing about unimportant aspects of routine that in many cases lead us to unhealthier lives. Health is a term that defines mental as well as physical well being, and more of us than not forget about the well being of our mind state.
When I decided to put myself under careful observance and become my own doctor, I realized that my subconscious is merely testing my willpower to sustain sanity and follow through with life despite minor superficial flaws. In times of stress or worry about who and what I will be, it’s much easier to blame my body than my mind. I then become so frustrated and convince myself that once again, I am a failure for mastering the art of making mistakes, that I feel completely trapped and caged in what I deem a terrible place.
This hell I call my body is so sadly despised. I should be celebrating all my healthy function able parts that work like a charm. Especially at this age; before real problems and possibly life threatening situations arise. Then I know I will surely feel like an idiot for ever thinking such grotesque thoughts of my temple; the beautiful being that allows me to do so much. My habits are what disgust me. It’s not my imperfect skin or unwanted curves. If I have a vision of what I can become, than it must be perfectly viable and able to be put into practice. And I don’t want to wait until I am flawless and have a clean slate.
I want to live tomorrow with a new set of eyes and a fresh perspective on the use of my body and the importance of self respect. I don’t need to over analyze every move I make, or every bodily desire that I try to push away. Even though they are unnecessary and self created, they are their to prove that there is more to life and experiences than the outer being of oneself. While I am certainly good at talk and rational thinking on a good night’s rest, I definitely need work on the putting thoughts into action aspect. It’s way to easy to daydream than to live. But this is the perfect opportunity to test your hunger to live and experience moments; when you are vulnerable to insecurities and must put you best self forward even if you don’t feel it is presented with your best face.
It may be one of the hardest things a woman can do these days. But when you realize that the people who really care about you won’t notice or give a second thought to that pimple on your cheek, you trust that maybe you don’t need to waste your energy and hide yourself until you feel ‘normal’ enough to reassert yourself into the throws of life. Because you are normal and normal is imperfect. Let it go and move on. You know you will probably feel low about your appearance and think you are not at your optimal self again despite your efforts to be different.
Just remember the next time you are worried that you are not good enough or you could have taken better care of your body that these are fixable habits that take time to change. Be kind to yourself and optimization comes naturally. Your body is yours and yours only. You can either use it as a tool for destruction or a method of celebration for all the amazing things it allows you to see, smell, taste, hear, and touch.
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