BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 68):
1. play spin the bottle. always. Mouth herpes will ward off genital herpes.
2. just because a guy is gay, doesn’t mean he’s a sexual deviant! I’m so tired of hetero dudes or people in general being like ‘he’s gay? He’s not gonna try to rape me, is he?’ you wish!
3. eliminate the word ‘hate’ from your vocabulary.
4. i hate you.
5. if your stomach/tum tum has a tendency to be a little crazy or sensitive, pop a couple activated charcoal tablets before and after you eat. Available at whole foods. you’re welcs.
6. stop getting mad and saying ‘fuck, that bitch/asshole! he/she led me on!’ There’s no such thing! yes, we could delve deeper into a super munipulitave ‘leading on’ scenario… but for the most part, you’re just bitter the person doesn’t wanna see you anymore. but it’s ok! enjoy the time you spent together. hopefully you both learned about what works and doesn’t work for you! We’re all just trying people on for size! and sometimes it doesn’t work out! fuck, most of the time it doesn’t work out! relax!
7. don’t mess with a girl who is uncomfortable with her body or weight. and ps: chances are, she doesn’t want to sexxx either. and pps: she might get mad at you too… for things that aren’t your fault. in closing: moody, weight fluctuating, and/or hormonal girls who don’t feel good in their skin, aren’t to be trifled with. i should know.
8. pineapple juice is the best juice in the whole entire world! plus it makes your privates taste good! Don’t fight me on this. You’ll lose every time! oh WHAT did you just say, apple juice is? Fuck you man! Fuck you!
9. how great is watermelon?! I know! not the juice, just the straight up fruit!
10. always smell every bit of clothing you are about to put on, including/especially your bra and panties. you never know if you might smell like mildew or weirdness for whatever reason. yeah, laugh now, but it wont be so funny when you’re with the girl/boy of your dreams in a super intimate situation and you realize THEN that you smell way crazy! you’re welcome!
PS: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ELLE MAGAZINE AND THE COVETEUR FOR THE AMAZING FEATURE! I LOVE YOU GUYS!
PPS: FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @IMBOYCRAZY
Yes, don’t mess with a girl who is uncomfortable with her body or weight, because she sucks! God forbid a woman in her twenties has body issues! I guess that means she shouldn’t be loved or touched by ANYONE, EVER. And she must hate sex! Jesus Christ.
Irrelevant, but…what the hell do you type into a search engine to get such awesome photos? Seriously, they’re something I look forward to every time there’s a new post.
I really wish there was such thing as strawberry juice…wait, is there!? I guess pineapple will do.
By the way Alexi, I love the minimalism of your layout/theme, no matter how much someone offer you to feature their “kewl” HTML on you blog, say no!
RE: “8. pineapple juice is the best juice in the whole entire world! plus it makes your privates taste good!”
For us older folks, it’s prune juice, as it makes our privates taste like something we know plus if I lick enough of it off my wife I’ll have a bowel movement, too.
I completely agree with smelling clothes before wearing them! It would be so unfortunate to go out looking super cute but then when a nice boy comes up to say Hi! he is so turned off by your funky smell. That is one of my biggest paranoias!
I saw the column..please stop using Listerine, rabbits died with their eyes burned so your mouth can smell pretty :-/
If your place always look so artsily decorated, I wanna come visit now LOL
@Sally, she’s saying that someone with those issues is really hard to be in a relationship with. If you meet someone with these issues, and you think you can “fix” them, then by all means, have at it. Understand though, that all relationships are hard, and relationships with someone internally unhappy are even harder. Until you can be happy with yourself, you can’t really be happy with someone else. @Coco, animal testing sucks, true, but it’s better for humans to be safe and healthy. Most of the medicine you take was tested on animals to make sure it’s safe for us. 100 years ago the cures killed as many as the diseases they were trying to cure. Chat with a Thalidomide person with flippers for arms how they feel about testing. Even things like Listerine, if they were able to keep a human from going blind, then it was worth it. Sucks to be a rabbit, I know, but it kinda sucks to be a rabbit anyway, doesn’t it? Foraging for food and trying to not get eaten or run over, or, life in a cage. Laboratory or a kid’s room, a cage is a cage.
actually, i didn’t even mean anything that deep at all. i just meant, when a girl doesn’t feel good in her body, don’t mess with her. and i was talking about me. it means, it’s a big deal when girls aren’t comfortable in their skin. it affects them deeply. that’s all. it is what it is. i wasn’t saying ‘fuck them!’ or ‘you must learn to accept them!’ not at all. just an observation… about myself, masked (and now unmasked) in a blanket statement. which is ultimately what ‘the blind leading the blind’ is. xo
I don’t need to smell every bit of clothing I put on because I do my fucking laundry.
P.S. Alexi, in your opinion what’s the best mascara evaaah?
@Everything I know about sex I learned from KISS – Do mine too?
Bring it by, Winter.
I have a washer, dryer, and borrowed Netflix.
Bring beers. We’ll make an afternoon of it.
I don’t remember how I’m supposed to capitalize my name anymore.
i totally agree with 3 and 10, and the pineapple juice one. there is no time for stinky bitches. loves you
@ #6 it’s “manipulative.”
Thank you for your tips!
Great piece of advice on 7 (it happens with boys too, though), 8 (and orange juice makes your vaginal fluids taste awful!) and ten – cleanliness is half nobility.