BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 70):
1. if a dude happens to notice baby wipes or sweet spots in your purse and calls you out, referring to them as ‘pussy wipes’… he’s a total loser. He should just be happy you’re that considerate! And women, you should always be that considerate.
2. if a dude doesn’t let you touch your clit while you’re fucking, if he has a problem with it, he’s a creep. trust me on this!
3. if your pants just fall off of you, out of nowhere… congratulations. you’ve reached your goal weight.
4. if you’re about to touch yourself (i.e ‘masturbate’ - fuck I hate that word. it’s so clinical and not sexy. It’s not even uuber clinical. It’s somewhere in between clinical and unsexy. What a weird place to live) and you’re listening to music on your computer, turn your laptop away from you. cuz even though you won’t believe me, I’m pretty sure the government/powers that be can see everything you’re doing in front of your computer. Don’t let masturbating be one of those things. OR let it be the ONLY thing.
5. chances are, if the color looks good on your nails, it’ll good on your lips.
6. stop picking at that rogue bump on your arm! Cut it out! No one can see it! You’re ONLY gonna make it worse!
7. if you are ever faced with the choice of running over a squirrel or turning into oncoming traffic… Always run over the squirrel.
8. people want someone at least as good as they are. So when you’re all complain-y and schlubby and unhappy, wondering why the beautiful, smart, successful girl/or the sexy, successful dude with wash-board abs doesn’t want to date or even fuck you – don’t get MAD at him! Take a fucking look in the mirror and up your mother-fucking game!
9. when in doubt of who a person might be, or if you two have ever met, just say what I say: ‘hi, you look familiar. have we ever made out?’
10. long distance relationships don’t work.
i’m sorry. that was way harsh. i should have said:
long distance relationships aren’t real.
PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy
PPS: leave me a message on boycrazy voicemail 888 666-2045 tell me a secret, ask me a question, say something neat.
I LOVE YOU
in your about me, you say that you have done you job if you’ve made (the reader) laugh. I have not really laughed yet.. just kind threw up in my mouth a bit.
fuck yeah! to number #2
SHLUBBY! PFAHAHAHAHAHA!! ANOTHER GREAT BLTB!
As somebody learning to drive, I’d just like to point out that the concept of driving over a plastic bag is TERRIFYING!
my long distance relationship is the realest relationship i know of. you’d be surprised, alexi! xo
hey just want to let you know it makes my day when you post a new blind leading the blind!! I can’t believe this was number 70, crazy. you should make a book with all of them
ALSO wanna let you know that I’m still loving your sound advice playlist. IT’S INCREDIBLE
lastly, can you update us about that whole tv show thing featuring you?! is that still happening?
have a lovely day!
another the blind leading the blind here.
anyway, id rather say long distance relationship are not for anyone.
for the rest i love you alexi, a lot.
*another the blind leading the blind lover here
Number 10. Thaaaaank you.
4. Yes! the thought creeps me out so I always turn it away.
8. I needed that.
I fucking love TBLTB lists!!
wow @ #4, glad i’m not the only one worried about this!!
7. i’ll probably die in a car accident trying to avoid squirrels
great post <3
If a long-distance relationship doesn’t work, I firmly believe that in 9 cases out of 10, it wouldn’t have worked very long in reality either. Especially with the internet, because, DUDE, people used to carry on long-distance relationship by letter or carrier pigeon or whatever, we can DEFINITELY have it when you can video-chat with each other for hours a day. Seriously. So if one doesn’t work out don’t go sowing seeds of doubt and telling everyone it doesn’t work. That’s as silly as saying “in-person relationships don’t work” if an in-person one fails! Totally up to the people.
@Is a Boy? “Threw up in your mouth a bit?”
The only thing vomit-inducing here is the dated, hackneyed expression you just employed while trolling a superior writer’s blog.
@MATT
CO-SIGNNNNNN!
@ Acton Bell
If you have a long distance relationship on the internet, you’re lacking the physical component required to maintain and strengthen the bond between two people. I’m not talking about sex, either. Feelings can’t grow and flourish into love via skype. Sure, you can still be head over heals in lust with the thought of this person, but without that physical component, your relationship will never amount to anything remotely resembling true love or a real relationship.
I was in a long distance relationship for a year! We’ve been together for 3 years now.
SOME do work. SOME are real. Fuck what you guys say! I miss that phone sex..
I love number 8. I believe that you don´t have to be the best but your best. that is the only way you´ll attract positive beautiful people inside and out.
Oh my god, no. 4! I always have to stick something over the webcam bit of my laptop when I have self-sexy times.
But then you’re pussy tastes like wipes…not pussy.
People who don’t believe in long-distance relationships tend be neurotic and/or insecure. Physicality is all-too-often an opiate for couples who’ve forgotten how to actually communicate.
thanks for the shout out – do you take ads on your site – great blog