BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 70):
1. if a dude happens to notice baby wipes or sweet spots in your purse and calls you out, referring to them as ‘pussy wipes’… he’s a total loser. He should just be happy you’re that considerate! And women, you should always be that considerate.
2. if a dude doesn’t let you touch your clit while you’re fucking, if he has a problem with it, he’s a creep. trust me on this!
3. if your pants just fall off of you, out of nowhere… congratulations. you’ve reached your goal weight.
4. if you’re about to touch yourself (i.e ‘masturbate’ - fuck I hate that word. it’s so clinical and not sexy. It’s not even uuber clinical. It’s somewhere in between clinical and unsexy. What a weird place to live) and you’re listening to music on your computer, turn your laptop away from you. cuz even though you won’t believe me, I’m pretty sure the government/powers that be can see everything you’re doing in front of your computer. Don’t let masturbating be one of those things. OR let it be the ONLY thing.
5. chances are, if the color looks good on your nails, it’ll good on your lips.
6. stop picking at that rogue bump on your arm! Cut it out! No one can see it! You’re ONLY gonna make it worse!
7. if you are ever faced with the choice of running over a squirrel or turning into oncoming traffic… Always run over the squirrel.
8. people want someone at least as good as they are. So when you’re all complain-y and schlubby and unhappy, wondering why the beautiful, smart, successful girl/or the sexy, successful dude with wash-board abs doesn’t want to date or even fuck you – don’t get MAD at him! Take a fucking look in the mirror and up your mother-fucking game!
9. when in doubt of who a person might be, or if you two have ever met, just say what I say: ‘hi, you look familiar. have we ever made out?’
10. long distance relationships don’t work.
i’m sorry. that was way harsh. i should have said:
long distance relationships aren’t real.
PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy
PPS: leave me a message on boycrazy voicemail 888 666-2045 tell me a secret, ask me a question, say something neat.
I LOVE YOU