BLOG » reader submission: Why You Should Stop Liking Me
You are honestly such a source of inspiration for me. Your words have guided me through relationships and lust and crushes and learning to love myself and I really don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t discovered your little blog in 2009 and spent all of Thanksgiving Day reading back and back until the first entry. Now it’s 2011 and it’s never disappointed me. I wanted to send you this essay I wrote:
Why You Should Stop Liking Me
You have got to stop liking me. I’m just a left-handed only child and I have absolutely nothing to offer you.
I really hate intimacy because of this huge scar on my arm. It’s totally ruined sex for me and touching and petting and all that. Therapy isn’t helping so it could be years before I feel comfortable with my body. I mean, unless Rory Culkin comes along.
I’ve heard you make fun of my interests without knowing they are my interests and that’s just not okay with me. You know what? I LOVE Florence Welch. LOVE HER. I’ve seen her twice in concert, and one of those times I was a l o n e. I love her that much. I would give anything to look like her, to sing like her, and to have the ability to write and convey feelings like her. When you made those hateful remarks about my IDOL it was like you were making those hateful remarks about me. I don’t make fun of your tastes (to your face.)
I’m kind of crazy and you don’t deserve someone like that. I have an avoidant personality (look it up) and I’ve even been hospitalized for some #dark shit. The last thing I want to put you through is dealing with my Girl, Interrupted moments.
My friends are really judgmental and I don’t think they could ever meet you. I can only imagine the snide remarks they would make behind my back about you and value their opinions far too much (plus I most likely will agree with whatever they say) to pursue anything with you.
I may fit your ‘alternative’ image (I don’t dare say ‘hipster’-or wait, maybe I should because then you would get mad and start to hate me) but I’m from Connecticut and you can’t forget that. I love wearing black and looking homeless but what about my natural, obligated love for J. Crew and Ralph Lauren? I can’t let my candy stripe oxford shirts sit in my closet forever. A pseudo-bohemian like yourself would never be caught dead with me on a Connecticut Day. Trust me.
I just really hate aggressive people, and you were really aggressive with me. I need to be in control of every situation, which means I always need to like you more than you like me. When people start liking me too much, I start loathing them. As an only child it doesn’t take a lot for me to begin hating the human race. You have siblings so you would never understand.
I’m far too naive for your superior intellect. Who would have ever thought that hanging out with a boy meant there were romantic feelings involved? Aren’t people just friends anymore? I didn’t come over because I wanted you, I came over to watch that movie and drink my gin. Maybe I’m just a stupid girl who may as well go walk into a stranger’s van.
I’m a huge passive bitch. Look at me right now writing this all down instead of telling you straight to your face? Could you ever imagine I would ever think anything like this? I’m not nice, I’m just really fake and I like playing games with men. I have a really bad relationship with my father so I blame that. So sorry about being nice to you because apparently in your world that means I love you and that’s just sad.
Oh right, also I’m in love with your best friend so you’re really ruining everything right now.
Believe me, I have never EVER been in a situation where I have had to let someone down before, and I’ve NEVER thought it was possible to feel so above somebody/begin to dislike every thing about them because they’ve revealed feelings for me. I have such terrible confidence issues, but this piece is meant to be satirical and funny. It’s actually sad that I would stand in the shower and think of all of these reasons why he shouldn’t like me when the only one that really matters is the last one.
Thank you so much for all you do!
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