BLOG » reader submission: a high school girl and her teacher
Dear Alexi,
After reading your blog for years now, I knew that you would be the woman with the most insight and solid advice I could possibly get my hands on for my situation. After over a year of joking about fucking my incredibly hot history teacher, fantasy seems as if it may be turning into reality. This 23 year old man is pretty much the man of my sexual fantasies: tousled brown hair, bearded, dresses ridiculously well (Frequently in plaid, vintage sweaters, straight legged pants, peacoat, layers his clothes, all his colors are coordinated), listens to great music, reads great books, watches great films and tv, frequents small business coffee shops, cultured, passionate about social inequalities, etc etc etc. Everyone else in my school pretty much dismissed him as being gay because a man that attractive could not possibly dress that well, but I was pretty stubborn in saying that the way a man dresses does not determine whether or not he likes taking cock up his ass.
I decided over the summer going into my senior year that I was going to seduce my teacher. First, I added him on Facebook (despite that being against school policy) and he accepted. He liked a few of my statuses and pictures then, but it was not really much to write home about, but still intriguing. Then once the school year started, he requested me to be his TA, I dropped one of my elective classes just so I could do it and have a class with him and talk to him on a daily basis. About a month into the year he told me that he was leaving at the end of this year to go to grad school, that he knew that this was not what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. After breaking up with my boyfriend, I told him how all guys my age that I date are always too clingy, calling me their ‘dream girl’ and how I am perfect and how that is not what I want and I hate it and it is too fucking much for me to handle. I pretty much let him know that all the guys my age are too immature for me. One night, I decided to talk to him over Facebook, and we talked for a couple of hours and when he left he said, “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you, do you want to continue this conversation at [insert name of coffee shop] tomorrow?” and of course I accepted and told him what time I’d be arriving there.
So the following day we have coffee together, I am sure to make a lot of eye contact, smile and giggle a lot, and occasionally bite my lip as he is speaking. I ask him, “So, since you are leaving at the end of the year, have you sort of stopped caring?” and he replies, “Well, kind of, yes. I mean, I don’t really care if I make a mistake anymore, or if I get in trouble with administration because if they try to fire me, it is like, ‘No, I’m resigning’.” This of course makes my ears perk up. What was that? You don’t care if you get in trouble with administration? So much trouble that you could get fired? Well then. And so I ask, “So is it ever hard to teach people who are so close in age to you?” and he tells me, “Yeah, because some of them are so mature and adult-like, I have trouble treating them like students rather than peers.” Oh, is this some sort of a hint as to what he wants? Or am reading too much into this? I feel as if I am putting it out there as to what I want and desire, so that he knows he is not over stepping any boundaries. After three hours of talking, we part ways.
The next week at school I try to act normal, so as not to seem too interested or eager. I want him, but I don’t want look desperate. In class we were talking about social inequalities and I was sure to tell him about how I was very enraged by gender inequalities, sexual double standards, and slut shaming (which are all true, not just a ploy to show him I am openly sexual and own my sexuality and feel all women should). He seems very impressed by my passion and we discuss the issue for a while. I tell him about how I want to go home, open all of the windows in my room, listen to Bon Iver on vinyl, and lay in bed and just listen. I tell him how I love laying in bed and just listening to records but how no one my age ever wants to do something like that, how they all get bored or they’ll talk all the way through it. He tells me how it is rare to find someone who will just lay and listen to music, and how he wants to listen to Bon Iver on vinyl sometime. This weekend, he went home to visit his family and his status on facebook was, “Bon Iver and Frank Sinatra are the ideal travel companions.” Coincidence? Or was it my influence?
I fear most about reading into everything as him being interested in me and want to make this a hot and sexy forbidden relationship. Do you think he is just being friendly or is there something more here? Also, he knows I am 18 and that legally, everything is in the clear.
What do you think I should do as far as actions go? I don’t want to be too much more forward if he is not into it and make everything terribly awkward, uncomfortable, and weird. But I feel like he is giving me signs that he is interested. Alexi, boycrazy goddess, give me your insight and tell it like it is.
xoxo, Anonymous
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I’m a guy and I don’t want to ruin your dreams, but this dude is bad news.
“He tells me how it is rare to find someone who will just lay and listen to music, and how he wants to listen to Bon Iver on vinyl sometime.”
This is NOT rare, especially if your teacher is as much of a hipster as you describe him to be. There’s a good chance the folks he surrounds himself are people who do just this! He is saying this to make you feel special.
“I don’t really care if I make a mistake anymore, or if I get in trouble with administration because if they try to fire me, it is like, ‘No, I’m resigning’”
This is a bad attitude to have. Will he have the same attitude when he decides he’s through with you? Probably.
To be clear, you are not the one seducing him. It’s the other way around and you are falling for it completely. If you decide to move forward, I can say with complete certainty that you are going to get hurt.
Do IT! He sounds like a bit of a douchebag and you’re too blinded with his hotness and your hornyness to see that but the truth is WHO GIVES A FUCK. Yeah he seems the one seducing you or at least mind fucking you, but then again you will only feel used if you look at it that way. So dont look at it thay way, stop his mindfuck and FUCK him sensless. You’re only a senior once!
Just use protection!!!
once key piece that’s missing to this puzzle is that we don’t know the age of this girl. she could be in the seven grade. so it sounds like this guy will probably just resigning himself to inside prison. since the blogger is having a hard time bloggging her own material, and this just looks like another fake story, why don’t we just start posting our own stories below? make it interesting, say something in the penthouse forum letters format?
Elvina b, did you not even read the post – she says she’s 18. Also if you actually read the blog you would understand that participation is half of what it’s about. Don’t be so cynical
Hahhah go for it! Just don’t get too emotionally attached since he’s going off to grad school.
sorry, the multiple font thing made difficult to see the forest from the trees. “eighteen…” right… sure…
“I tell him about how I want to go home, open all of the windows in my room, listen to Bon Iver on vinyl, and lay in bed and just listen.”
Hah!
Probably SIXTEEN is legal actually. So this guy’s WELL within his rights here. That’s why high schools typically hire 23 year old hipsters to teach at their institutions so they can hire eighteen year old Facebook friends to be “TA’s” and then poke poke on the side once they formally decide to abuse their position of power.
If this is real, he is a doucher. What kind of loser that age still hits on HS girls? I call BS on this because every guy in the profession knows that this is one of the big 3 things that you NEVER do. No violence, no drugs, and no sex when it comes to the students no matter the age/grade level. Even if he is leaving the profession, anyone this stupid. Some states (mine) have laws preventing teachers from banging studetns regardless of age. That shit is a felony in my state AND you need a state license to teach. Break one of those rules and they will snatch your credentials. If that happens you are FUCKED and arrested which means you have to explain the whole thing each time you apply for a job (or Grad school) for the rest of your life. This is great literature, but as a teacher I gotta say hellnofuckingway is this for real.
kiiiiiinda gross. he is probably surrounded by maturer women- WOMEN! – his age who don’t need to impress him by saying they listen to ~bon iver on vinyl~
Would it be that bad to wait til after you graduate? Who knows what will happen after you hook up, things could get really awkward and ruin the rest of your senior year. And as much as you would like to think that no one would find out about it, people always do and you could be caught up in the middle of a lot of drama.
I would chill with the flirting and if he really likes you and wants to pursue it, waiting a couple months is not gonna kill you or him. Graduation day though, get it girl!
^Oh, the Puritans speak^!!! It’s like somebody gave Ohio (c. 1962) a goddamn megaphone! “OMG, there’s like, ugh, five whole years between your ages! Guh-ROSS!”
Silly little bluenoses! Are you up past your widdle bedtimes? Or is it that the menopause is kicking in early? Laugh. Why is he a “douchebag” for *flirting* with a pretty girl? And WTF are you doing on this site?
@Original Poster:
1. The mistake girls make is to think they have to “seduce” at all. Uh: no. Not if you’re even half as hot as you imply. Just come right out and say it (within the vicinity of a viable fuck-spot)… but do it with style; do it with a reassuringly confident, in-control and measured voice. It’s your play: you’re the director. He won’t say no. Srsly: he won’t.
2. Make it a stylish event you can turn into a story you will tell for the rest of your life. If you expect no more than that (beyond the physical pleasure itself) from the experience (and you’re “legal”… and use a condom) it will only be good. Just make sure your subliminal agenda isn’t to get knocked up and bind him to you in misery and regret… that’s kinda standard… that’s not your subliminal agenda, is it? Let’s hope not.
Far too few people have great, romantic, convention-flouting stories they can tell for the rest of their lives… and far too many are stuck with sad fantasies and tight-lipped repression (see ^ above).
Make something memorable happen.
PS Don’t film it. Honestly. Don’t.
DON’T DO IT. Sure, maybe a five year age gap isn’t that huge but think about it in the situation: you are 18. You are essentially a kid still. Sure, you may be mature for your age (And I don’t doubt that, it’s very possible to have an old soul at 18 and to not get caught up in the melodrama of high school, so I applaud you for that) but you have a ways to go when it comes to life experiences. He’s 23, he has a steady job, he’s gone through college, he’s a completely different place in his life than you are. I used to HATE IT when I was a senior in high school and my older friends would tell me how much things would change and how “I wouldn’t understand until I went to college”, but looking back, it is the truth.
Two other points to make: If he’s so stylish worldly and smart, why can’t he get girls his own age and why does he have to resort to flirting with high school girls? Either he’s a complete loser and can’t, or you’re not the only one biting her lip and shooting innuendos his way. Why would you want someone who will make you one of many, not a “one of a kind, special” girl?
Last point: say he’s not a creep and things go well and happily ever after or whatever…fine. but if anyone were to find out his career would be OVER, regardless of whether or not he’s quitting in the next few weeks. Do you really wanna risk that?
I’m gonna give it to you straight, okay? Some of this you may agree with, some of it you more than likely will not, but you asked for advice, input and I’m giving it to you.
I picked up on A LOT of things while reading your post.
1. You’re the type of girl who THINKS she’s better than the other girls around you because you listen to better music, see better movies, read more books and you generally get along with people older than you, so you FEEL older yourself. But by you even sending this in for the world to see how edgy you are by being that 18-year-old girl who’s about to sleep with your high school teacher…it just makes you look immature.
2. Some of the previous comments are on point about this guy. You, yourself think this guy is mature and shit, but if he’s getting close to his HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT outside of class, he actually doesn’t have his shit straight. If you were in college, this would be a much, MUCH different story. You have to see that although there’s only a 5 year gap, there’s a BIG difference between an 18-year-old dating a 23-year-old and a 23-year-old dating a 28-year-old. Have you never seen and/or judged the Senior guys who date the Freshman girls at your school? It’s kind of like that.
3. I can’t tell whether you’re too attached to him or not. If you’re not attached, and you’re VERY dead-set on sleeping with him, do it once the year is out….IF he still has these feelings. If you are attached, then you’re getting yourself into a serious mess because Dom (first comment) is right. If he thinks he can just throw this job title out the window that easily, then you’re probably next.
Furthermore, you’re talking about some real Lifetime movie high school scandal shit. Is this really how you want the story of your life to be portrayed?! By the same channel that brought you “Craigslist Killer” and that shitty cyber bully movie? come on! I think you’re better than that….scratch that. YOU think you’re better than that.
Well, I’ve said what I need to say. Now I really want to hear Alexi’s point of view.
and p.s. well said, “Kitty”
uhhh don’t do it. Any selfrespecting “man” of 23 (which, mind you is still VERY YOUNG) with a teaching position, about to apply to grad school, wouldn’t fuck a 18 year old student.
whatever you do, for god’s sake just wait the year out before you try anything with this guy (who seems like bad news anyway)
This is ALL fuckin’ bullshit…. What the fuck? Stop talking this post like it’s a person. We had the “law student” who cuts and not the “teacher.” Come up with some better shit than this if it’s all about short stories now…
Yeah this is ridiculous. Don’t do that.. you’re setting yourself up for disaster. I agree whole heartedly with “Trust me. I’ve been there. NO.”
I’ve changed a hell of a lot since high school and it has only been 3 years. and if I would look back on what I did, and I slept with a teacher, I would regret it forever. And so will you. Don’t be immature…
Sounds like Alexi needs to tell you that 5 years down the road you’ll be saying to yourself about this relationship: “Why did I waste my fucking time and skills on that teacher who taps girls significantly younger than him?” But youre a teen and teens can’t listen to advice they can only do what their heart desires and learn the hard way.
I hooked up with my teacher in highschool. He was the head of the english department, very well liked, and highly thought of by the rest of the staff, everyone adored him. We didn’t have sex or anything but we did kiss and get drunk together and go to lunch. It was my junior year, and i was only 16… i was young for my grade. We continued it for about a few months until he got creepishly obsessed with me and told me he was in love with me. At one point when he sent me lyrics through a text to the beatles song run for your life “i’d rather see you dead little girl than to be with another man.” Looking back i think i only did it because it was a thrill to be doing something so “wrong”. I ended it and it was fine, awkward but fine. Until senior year started and over the summer somehow the faculty found out and it was not overlooked. they had me come down to the office everyday for weeks and brought lawyers and other people in who asked me every detail. recorded me. even brought in friends of mine who i hadn’t talked to in years and asked them if they knew anything. it was a mess and he lost his job. in your case, you’re graduating, he’s leaving, i’d say go for it definitely. but do realize you could screw his career or chances of getting any sort of teaching job in the future if you were to be caught. i guess that’s it. it’s fun and risky but realize that he could be a creep, like in my case. you never know!
also in my case he was 47 and married. so that’s a huge factor…. it was messed up.
It’s not okay. There is a power play at work here, not matter whether you feel like there is or not. In a couple years, I’d say it’d be fine. But as long as he is your teacher or you view him as more of your teacher than your peer, his behavior is utterly inappropriate and potentially immature or creepy. The fact that he’s okay breaking the rules means he’s bad news. Stay away.
HOLY FUCK PUT THIS IN THE TV SHOW BOO
I say do it!
Sounds like fun!! Unless your one of those dumb broads who can’t be realistic and see when a guy isn’t into them–that is, do it as long as you understand that if you get attached but he’s not, then you’re gonna have to walk away.
My friend in high school (senior year, age 18) was boning/dating her personal trainer who was like 25/26. They’ve been dating for a few years.
Do it and report back! Let me live vicariously through this juice!!
Ewwwww this guy sounds gross. You’re a smart girl. Use your BRAIN. I agree with the above…HE is seducing you, which means he’s a creep preying on vulnerable, young girls and not caring about the consequences. Doesn’t he have friends his own age on FB he can hook up with? It’s not that hard, just go to a frat party! If you are the catch you say you are, don’t waste your time on this loser!!!
By chance does this 23 year old hipster happen to know Chris Hansen?
Oh yeah, right, the “T.V. SHOW.” Too bad those are written in the “LIST FORMAT.”
Wow, these comments are on point…I think I actually enjoyed them more than the post. By the way, Bon Iver? This had to have been recent, past few years, right?
P.S. – I say do it.
TOTAL Chris Hansen material! Just dumb, spilling it all before the camera… In more freer countries like Norway, people would be like, “what the fuck are you talking about?” if you made an issue out of something like this though. And trust me EIGHTEEN is not the magical cut off point in those countries -it varies by state, but 18 is not even the cut-off point here, technically. It’s just that American kids have a mental age of like 11 at age 18, or 18 at 30 in the case of the blogger so it’s more of a “thought crime.”
well, i don’t seethere being an issue due to age,i’m 18 and my last boyfriend was 25 and he is doing his graduate degree aswell.
I just don’t understand why you can’t wait till you gradate and he leaves the school, then there is no scandal, yoou’ll just be a normal girl,dating a grad student. and 5 years is completely acceptable.
The 2 tings i would remark are 1) the fact that you are so into him could be clouding your judgement, and you could be reading things into actions that don’t actually mean anything.
2)I think if you waited, and heis attracted to you, there could definitely be like a summer affair kinda thing, however if he goes to gradschool and meets many mature girls his age ( and lets face it college is a marriage market), there is a really high chance he will find someone better suited to him. My point is just,it’s not easy to hang on to someone if he doesn’t take you all that seriously and due to the fact that he was once your teacher.
However i must add, these are just the likliest scenarios, who knows… it could be the start of a crazy epic love story- jut wait until you both left the school!
I say go for it !
This is something I did/something that was done to me. I am 22 now, and still not sure how I feel about it.
At the time, it felt novelesque, and I felt smarter & more mature than my classmates, like I had been selected because I was brighter, or more clever, or a partner to this man.
Remember that this relationship fits the legal def. of rape, no matter how you spin it in your own head. You say you are well-versed in the politics of sex and the body. Please remember what kind of sexual power politics surround student/teacher relationships.
Love,
K
This is totally the synopsis for a harlequin romance novel but instead of being for women with who wear shirts with cat butts on the back it’s for ‘authentic’ high school kids that are into ‘tea’ and ‘corduroy’ and ‘social inequalities’
i am saying this from experience: older guys only date much younger girls because all the women their own age can see that they’re not worth their time. what seems like just a few years of an age difference might not seem like a big deal, but when you’re that young, TRUST ME it is.
he might seem like he treats you as an equal, but i can tell just from what you’ve written that this is some kind of power play by him.
i totally agree with the first comment made by dom, too.
bad. news. sister.
please, please take my advice and don’t get involved with this guy.
Straight up, you’re a senior, probably heading to college out of town, he’s going to grad school. You two have pretty much made it clear as far as wanting each other, and sure there’s all these complications as far as him being your teacher, but if it makes you happy, then do it. DON’T get attached though, please. Enjoy those wonderful 5 mins of euphoria
¿El maestro molestó la pobre niñita en el foto?
No José. El no la molesto. Ella es de edad.
simple just fuck him senseless use protection get it out of the way teens will be teens. live and learn. and stop over-thinking it.
I’m calling fake on the whole thing.
seriously, just go for it and fuck him, you’ll regret it if you don’t, just ensure you keep it to yourself and don’t tell a soul until you graduate! even if it is your best friend, you don’t want it to turn into a massive drama.
Seconding the fake, thanks… Nice try.
I actually went through this same exact scenario.
I’m 20 and two years out of high school, but my senior year of high school when I was 18, I had a teacher who was about 24. I always had these elaborate fantasies about him and wanted him sooo badly. We started talking when I was in his class. The only difference is I graduated a semester early so when I friended him on facebook I was graduated. Basically it was the same thing, I’ve always tended to be more mature and I hang out with people older than I am. We talked and clicked really well. We went to Chicago one night and stayed up all night just talking and ended up kissing. We went out a few more times, but it all ended in disaster. He wasn’t actually interested in me the way I was in him and it really hurt. Then somehow people at the school found out and I’m forever known as the girl who slept with her teacher. Once I started dating some other guy and changed my relationship status on facebook, a girl commented it saying “Glad to to see she’s dating someone her own fucking age now” and I had to explain to my new boyfriend that I had slept with my teacher.
Then, come to find out, he had been doing this sort of thing with more than just me and some of the students were still in his class and he ended up getting fired this year.
You’re probably not the only one. He’s using all the right lines to make you feel special and mature, but it’s so hard to see that.
Basically, if you really want to do it, I’m not saying don’t….just wait until you’re graduated, and don’t expect more than a one night stand.
This sounds familiar. Isn’t this the one of the stories in that show? What’s it called, Pretty Little Liars.
sketch, dude’s a perve if he is actually hitting on an 18 y/o student of his. she might just being seeing innuendo into everything he says, but still, that much contact with a student is suspect
do what you want to do — i don’t think you’re going to listen to anyone telling you different anyway. but take it from someone who’s been in your shoes in a dozen different ways — don’t think he’s any sort of prince charming. i’m surrounded by men just like him in my life, and they are all narcissistic assholes. however, they are also great in bed. so it’s a toss up….sorta.
she’s NOT reading into his lines – he’s definitely sending signals. maybe it would be different if he was saying those things at school, but he met her OUTSIDE of school and told her he wanted to lay in her bed and listen to bon iver. i think it’s pretty obvious what his intentions are. he’s leaving for grad school after the summer and he wants to get it in before he goes to creep on the undergrads at university. don’t do it. you’ll fuck, he’ll leave, you’ll cry, etc. etc.
there’s absolutely NO WAY this will end up good. just look at his actions. he’s irresponsible and reckless – don’t expect him to be any different with you and your vagina. as mature as you may or may not be, any kind of heartbreak, big or small, will really affect you at this age. don’t think it won’t. THAT makes you immature.
pretty little black-nailed she creature vampire liars of hollywood.
he’s definitely sending signals. he’s interested- in having sex. but I think that he’s got you eating in his hand. if you’re ready for meaningless sex, go for it. just don’t get the wrong idea… you’ve been asking for it (wah, guys my age are SO immature!) but he might be out of your life as quickly as he entered it (other than as a teacher, I mean.)
I want to hear alexi’s advice.
This isn’t Pretty Little Liars and this man is not some dream machine you’ve been waiting for. He’s a childish 23 year old and wreckless. You’re 18 and think you’re so wise and mature for your age which you probably are but you’re still 18 and don’t have a lot of experience in real world dating. This dude is going to fuck you up and make you a sad little girl even if you go into it thinking you have all the power. You’re already analyzing everything that happens between you two and you haven’t even touched.
Don’t do it. Maybe lead him on for fun but if you sleep with him, he’ll have all the control and he’ll drop you in every way possible as soon as he gets what he wants.
DO IT! FUCK HIM!
I fucked a 21 year old dude when I was 17 and fucking regret it. Also engaged in some similar hardcore flirting with my high school English teacher. It’s dumb, you’re dumb, and stop being so goddamned hip and self-centered.
“After breaking up with my boyfriend, I told him how all guys my age that I date are always too clingy, calling me their ‘dream girl’ and how I am perfect and how that is not what I want and I hate it and it is too fucking much for me to handle. I pretty much let him know that all the guys my age are too immature for me”
Oh my god shut the fuck up.
“Bon Iver and Frank Sinatra are the ideal travel companions.” what an embarrassment for a “dream girl”…
You sound cool and smart. This guy is 23 (which once you get to college you’ll learn is NOT that mature and cool)
If you were to seriously date/fuck him you’d have to be on the look out for all the other cool, smart, pretty girls in his classes.
Snag a hotshot lawyer or doctor. Not a high school teacher that bangs his students.
I totally agree with Kitty – if he’s such hot shit, why can’t he get girls his own age? There are usually several reasons but they usually fall into one of two categories:
a. Loser. Or just incredibly selfish. Or both. No self-respecting woman will tolerate either.
b. Lazy. Perhaps he knows how to impress/seduce in the beginning, but doesn’t have what it takes to KEEP a woman happy. This is usually because he is one or both of the above (see: a). Any grown woman worth her salt can recognize this sort of man from a mile away, and avoid it accordingly (Think Titanic: ICEBERG. STRAIGHT AHEAD.). Younger girls (let’s face it) are more easily impressed than older ones – he doesn’t have to work nearly as hard (or, at all?) to get you into bed as he does a woman his own age (who has had time and experience to cultivate standards about how she wants to be treated/respected).
Moral: Take some advice from your older sisters. If grown women avoid him, there’s probably a VERY good reason.
My personal opinion: He is using you. Because you are easy sex. Most women/girls deserve more than that. But if that’s what you want, then that’s your prerogative. Just don’t expect ANYTHING.
Also: “I’m going to grad school” means precisely that. (That is, if he can get in at all after he breaks the law and gets discovered. Completely reckless, totally uncool). If you expect that you’re going to completely change his existence and convince him to stay, for you, you are DREAMING.
i say go for it. youre only young once. and he sounds like a total dreamboat! plus how many girls can say they fucked their english teacher?!
also..my dear friend is actually dating our english teacher from our senior year and they are very happy (hes also young and dreamy…but not as dreamy as this guy)
everyone loves a man who can layer, so get those layers off and jump in bed!
but make sure…you can handle this being a fling or just for fun, teacher affairs arent always the best for building a relationship but hey it could work out!
Don’t do it. Teacher-student relationships always get caught. It doesn’t matter if you’re legally old enough, it’s against the law and will go on his record forever. You’ll also be ostracized for the rest of your high school career. Move on.
Hey don’t listen to all of these negative responses. You can make it happen, but wait until after you graduate. Your situation is basically a carbon copy of mine except he is 10 years older than me and really cared about his job. Junior year he taught me history and senior year I was his TA and we always talked about non-school related things though it never got inappropriate. After I graduated we would get together at a coffee shop and talk…about things like how much more mature I felt than my peers. Lo and behold a few years after I graduated and turned 21, we finally ended up going out for drinks and hooking up. He is into you. It’s following a formula.