BLOG » reader submission: The Man We Want; The Man We Shouldn’t Want
You lay there with your legs intertwined with his. You roll to your side, reaching for something in particular, but you can no longer remember what it was you were reaching for. Your hands grasp for nothing. You arm falls lazily to the side of the bed. You lay on your side, and unlike the ones before him, he doesn’t reach for you. You like it that way. You hate the feeling of a heavy arm on your shoulder. The heat from his skin burns your back.
He hands you a cigarette and a glass of water, pushes the stray strands of hair away from your face. His lips warm, they kiss you close to your ear lobe. It’s always perfect. He knows your secrets, the ones you’ve yet to tell him. He excuses himself and climbs out. He pulls you up onto the pillow. He pulls you slowly, delicately. And then he walks out and you watch him leave.
You roll back onto your side, check the time and stare at the wall. He returns with another glass of water. He climbs back into bed. He pulls you closer by your legs. You wrap your legs around him and he holds you too close. You realize this is too close but you say nothing. This time it will be different.
You are intoxicated by him. His lips, his eyes. The way he teases you, twirls your hair around his finger. His boyish charm, his juvenile sense of humour. The way he makes you wait for hours, days. He owes no explanation to you and you command none. He will call and you will crawl back into bed with him. He will leave you without pictures, songs, borrowed t-shirts and other memorabilia that lovers exchange. He is everything you want, but he is not what you should want.
He is cold, unknowingly manipulative. Your hands fit perfectly into his. He closes his eyes for a moment and you kiss him gently. You know that this time will be different. But it never is. You compare him to the beautiful men in lovely black and white movies. Tall, stoic. Workaholics, alcoholics with no soul but with eyes full of too much soul, and all it takes is an honest conversation. They become changed men. Men capable of holding and feeling. They run away with you to Paris. You peruse the streets of Rome with him. He is there at night and you can hear him breathing. The only two stars of your wonderful movie, in black and white, with no blurring grey areas.
Or you lay in bed alone, promising to never love the man you shouldn’t want. But you were never very good at keeping promises.
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Yeah You’re so right, I’m so bad at keeping promises, still loving the man I shouldn’t and who doesn’t give a f*** about me! Thanks for the reminder anyway, I loved it!
i should know better but i don’t. this really hit home. thanks!
“He is cold, unknowingly manipulative.”
This is the exact man i have been seeing for almost five years. I ended the whole thing with him last friday and i havent been out of my appartment since, but i feel okay now, i feel like i did it for every girl outthere wasting their energy on the man they shouldnt want.
WOW. Get out my head!!!
My ex! He really was, “unknowingly manipulative.”
Dated that man before.. if you can even call it that.. always there when he wanted me but never here when I wanted him #FAIL never again ladies, never again!
Is it weird that I have no attraction whatsoever to guys who treat girls like shit? I never understood this at all… In my book, nice guys never finish last!
I have totally been, there and one day it did change, and so did I …
The second he wanted me to be his “girlfriend” I left him, bummer.
I still recall him as the best sex ever and he looks like Johnny Depp … I still miss that feeling of hopelessly in love, but I am learning to know I deserve the good guys…such a journey,fucking patterns!
Weird thing is I feel I am becoming this version of a woman…its sooo hard to get it right!
always happens, blah
this is actually EXACTLY what im going through.. glad im not the only one.
“He is everything you want, but he is not what you should want”
Oh I believe this is my last three “relationships” and don’t worry telling them exactly what you’re feeling doesn’t make it better. At least in my stories that is usually how it goes.
It just seems really hopelessly immature, if not reckless to me that everyone’s acting like this on Twitter, Facebook, and in “blogs”…. You know… “AS A CULTURE?” When did we become a nation of crackish gibbering tweek-offs so willing to shame ourselves publicly for a couple more “hits”? People need to take a second to WAKE UP.
are you saying that telling a story is immature? or people believing that someone can change is immature?
I totally relate with Marie & Charlotte also Emily. I just ended a relationship last Tuesday that had been on and off for over a year. For good this time. I pretty much date/go for the unavailable emotionally men..the guys I shouldn’t want and who I know won’t give me what I want or more importantly need every single time. I’m desperately trying to break this habit for good. And yes telling them what your feeling or what your concerns are or showing them you care or love them doesn’t and will never do anything. If he can’t give you the same effort your putting in he just doesn’t want to. One person cant save a whole relationship…50/50.
@hippiedoll
What’s with the Zoe Deschanel doppelgänger style? Creeeeepy duuuude! “Hellogiggles! Hi! I’m just little girl? Let’s share stories!” WTF? You people are sick!! Thank you all for a dumbed-down. Retarded-ass. American future…
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrZlPppOrVk&w=420&h=315
Wow. I just read that while I’m sitting in my bed waiting for this exact guy to come over. He was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago. A few commenters mentioned they recently broke up with “this guy,” and that’s awesome. Good for you. But seriously. I don’t know about you guys, but i’ve “broken up” with this guy more times than I can even remember. It never sticks with him because there was never really anything there to lose. He’s not my boyfriend. What do I expect? Sad story, right? …but…I mean, the sex is GREAT. Of course it is though. If you can just view at as a good fuck, and focus your serious attention elsewhere, I see no problem with “this guy.” There are MILLIONS of hot men out there, and some of them might actually by nice.
But I’m so sick of him making me wait. Now he’s an hour late.
in the end your better off.
it motherfuckin’ hard but if you remember to do what’s best for you, and to put yourself first you’ll quit it. even if that means endlessly thinking about him every day for hours and for months..eventually u get on with your life and his memory eventually fades (maybe it doesn’t die) but they’ll come a day when you just don’t feel that way for him any more. and that’s when you know your over him.
does that make any sense? lol.
I honestly cannot relate to this I dont see how men like this could actually be attractive. I want to be treated well my standards are not high I just know what I want and I don’t understand how any woman/man could want to be treated this way. I met a Guy who started treating me like this and the minute I realized what kind of man he was I lost his phone number it wasn’t on accident.
i really felt that. thanks
My current situation….exactly. It’s so fucking disgusting. I’ve promised myself that I would stop “seeing” him…but that never sticks. The minute he texts me at 3AM, I’m there. I find myself agreeing to his requests to see me just so I can get a piece of him. I’ll take anything. That’s depressing too. I’ve told him how I feel, and like Emily says…it doesn’t matter. He says we just wouldn’t work but has yet to give me a reason why we wouldn’t work. I hate that I’m practically addicted to him and hate him at the same time. I hate that our sex is fucking awesome, and I hate that I want him. I hate that I can’t stop.
great submission! strikes waaaaayyy too close to home. xo.
COOL POST! PEOPLE RELATEEEEE BUT THE SECRET IS GIRLS, TO LEAVE THE DUDE PARALYZED IN BED WHILE YOU GET UP TO GET ANOTHER GLASS OF WATER DUHHHH
Unless your looking for marriage, there’s nothing wrong with having. Just don’t be that vulnerable girl who doesn’t know what she wants. If anything ladies, you should handling business and running the game… Guys should be on your nuts not vice versa! Xoxo
me too k. wow Alexi, OW but still <3
this is amazing. THANK YOU!
“BWW” -Blog without a “writer.”
if anyone is interested the book: “women who love to much” by robin norwood basically explains the psychology behind why we go after guys that don’t want us. the book basically says it is what we were brought up with at home/in our childhood that depicts how we view love and relationships.
The blog http://www.BaggageReclaim.co.uk has the same message as the book tastythreads described. Read it and let it sink in. Please.
I’m 19, and this was the first guy I ever fell in love with. He just broke my heart, and all I can think is that I want him back right now. I’m drinking boxed wine alone, listening to Jeff Buckley, and praying he will call me, but knowing he won’t.
i was shocked when i was reading this- for the past 4 months i’ve been in this situation and for some reason, i felt like i was the only one. it has made me so depressed but i can’t seem to get out of it, even when i have actually made some progress. thank you for this post
This is beautifully written. and although i’ve never been through anything like this, I can absolutely picture it.
http://renegadeink.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-man-you-shouldnt-want/
” You are intoxicated by him….The way he makes you wait for hours, days. He owes no explanation to you and you command none. He will call and you will crawl back into bed with him. He will leave you without pictures, songs, borrowed t-shirts and other memorabilia that lovers exchange. He is everything you want, but he is not what you should want.”
this right there, you just keep going back, and you long for that sense of ‘relationship’ where you get to wear his clothes etc. but it never fucking comes.