BLOG » reader submission: what happened last night?
Hi Alexi, I want to share a story with you and also let you know how your blog has changed me.
I’ve been seeing this boy, sort of for a while. He’s super sweet, he gets my cultural references, he’s got a giant penis and knows how to use it. He says sweet things to me, shares, makes sure I always get home safely. He’s bearded, tall, well-dressed and intelligent. He’s a dreamboat, in my honest opinion and I hate most men, so I don’t use that term very liberally.
The only catch is that he has a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Last weekend, while we were in the middle of a cuddle/movie sesh and his ex phones. He goes in the other room, yet her drunk dialing continues. He finally turned off his phone and explained how she’s a drunk, crazy bitch and they broke up from a long-term relationship a few months ago and have “joint custody” of the animals that live in his house. Whatever, right? We all have one crazy ex, or at least, I know I do.
So last night, he invited me over. We went for coffee and then ventured to his house. I met some of him and his roommate’s friends who seemed pretty sweet. They left at about 2am. We had plans to make tea and go to bed when there comes a knock on the door.
If you’ve ever watched 90210 (the new one), you’ll remember Jen, Naomi Clark’s sister. Well, this is the voice I heard as the door opened (it was unlocked). This 100lb redhead walks in, holier-than-thou going on about how she’s half-cut, offers us wine and sits down to explain how she’s had such a terrible night with the guy she’s seeing and was in the neighbourhood, so she thought she’d just invite herself over at 3am to vent.
I knew this was the ex, just from the vibe.
I snuck outside to have a cigarette and phone my best friend to explain the situation to her. Just after we ended our conversation, boy comes out. He apologizes for the interruption of his ex girlfriend and explains that she’s a little bit of a crazy bitch when inebriated. I explained to him that I’d like to go to bed soon and asked when she was leaving. He then explained to me that apparently, she had nowhere else to go so she had to crash. I said, “Weird, but fine.” Then he interrupted, by explaining that I would have to sleep alone on the couch while they slept in his bedroom.
I thought about it for a minute. I was enraged. I reverted back to my teenage self and tried to brush it off like I didn’t care, like it was fine. But tears welled up in my eyes. I was silver-medal compared to this bitch. I was second best. I quickly and maturely explained to him that that wasn’t fair. She should leave or at least sleep on the couch. I was there first. Yet, his back bone seemed to diminish as he explained to me that “things were still complicated and they were still sleeping together.” I explained that although we weren’t serious and we were just getting to know each other, it didn’t matter. Whomever he was sleeping with or seeing other than me doesn’t have to have anything to do with me.
I felt sixteen again. Trapped. Rejected. I literally texted 18 people in five minutes desperately, looking for a place to stay, looking for help.
If he had been at my house that night and one of my exes or friends with benefits or dudes I was seeing showed up, I would promptly tell them I was busy and to leave after questioning why they thought it was appropriate to show up at my home unannounced, half cut at 3am.
After this discussion, I explained to him that I would be selling myself short to sleep on the couch alone while he slept with his ex in his bedroom to “figure out” whatever needed to be figured out. I asked him not to feed me bullshit, and he continued to explain how complicated the situation was, how he’s enjoying getting to know me, how beautiful and perfect I am and how he gets excited every time he sees me, yet is not committed enough to have a relationship with me.
I never asked for a relationship.
All I asked is to have passionate sex in his bedroom, drink tea, talk about the world and cuddle, like we usually do.
By this point, his bones had turned to jelly. I was leaving, this bitch was here to stay. You could see the satisfaction in her drunken face that I was leaving. She knew she had the upper-hand. In my rage, I almost wanted to take out my earrings and tell her what a stupid bitch she was, but alas, I’m more refined than that.
He offered to pay for a cab so that I could go home. The ex lives six blocks away, while I live across town and he spent 5x the amount it would have cost to get her home, so that I could leave. He paid for me to leave so that he could spend the night with his ex.
As soon as I got home, I burst into tears.
Now today, his roommate has been talking to me, telling me how sorry he is that he wasn’t awake to drive me home, telling me how right I was for leaving. The boy has also been texting me, apologizing for the asshole move he made, saying that he enjoys me, but things are still oh-so complicated between him and his ex. He wants to take me for coffee, lunch, movies, dinner, anything and wants me to forgive him.
I don’t know that I’ll never forgive him. But I don’t know if he’s worth my time after last night. I went from being a giddy school girl to being an anxious mess in literally two minutes because of this woman who means nothing to me.
But, I know if I would have stayed on that couch, I would have felt worse today. The teenage me may have, just to avoid drama. I would have put a smile on my face and just dealt with how shitty I felt and maybe cried myself to sleep knowing I was not the one that night. But instead, I grew a backbone and with class, told him that what he was doing was incredibly shitty, but that I wasn’t going to argue about it any longer.
I don’t know what’ll happen with this boy. Before this, he seemed perfect. While watching movies, I could feel his glance at me and see a smirk from the corner of my eye. When he runs his fingers down my back after we have sex, I shiver. When he tells me about his interests and goals, I’m interested, as he is when I talk about mine.
Despite all that, I’m capable of so much and worth so much more than the couch and I know that and I think realizing that is a part of growing up. It’s funny how in moments of rejection, self-doubt and confidence blows, you find small bits of pride in yourself. I was the better person. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I didn’t tell him that I hated him. I just explained how I felt and how what he was doing was wrong and left with class. I never would have done this four or five years ago.
Thank-you for showing women everywhere that they are empowered and in control, even when everything around them is out of control.
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I LOVE YOU
He’s so not worth your time. This dude is being an asshole… hell, he probably IS an asshole. Seriously, how would you react if a friend told you a similar story?
Please, please, please don’t see him anymore. You deserve so much better.
OH. My. God.
i just can’t believe what i just read. How could a guy do such a thing. I would have been pissed enough, if he let his ex sleep on the couch while i was there, but to have her come drunk at 3 a.m. and take my place in the bed. IS HE CRAZY?? HOW CAN THAT BE ACCEPTABLE?? EVER??
Not cool doesn’t cover it. Saying, ‘ARE YOU SERIOUS?, fuck you duuuude.’ walking away and never talking to him again does. It’s not a maturity thing, It’s a respect for yourself thing.
EXACTLY what I was thinking Josh.
My bf took me to hang with his friend who he has never had sex with, ever, because she was sad that her guy left for another country for months and wanted to drink, but I didn’t know the last part and don’t like drinking m i d d a y. She ended up getting blasted, I was the only one driving, and I became pissed. Like, going off, laundry listing everyone’s accomplishments and then deciding they were all losers pissed. So I was blown away by your humility, and you totally did take the high road even if it hurts and doesn’t feel that way (I still hurt incredibly AND felt like an idiot for letting pms get to me, like that) But at the same time, he completely disrespected you. Not that the way I did things were better, but sometimes people don’t know to respect you unless you tell them to explicitly by acting crazy over the small stuff, which is a horrible thing (!!!) But some people are clueless about that stuff no matter how they are otherwise. But more, I like the way you handled it, you should feel like an inspiration of a woman:)
Also, do you think while they were talking, before he turned off his phone that he told her to come over later and then turned the phone off just for show?? Like, unless he’s ghandi, or some other extraordinarily nice person, I was supposing that was what was so “difficult” about making her leave.
GREAT STORY THANK YOU FOR SHARING!
that story is horrifying!! i am so sorry that you had to go through that but thank you so much for sharing – definitely an eye opener!
Wow!!! No way! Never see that guy again, what a complete douche bag. So what if it is just casual sex.. You are still a person with feelings and he is a insensitive tool. What he did was unforgivable. Move on, he’s not worth it.
great story. self-respect, something we all need to learn to really enjoy any kind of relationship…
nice one alexi. empowering girls all around the world!
holla!
High five! God that guy really is an ass… The ex’s insecurities are really going to take her far in life (eyeroll)
DUDEEE This is the coolest thing I’ve read in a long time. The idea about being in control when everything around us is out of control is so true- especially for twenty somethings whose lives are constantly changing and impossible to make sense of. Thanks for writing this!
It’s hard to feel lonely but PLEASE DO NOT see or talk to him again.
I promise you’ll meet another guy that is amazing but also respectful.
Do not take even a call.
Just wish him well and move on.
You’ll thank yourself in six months promise.
xo
you’re amazing, you’re strong. what a story..that sounds so hard.. but you did the best thing you could.
I agree with everyone here. Be pround to be strong and do the right thing. I know he is being sweet to apologise and go after you, but think about the big picture he ruined.
wow…my heart dropped when i read “I would have to sleep alone on the couch while they slept in his bedroom” please do not go back to him!
i want to take a chainsaw to his ex.
what a bitch.
go marry a model instead, its what you deserve.
This is the most intense thing I have read on imboycrazy all year. So sorry that this shit actually happened to someone.
I’m pretty sure the author of ‘He’s just not that into you’ would give you a high five if he read this.
The first thing I thought when I read “sleep alone on the couch” was “FUCK. THIS. GUY.”
I’m in agreement with everyone else. I’m so glad that Alexi posted this because stories like this and YOUR self respect is what women need to hear more of.
And if there’s ANYTHING that gets to me, it’s girls who don’t respect the relationship of someone else. PERIOD.
Please don’t take this loser back.
That is the most insane story i have ever read.
Something is wrong with both of them, your life is much better without this asshole.
Never see this douche bag AGAIN!
Get the hell away from that horrible guy.
All these “reader submissions” are all conspicuously similar in style and tone. Better expressed as “weekly fictions”?
You’re surprised that boycrazy’s demographic might use a
similar prose? wat?
Wow!!! Is that a picture of you?? You’re hot!!! Oh, and that guy sucks..
Older man here. You did the right thing. My condolences for what you had to go through with these sick people. That guy is a weak-ass, ball-less piece of shit. Also, a complete and total co-dependent – and they are as bad in relationships as drunks. I know it hurt, but you dodged the bullet with this guy.
I have a feeling they will be doing this sick dance for a long time. I pray they never have children.
Take care! You sound like a very lovely woman.
I just don’t find it very plausible that even a half-literate person could actually find him/herself in a situation like this one. Plus the hyperbolic comment at the end that doesn’t really seem to apply to the stupifying scenario….
wow, if you start having sex with someone else, why would you keep seeing your ex? Thanks for posting. What a fuckhead!!!
THIS is why i read boycrazy. thank you for sharing.
sometimes it takes guts to be the better person and walk out of a situation when you want to break things (including that bitch’s face), but you did the right thing!
and don’t bother forgiving him.
OH MY LORD!!!!
Do not even talk to this man again… What a hot mess he is. There are so many wonderful men out there that are genuine nice guys, that were raised properly with manners.
Girl, you did the right thing. Pat yourself on the back, go get a latte and feel proud. You handled it the classy woman way and seriously you deserve a medal for not punching him in the nuts right then and there.
I think if he were to contact you again you should just calmly say you are looking for someone what will treat you with respect and he is not that person. Wish him the best and move on with life. There is someone out there for you that would never do this to you. Keep youe head up and heart open and you will find him!
LOVE THIS! you go girl.
re: Andie
I’ve found myself in an eerily similar situation before, I wouldn’t have found the circumstances very plausible myself before it happened either. Don’t underestimate people’s capacity to be shitty to one another.
re: Tina
Yeah, right… it’s all pretty Jerry Springer’d out now I guess. Too bad…
Talk about toxic emotional bullshit. You got some good sex and a cab ride home, and he gets his unstable ex. You are winning, and that guy should now be a non [motherfuckin!!!] factor in your life. He’s history, and you should be moving on to better things, namely people who can treat you with grace, respect and compassion. If ImBoyCrazy is keeping girls out of the hands of smarmy and selfish piece of shit boys, then keep on keepin on Alexi!!!
holy shit! that is so not okay. fuck that dude. never compromise!
Love this story!! I hope you never see him again. xo
suchhhh a good idea on the ex’s part! totes using that.
Re: Andie – maybe you have had the privilege of not being totally fucked over by a guy you cared deeply about, and for that, I envy you.
A similar thing happened to me and it was with a guy who I trusted, loved, and was a friend with before we started dating. The fact that he wouldn’t commit to me with a title was just one of the (many) red flags I should’ve paid attention to. And yet, when it all crumbled, I never felt so deceived and blindsided. I should have left his place instead of stayed, and that was a lesson I definitely learned the hard way. The entire experience knocked the wind out of me and I’m still recovering, weeks later.
To the woman who wrote this story, thank you for sharing it, because you helped me not feel so alone. You handled a horrible, dumbfounding situation with grace, poise and class. He is an immature, selfish asshole, and I pity him for not having the strength to remove himself from his crazy ex and recognize the great thing he had in front of him. While it hurts right now, you DEFINITELY dodged a bullet and you are better for it. It’s his loss, not yours.
wow what a douchebag. goes to show ya…
and andie, stop being a hater. if you think the stories here are “fiction” then don’t read alexi’s fucking blog, stupid.
You keep saying how you reverted to your 16-year-old self. Nope – you did what a MATURE, SMART, STRONG woman would’ve done. *Applause*
Like everyone else has said, this guy was a douche. And instead of going crazy and maybe even doing something you would’ve regretted, you stepped up and defended your dignity. Amazing.
This guy is a douche. Why do guys think they can get away with shit like this?
You did the right thing, but I think you shouldn’t even give him the time of day. don’t respond to his texts. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.. let him deal with this crazy ex girlfriend, you deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you are.
Andie: really? are you serious? go away, troll!
Sorry, despite the all the fake replies above -I still think it’s retarded.
And fake… as in this “story…” And I’m not a hater, I’m just trying to help you sort out who the real haters are…
This guy could be the world’s weakest, shittiest, most clueless one in a million douche. But he’s more likely a controlled sociopath who meticulously crafted an experience to inflict as much emotional harm as possible. Who knows if the cunty ex isn’t also one of his marks?
I am so engraged by this I can’t even put it into words. Thank god you left. What a totally spineless wanker.
This really blows. I felt your pain when I read this, because this is similar to what happened to me. Except! His ex was sleeping in the couch and I got to sleep in his room. This sounds nice and all, but months later I found out she slept in his room the night before. “She has no other place to go…” righhhht, dude.
That is horrible and humiliating. I would not give this guy a second chance, he clearly has a lot of issues he needs to take care of. In my experience trying to be merciful or believing that you’re doing a good thing by sticking it out just ends up in heartbreak.
Let’s face it: it sucks when you’re in a place to meet someone, you’re feeling optimistic and that person seems receptive – and boom, all of a sudden they have issues coming out their ass and its clear you’re not on the same page or even reading the same book. There’s not much we can do about it.. just be optimistic that next time things will work out.
I just know how it feels.
I have similiar story to this, when i go to spend another night in my crush-place, his ex suddenly banging the door at the morning. His ex yelling all around and he’s panicked. I just look at him with such disdain and then left them alone with no words. I switch off my phone for a weeks and watch how he’s trying to reach me by my friends. A month later, we meet accidentally in some lounge, he’s beg for apology and says that he loves me but he had a complicated situation with his ex and bla bla bla. I just smile, said ‘NO, its enough. Dont ever try to contact me at all. Its all over.’ and leave him crying. Yessss he’s crying. And you know what, the moment i saw his tears is the best moment i could ever remember.