BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 76):
1. dudes! When sexxxting, or EVER, never refer to a girls pussy/privates/vagina or cunt as her ‘pussy hole’! It’s sooo gross! ‘Pussy’ will suffice! The word ‘pussy’ INCLUDES the hole!
2. weight gain is not allowed in a relationship. When you enter into a relationship, you should only get better or at LEAST stay at the shitty point you entered it in. This weight gain rule goes for men AND women. Men, you say you don’t like ‘fatties’. Well fuck you. Neither do we. So drink a little less beer and stop it with all the crap food… And see how many more blow jobs you get standing up now that your tummy’s not resting on your (nearly ex) girlfriends head! You’re welcome. Both of you should keep each other in check! Her thighs get big, she has a muffin top, this affects how attracted you are to her. He has a spare tire, he crushes you when he’s on top of you, you can’t find his dick cuz it’s engulfed in fat and he’s sweating all over you… That affects you! It’s unattractive! It just is. So eat a little less, steam, walk, stop with the alcohol, don’t eat chips/fast food/soda/too much bread, pasta,rice, and take care of your fucking body. IT MATTERS!
PS: This does not include pregnancy, unless it’s an accidental pregnancy that the boy doesn’t want but the girl insists on having. in which case, this weight gain will be a relationship ruiner as well.
3. super market baggers: I know your job isn’t ideal, but isn’t it a cool idea to excel at what you do? Here’s a tip: weight distribution between bags is key! and when bagging individual bags, always remember: heaviest stuff on the bottom, lightest stuff on top is key. sounds SO SIMPLE! but you’d be surprised!
4. enough with the short in the front, long in the back dresses/skirts. they suck! and that makes YOU suck!
5. don’t wear lots of heavy cologne/perfume. One spritz and you’re done.
6. it’s all about elle Macpherson intimates!
7. for those of you new to los Angeles, and even for those of you who aren’t in the know: coffee houses such as ‘stir crazy’ and ‘the bourgeois pig’ are loser epicenters. don’t get caught where you don’t think you belong.
8. every time you do something weird or gross, or ANYTHING for that matter, in front of your computer… someone is watching you through the video camera. I mean, maybe. but probably. Just be careful. you’ve been warned.
9. people can think they know everything about you… But keep some stuff to yourself, ok? That’s what I do. er, i mean… that’s what my therapist tells me to do.
10. don’t use the term ’horns’ or ‘horny’. both are SUCH a clitoral hard-off!
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