Now here is where the plot thickens… I hang out with my boyfriend the following day. It was gorgeous outside and I suggested we go for a walk in a nearby forest.
We were actually having one of the best times I could remember in a while. I planned on telling him once we were done with our walk. But we sat down and he noticed a small hickey on my neck. So I told him right then and there, feeling very nervous, but not expecting the reaction he gave. At first he was sort of grinning, jaw-dropped. But I guess as he began to think about it, his thoughts did a complete 180. “I don’t really know what to think,” he had said. I started quietly panicking as I could see him beginning to filter through his thoughts. He started frowning. He told me he was confused, and that ultimately he just saw it as though I slept with someone else. Cheated, basically. He saw it as unfair, that I was not ‘devoted’ to him anymore. That it would be completely different if he wanted to “experiment” with someone else. Of course I don’t expect him to go hook up with another guy. It’s not like most girls fantasize about two guys pounding each others brains out. I pleaded with him to understand that it was just me taking advantage of this weird situation. I had the purest of intentions possible… I wanted this to be something we could talk about, get each other hot and bothered by. But he couldn’t see past the fact that I slept with someone else. I have never dreamed of cheating on him and I have felt sick to my stomach for days as he ignores me, trying to figure out exactly how he feels. He had told me he didn’t see how things could progress after this has happened, but I know that he isn’t 100% sure.
I have told his roommate and one of his best friends, who is also a good friend of mine, all about the situation. He sees both sides but is surprised my boyfriend took it the way he did. He’s convinced he just needs some time, and that everything will be fine. But I’m absolutely freaking out, having anxiety attacks for the past three days and I have NO idea what to do. I would be absolutely devastated if he ended things over this. I didn’t feel like I was betraying him, so I’m totally panicking. I would have NEVER even thought about hooking up with my girl friend if I knew he was uncomfortable with it. This is by far the most messed up relationship situation I have ever been in! I feel I have no one to really talk about it with, because many of my girl friends are closed-minded about this sort of thing. Any advice would be so appreciated!
Anonymous “Kinda” Cheater
Dear Anonymous “Kinda” Cheater,
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