BLOG » reader submission: ‘the friend zone’
I’m 20. I’m at my top choice college, have amazing friends, an awesome job, and, after years of misery and self-loathing a pretty fuckin’ solid self-esteem.
My biggest issue right now seems to be that, with almost every guy I’m interested in, I get slammed into that dreaded place known as “the friend zone.” I kind of hate the term “friend zone” because I feel like it’s really negative and too often used by “Nice Guys” who get super butthurt because women won’t sleep with them, when they actually just befriended them with the hopes of getting laid.
But honestly, it feels like no matter what I do, I can’t win. I’ve been honest and up front with how I felt and gotten the standard “Aw, I don’t feel that way about you, I think we should just be friends.” I’ve sat back and done nothing, waiting for him to make the move, just to have it fizzle out.
Just a few weeks ago, I had my most brutal case:
A guy and I were strolling around a yard during a party (think a Jane Austen-style turn about the room but with more liquor). We held hands, kind of snuggled, and flirted a lot (and the flirting had been going on literally all day). And then, at the peak of all of it, he started telling me that he had *one* girl he wanted to hook up with at the party — which turned out to be a girl I can’t stand. And then he told me how awesome I am and how he wished I would come visit him where he lives — an hour away — more often and how we should totally hang out more because I’m SO COOL.
I just have to ask: what the FUCK? Granted, if a guy doesn’t want to go out with me, that’s totally fair — we’re all attracted to different kinds of people and I can’t fault someone for not being attracted to me. But at the same time, when it happens time and time again, it starts to sting. How do I keep handling being told I’m cool enough to have as a friend but not cool enough to be anything else?
I give up.
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