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at the expense of my own feelings, i’m happy that i could help wake someone up in regards to his life/happiness/and responsibilities. i got sucked into a situation out of nowhere, and was all of a sudden an unavailable mans crush. i kept reminding him that this wasn’t ok and that he needed to evaluate his life… and somewhere in between flirting sessions and my stern voice of reason (and a lot of moments of me loving and indulging in the attention and wishing he could be mine) he finally woke up and i went the complete other way and fell in ‘like’ with him. what began with him being vulnerable, ended with me being the one exposed and vulnerable. but that’s ok. if all it took was my hearts reciprocation, mixed with a handful of mini lectures from me to him about my feeling sorry for him and him needing to sort his life out and get his affairs in order… cuz this wasn’t an ideal situation for any of the parties involved-to make him stop living in a fantasy land/avoiding his problems/ and sleepwalking through life… than that was ok. i know i’ll be fine. for me this was a blip (albeit, emotional) that fed my ego and was slightly entertaining and exciting… but mostly painful. and despite my vulnerability in the end, i wasn’t at all embarrassed or regretful… i was happy our paths crossed and i could help steer him in the right direction. a direction that would give him clarity and resolve, whatever he decided to do… as opposed to confusing the issue more and creating a painful situation for my heart. yeah, maybe he’ll find clarity… or maybe he’ll just find another girl. one who makes it easier, has weaker morals, less self-respect, and low self-esteem.


11 Responses to “and so it was…”

  1. wow, this is eerily similar to something i went through in february, ending just a few weeks ago, and now i feel the exact same way.. keep writing, alexi!


  2. thank you~ i will! xoxoox


  3. The more I read of your material the more it provides insights into your soul. You seem to lack a sense of self and self worth or path comments welcome.


  4. i think ur projecting dr dan =)


  5. Dude, get out of mind!! This is my exact situation right NOW. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Alexi, it makes the ouch a bit less for me :) I feel like you just wrote what I couldn’t exactly put into words… thank you.


  6. I don’t think I am projecting brit because I am very familiar with Alexi’s writings. In terms of psychological material from an emotional stance its damn good stuff in terms of the science of the female psyche (Especially, one in turmoil) and understanding the woman’s viewpoint she is phenominally superb at portaying the trials and tribulations of 21st century women and girls within our confusing popular culture. The trick is to have enough material to read between the lines and that only comes with experience. So when I wrote this its not a shoot at the hip evaluation.


  7. you write as if you know he is going to read this


  8. I write for the sake of writing. To put forth my ideas. Whether it is read by the individual that is addressed is irrelevant. The idea which is the crux of the writing is to allow a flow of ideas to be seen by a larger audience.

    Sincerely,

    Dr. Dan


  9. thanks for not fucking someone else’s man, alexi. good one for the team! there needs to be more people like you and less like “unavailable man”.


  10. sorry but this kind of thinking is so inspirational!


  11. I was in an emotionally similar relationship recently, and what I miss the most are the florid, strenuous ravishing seshes we would share. I spent twooooo months reminding myself that physical intimacy was not worth the other concessions that would inevitable have to be made, which included indulging his poor lifestyle choices. Now my privates are empty, he found someone new, and I question everyday the purpose of these stupid guidelines and moral systems that only appear to be keeping me a solitary biiiiitch at the moment.


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