BLOG » reader submission: ‘too young to be so bitter’

Dear Alexi,

I live in Canada and am 22 years old. My problem is that I am bitter
towards love. Let me give you a little history… I dated my first
boyfriend when I was 19. We dated for 2 and a half years and at the time I
felt just like any other girl in love (butterflies, stars and rainbows!).
However, we broke up 8 months ago and I feel as though I’ve moved on.
However, ever since we broke up, my mindset towards any type of
relationship has taken a flip. I see my friends in relationships and think
to myself “they will never last”. In general, I am a happy and fun-loving
person but I don’t see the point in dating anybody when I know that it is
never going to end well. I know that eventually I’ll find someone more
compatible with me than my ex but what’s to stop that relationship from
failing? People inevitably change and therefore the relationship is
inevitably going to fall apart. I can get sex if that’s what I need,
without committing to anybody – so why would I? My friends call me smart
because I don’t fall for guys bullshit and can keep a clear head when i
like somebody. But this is just a result of me not wanting to pursue them.

I am too young to be this bitter! What do you think? Do you think maybe I
am just not completely over the emotional shock of going through a break
up? And how can I overcome this?!

Hope that you can help!!!








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14 Responses to “reader submission: ‘too young to be so bitter’”

  1. My goodness this is exactly how I feel! I feel like nothing ever lasts anymore… It’s disappointing and exhausting, just like alexi says, we all do it. We are addicted to the search.


  3. It can be useful to think critically about what other people say – and what motivates them to say it. Those of us who can’t engage that faculty will be duped into doing things/being with people that just aren’t right for us.

    But that doesn’t mean you should close off the possibility of having any relationship at any time. Look on being with someone as a chance to grow. Change can be a force for good – maybe you should try and help your potential partners change for the better. That can be uber rewarding.

    Also, how will you know if someone is right for you – or wrong, for that matter – of you don’t put yourself out on a limb and give it a go. Otherwise, you’ll be left with that ‘what if?’ feeling; and that’s a feeling no one wants to have.

  4. If he loves you he will return to you and it he doesn’t than he can always be a friend. Don’t search for him let him search you chances are he already knows where you live. And if it happens to be a long drive he will make it.

    A therapist told me once with every relationship there is risk of devastation; she was right at one time but while the first relationship sucks every relationship gets better thereafter. There are no sacrifices when it comes to love. I felt the pain of love and from it I learned to be a better person, friend and lover. If you worry about divorce than maybe you just haven’t met the right man.

  5. Alexi our date this morning was beautiful. A hug and a kiss didn’t lead to sex. Sorry about the unwanted intrusion but at least you got to learn Chinese. I like holding you. Please don’t leave me again. But if you do I will always search for you. But I don’t think God will ever do that again. See you sometime soon…and yes I love you too…and yes I will always go at your pace.

  6. Um is this guy legit about his date with alexi? Awwwkward

  7. i have no clue who this henry weirdo is… but these comments are totally entertaining.

  8. Sorry Alexi maybe I took things too far 😉

  9. everything ends. love = sadness. forget about it.

  10. i feel like i almost went through the same thing. i’m currently 23 and i’ve been in two serious relationships. and i guess you can say they weren’t exactly healthy ones in similar ways. after i broke up with my last boyfriend about two years ago, i started seeing love a different way. i was just completely turned off by it! i too am too a very happy person but i just could not see myself falling in love anytime soon, and at the time if felt like anytime at all. i feel like partly it was from everything i went through relationship-wise and i just started to associate being in a relationship with negative attributes. well i guess it’s been a little over two years of being single and a lot of introspection which i probably just needed, i feel like i can finally let myself be vulnerable to someone if the right person came along. i don’t think you’re wrong for being bitter. whatever you’re feeling now is just a natural reaction that you’re feeling. that feeling that you’re feeling isn’t going to last forever. you’re probably going to be in a different place weeks, months, or maybe a year from now and you’ll feel a different way. love will just happen when you’re in the right place and will just happen naturally. and if you feel like you’re not ready for a relationship with another person right now, one of the best things to do is to work on your relationship with yourself. focus on what you want to do for yourself! because i feel like sometimes one of the hardest relationships (other than relationships with guys), is our own relationships with ourselves.

  11. Ugh…I went to purgatory and back for you…I went to hell and back for you..I went to a concentration camp for you..and I hope I don’t have to go to jail and back for you…not a stalkers just an inside joke

  12. Hello, Greetings and Salutations I have a special place for this entry tonight. I just got out of Sherry’s on Fairfax its Canada night. Yes I am Canadian as well. The sea of love is littered with the wreckages of relationships which started out with the best of intentions, but for a variety of reasons sank to oblivion. In life, you have to be the Captain of your own ship. Ship being life. Yes on this ship you will have your ups and downs on the ocean of life, and in some cases your ship will run adrift and in some cases sink. But many a captain don’t give up, I should know I am a Captain. You just brush yourself off and you don’t let others define you or determine your value. You climb right back up and take command of your life and keep on sailing as long as you have air passing through your lungs. Just say “I AM AMAZING JUST THE WAY I AM”. What doesn’t destroy you makes you a stronger and hardier person. The loss your feeling is just the beginning and is only temporary. Loss will continue as life progresses both natural and tragic. My wife was killed several years ago, three days before the wedding. It ripped a damn large hole in me emotionally, but damn it I rallied got command of my ship and kept sailing. Just keep searching Mr. Right is somewhere over the horizon. Because the world is awash in men.

    With Sentiments of Caring.

    Capt. Dan

  13. Why do you say you’re bitter? “Bitter” isn’t the right word–you’re just being rational. The problem with relationships is that they are essentially a suspension of disbelief. When people say, “I want someone who I can be myself with,” what they really mean is that they want someone who will buy into their aspirational fantasy of themselves–the optimal you that you will never quite achieve because it’s not possible and gives you the very reason for your identity struggle in the first place. After so many relationships, you start to predict common patterns, and ultimately, the fact that the majority will end in failure. Failure, here, shouldn’t be a negatively charged term, just an observation. The fact that you’re even asking this question suggests that part of you isn’t willing to part with this sense of residual vanity, which is totally fine and normal considering you’re 22. I think you should roll with it, not lament it. It’s best to be totally reasonable and practical about relationships because the alternative (romance) is just a myth.

  14. Hello, I feel the same way. Guess I don’t want to deal with the drama, if its meant to be it will happen. I guess I’m just waiting for something worth going through the heartache for.

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