BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 89):

1. whenever you’re in a weird grumpy mood, and people get mad at you for it, you can always just lie/pull the rug out from under them and say “oh sorry, my dad just died.” this is only allowed if you hate your dad and wont be bummed if your dad dies later that day because of karmic retribution. #happyfathersday

2. whenever you see an ugly white guy with a beautiful Asian girlfriend, it means he’s rich and has very little hands.

3. sometimes a trip to the supermarket is the perfect opportunity to try out/test an outfit! and if you’re having a hard time walking in the shoes, at least you can use the shopping cart as a crutch.

4. i hate when people look unsure. but, like, that doesn’t make me sound like an asshole right? you feel the same way too, don’t you?

5. Make eye contact with grumpy looking people and smile at them! help the strangers turn that frown upside down. it feels powerful to melt someone’s bummer face away.

6. probably best not to learn how to dj. otherwise there’s a chance you might end up being a dj.

7. there’s a difference between a dating ‘red flag’ and a dating  ‘tell.’ for example, a dating ‘red flag’ would be if, over dinner, your date said ‘i was molested when i was four years old and ever since then i can only fall asleep to the fantasy of murdering my mom.’ as opposed to a dating ‘tell’, which might sound something along the lines of: ‘i drive a purple pt cruiser with leopard interior.’ both suck, but one is way worse than the other. your job is to decide which is which.

8. ask yourself this: what’s the last thing you did for the first time? and then do something NEW for the first time!

9. how to tell a dude isn’t for you: he refers to his feet as ‘dogs’ and when his feet hurt, he says ‘my dogs are barking.’ if this phrase falls from the mouth of the dude you’re seeing… run towards a dude that doesn’t use that phrase!

10. i’m sorry. I don’t want to talk shit about you. I really don’t: But your wearing sunglasses indoors makes you look like an asshole. Always.

PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

12 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 89):”

  1. #9 exists? That kind of freaks me out.

  2. Whenever you see a nothing-looking white dude with a gorgeous Asian girl, he’s got to be hilarious or something. Hilarious and rich. And persistent.

    On the other hand, whenever I see a hot white dude with a blah Asian girl, I wanna stab myself in the eye.

  3. #5 I do it all day everyday and hardly anyone ever smiles back! I’ve started getting grumpy about all the smiles I’ve given to strangers who just give me an even dirtier look.

  4. Okay and I am guilty of #9. And I’m a girl. And I call them “little dogs” or “pups”.

  5. Dating Tell – he is a bartender
    Dating Red Flag – he tells you there is ALWAYS a three month expiration date.

  6. Dating Tell – he likes all of your outfits.
    Dating Red Flag – there were used condoms in the bathroom at the inexplicably named, Bro-giving

    Dating Tell – he won’t take his hat off in public, has a dog, just comeback from a supposed solo trip to Mexico
    Dating Red Flag – he has a girlfriend

    Dating Tell – he texts you ‘what doing’, regularaly utilizes an alarming range of emoticons.
    Dating Red Flag – he is a 30 yo coke waste case every time you see him between the hours of 17:00 – 10:00

    Dating Tell – he subtly condescends to you in conversation
    Dating Red Flag – he is involved in a shouting match outside the Metropole Community Pub…. On the douchebag side.

  7. HAHA fuck yes number six!!! I got annoyed at my neighbours for being loud at 4am with their fucking decks and they told me I should come up and learn to spin. I responded with ‘I would never do that’. Gross. I mean I can appreciate it but the whole being a DJ thing doesn’t fit in with my life goals!

    This is the best blind leading the blind in a long time. Love you Alexi!

  8. Gotta love racial stereotyping

  9. Holy smokes, I’m in violation of #9. That’s an old expression I remember watching on a Three Stooges video.

  10. when a guy says “but im only buttering you up to sex you” after being all sweet and romantic and lovely is that a dating red flag, dating tell or just being honest?

  11. (1) Your Jewish father must of very mean to you:(.
    (7)3 red flags = 3 strikes abandon ship. Dating tells = perhaps a project.
    (8)I like this one creative 🙂
    (9) 🙂
    (10)Sunglasses indoors = trouble.

  12. And you know what’s especially disappointing is when she’s a 30 yo coke waste case every time you walked into her room and you see a bunch of glinting stripper chach items strewn everywhere there’s just no place to walk you’re so repulsed by this person why?

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