BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 89):
1. whenever you’re in a weird grumpy mood, and people get mad at you for it, you can always just lie/pull the rug out from under them and say “oh sorry, my dad just died.” this is only allowed if you hate your dad and wont be bummed if your dad dies later that day because of karmic retribution. #happyfathersday
2. whenever you see an ugly white guy with a beautiful Asian girlfriend, it means he’s rich and has very little hands.
3. sometimes a trip to the supermarket is the perfect opportunity to try out/test an outfit! and if you’re having a hard time walking in the shoes, at least you can use the shopping cart as a crutch.
4. i hate when people look unsure. but, like, that doesn’t make me sound like an asshole right? you feel the same way too, don’t you?
5. Make eye contact with grumpy looking people and smile at them! help the strangers turn that frown upside down. it feels powerful to melt someone’s bummer face away.
6. probably best not to learn how to dj. otherwise there’s a chance you might end up being a dj.
7. there’s a difference between a dating ‘red flag’ and a dating ’tell.’ for example, a dating ‘red flag’ would be if, over dinner, your date said ‘i was molested when i was four years old and ever since then i can only fall asleep to the fantasy of murdering my mom.’ as opposed to a dating ‘tell’, which might sound something along the lines of: ‘i drive a purple pt cruiser with leopard interior.’ both suck, but one is way worse than the other. your job is to decide which is which.
8. ask yourself this: what’s the last thing you did for the first time? and then do something NEW for the first time!
9. how to tell a dude isn’t for you: he refers to his feet as ‘dogs’ and when his feet hurt, he says ‘my dogs are barking.’ if this phrase falls from the mouth of the dude you’re seeing… run towards a dude that doesn’t use that phrase!
10. i’m sorry. I don’t want to talk shit about you. I really don’t: But your wearing sunglasses indoors makes you look like an asshole. Always.
PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy