BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 97):

1. if your birth name sucks you should change it; first, middle, last, whatever! Don’t let your parents ineptitude bring you down too.

2. if you’re struggling with an intense drug addiction, and don’t know how to conquer it… just have a baby! Why should you have to deal with this all by yourself?

3. date guys who used to be fat and cute, who are now slender and gorgeous! they have no idea how good-looking they are cuz they still see the fat version of themselves in the mirror and are so grateful you love them! isn’t that great?! i know!

4. enough with the floor to ceiling windows at workout studios that allow pedestrians and cars driving by to peek inside/get a look at what’s happening inside! enough! it’s not right! i already don’t wanna work out. now i REALLY don’t wanna work out!

5. One of the most annoying things is when someone LOL’S at a text while sitting in a waiting room filled with people. FUCK YOU!!

6. if you’re a waiter or waitress and a patron your seating runs into a person they know, as HAPPY as the patron seems, do NOT seat them next to the person they know! that will make for a completely awkward and exhausting dining experience for everyone involved! always think two steps ahead! preferably ten. but then you wouldn’t be working at a restaurant.

7. show up to parties in pajama’s and then pretend you were told it was a pajama party: ‘oh my gawd! somebody texted me this was a pajama costume party! i can’t believe this! i was lied to! how embarrassing!’ and then proceed to have the best time ever in comfort city, mingling in your silk jammy jam set! suckersssss!

8. girls: NEVER say ‘i love you’ first! that is a man’s job! sometimes it’s all he’s got!

9. just because he uses all caps in his text to you doesn’t mean he’s making an effort and REALLY likes you! don’t be fooled like i was! apparently, all you have to do is double-click the uppercase arrow on the iPhone and you can write in all caps! it’s meaningless! meaningless!

10. ever notice how the guys you totally DON’T like and brush off almost ALWAYS fall in love with you? try this as a dating experiment and let me know how it goes: treat the guys you like the way you treat guys you don’t like. for example: don’t be so available, take longer to return texts, don’t be so accommodating, etc.

 


15 Responses to “the blind leading the blind (part 97):”

  1. I’m totally guilty of #10, and it usually works. Lolz. BOOHOO


  2. #3 is my life right now. Kind of reassured. Guess I don’t need to be so much #10.


  3. I TOTALLY tell my friends number ten ALL THE TIME!

    P.s. it totally works.


  4. #10 is a sure thing. Wish you would’ve posted this a few months prior to me acting the way girls act when they like a guy with a guy that I like! Do you think its too late to act like you dont like the guy when he already knows you like him?


  5. I always do #10 and it never work out :/, maybe i’m doing it wrong. Maybe it’s just me?!


  6. TOTALLY agree with this one –

    4. enough with the floor to ceiling windows at workout studios that allow pedestrians and cars driving by to peek inside/get a look at what’s happening inside! enough! it’s not right! i already don’t wanna work out. now i REALLY don’t wanna work out!

    Why do gyms do that?!? It definitely makes me now want to go.


  7. DAMN THIS BLTB IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE!


  8. Ew. #2 is not Ok. I know that you think you are being funny but it’s not. That’s a really horrible thing to joke around about. Kind of like all of your rape jokes. No thank you. I won’t be coming back and I will tell all of my friends to do the same. You’re a garbage person.


  9. Sorry for the downer in advance, but number two, even with sarcasm in completley out of line and I was shocked you would suggest it even as a joke.

    Everyone misses once in a while


  10. I JUST RE-READ #2 AND IT’S A JOKE ON BEING ALONE. EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO THAT!

    AND A SIDE NOTE TO KNEE-JERK HATERS WHO READ THIS BLOG: I FEEL LIKE ALEXI’S HUMOR IS AIMED AT MAKING LIGHT OF THE inadequacies OF MEN AND THE PANGS OF BEING A YOUNG WOMAN.

    RACE IS A SERIOUS ISSUE.

    FORCED SEX IS A SERIOUS ISSUE.

    DRUG ADDICTION IS A SERIOUS ISSUE.

    THE WRITER OF THIS BLOG IS NOT AN ALIEN. SHE OBVIOUSLY GETS IT. THE ABOVE LISTED SERIOUS ISSUES ARE PREVALENT IN OUR SOCIETY AND THUS FRAME THE HUMOR, HOWEVER ARE NOT WHAT’S BEING MADE FUN OF HERE.

    That’s just how I feel. Do you know what I’m saying?


  11. Being alone wouldn’t be so hard if people had more self respect and maturity, weren’t so desperate for the approval of others and had better priorities.The sad thing about #2 is not only that people do that or even think about it, but that the author of this list has shown on numerous occasions that’s exactly the type of person that she is. Which is fine, whatever. Who cares? She is a young girl and she is hopefully learning from her mistakes. My problem is that she is writing these lists as if they are providing some kind of insight, as if she is the authority on what’s cool. This whole blog is about sharing her pathetic personal stories, giving advice and pretending to be some kind of role model to young women. I was horrified to see that not so long ago she was asked to speak at a high school to teenage girls. I would have pulled my daughter out of there so fast. This girl represents the antithesis of feminism and is seriously an embarrassment to her generation. Why not write about better things, important things? Get a real job. If you want to be a writer then make art and stop acting like a 15 year old.


  12. obviously its sarcastic. and also hilarious. because if you did #2, you are a douchebag!


  13. “preferably ten. but then you wouldn’t be working at a restaurant.”

    Niiiice, taking shots at people you believe to be lower than you because they weren’t born into a privileged Hollywood white girl life. You should take your head out of your ass, gain some perspective and realize that everyone’s dealing with their own shit. Hey, maybe then you would be able to find true love.


  14. #6….maybe the person is working at a restaurant because he/she is paying their way through university. Also, usually waiters don’t seat people, a host or maitre d’ does.

    love – working hard and going to school.


  15. #6 always think two steps ahead! preferably ten. but then you wouldn’t be working at a restaurant.

    ALEXI, I used to fucking love you. This is a low blow…
    You do realize that some people are not born with college funds and cannot get financial aid because the government thinks their parents make too much? If you think waitressing to pay for my college fee means I do not think head, you know nothing.

    I hope your waitress/bartender serves you a loogie next time you’re out bitch.


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