BLOG » waiting vs NOT waiting to have sex:
I’ve never been the type of girl whose thought there’s a specific time or rule as to when to have sex with a guy. Every time I’ve had sex with a guy it’s been because I wanted to and it’s never really affected me badly.
I do however believe that if you 100% know you do NOT want to pursue a relationship with a guy, and want him STRICTLY for sex and sex alone… it’s totally ok to sex him on the first date/whenever you want! In this case, there’s no such thing as too soon. Just use a condom and make sure you see him naked in light so you can asses if he’s having some sort of herpes or other sexually transmitted disease/infection breakout. Women use men for sex too you know!
But, as girls we do have to realize that casual sex can be like a game of russian roulette for us:
We take a chance of accidentally forming feelings we thought were impossible for us to form. no matter how logical we went into this no strings attached self imposed agreement with ourself. this can happen when we sex cuz of annoying/amazing chemicals like oxtocin and dopamine that couse through our veins and surge through our brain when we are sexing and spending time with someone. Phermones are powerful.
We take a chance that the guy might not like us anymore. he may have gotten or not gotten what he wanted and might never call us again.
For the most part, I really don’t think there are any rules because I’ve had sex with guys on a first date and we’ve fallen in love and gone on to have long beautiful relationships .and i’ve waited months before sexxing and had just as long and beautiful a relationship. if its meant to be its meant to be. But be a smart woman about it. be in control of your actions. and give yourself the best chance possible.
First off, pick and choose what your goal is with the guy. Decide if he is WORTHY of YOU before you give all your power over to him and decide you’re just grateful he’s considering sticking his penis in your vagina!
Do you even like the guy?
Would you be embarrassed to be seen in public with him?
Do you think he’s funny or interesting?
Does he treat you well?
Do you respect him?
Do you want to fall in love and extend the magic and honeymoon period and the mystery for as long as possible? Then i advise waiting.
Is the dude totally stupid but the most gorgeous guy ever and for some weird reason he wants to take you home? DO IT! DO NOT PASS GO! TRY NOT TO GET AIDS AND LET THE ABERCROMBIE MODEL FIREMAN OR WHOEVER HE IS FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
Are you just trying to scratch your drunken vaginal itch with some bonehead at the club that evening while you pine for the dude you’re really in love with who’s ignoring your texts and is probs woo’ing or fucking some other trollop? Then sex the bonehead and don’t look back. Actually, I’d suggest just taking a cab home, masturbating, and making an appointment with a good therapist first thing in the morning. But that’s just ME!
Do you have extreme daddy issues and just feel the need to sexualize every situation you’re in with every guy and think you’re just a sexually liberated/evolved woman who says ‘i just like sex! no big deal!’ but really it’s an unconscious need to feed your ego and get validation the only way you know how? Again, don’t do it then! Masturbate and call that therapist!
And if you DO like the dude and could see yourself being cozy with him for longer than one night, then don’t jump the gun!
The thing about waiting that’s cool is that the pay off is so much better for both parties involved!
Whether you wait three dates, a month, two months, or THREE months (if that’s even possible anymore) it makes it all better!
It means you’re being respectful of yourself. You’re not just letting any/every dirty dick inside your precious vadge hole. Yes, even YOU are precious!
It means less of a chance of getting an STD you’re lucky to not ALREADY have contracted.
It means your reputation (even if you say ‘i don’t give a fuck about what people think of me!’) will improve because as sexy or flirty as you might be, and whatever people might think of you/whatever you’ve done in the past… at least the dude who wants to fuck you will think ‘wow, she’s not as easy as i thought. if she’s not so quick to give me a blow job and sex, it means she probs doesn’t do that with other guys either! i can trust this girl. i could introduce her to my momz one day. i respect her more. and i like the chase cuz i’m a man and ultimately we’re still just animals and sometimes things are that simple.’
It means you two will bond and get to know each other as people and maybe even become friends, and laugh and do cool stuff together, other than fuck! isn’t that the goal? to be best friends and laugh with someone you’re attracted to? that’s my love goal. i mean, i want him to have a big private and a healthy bank account too, but you know what i’m saying.
It means you’re building something called anticipation! You can’t ever get that back if you give your puss away too soon! It’s a magical feeling: Like that feeling between Winnie Cooper and Kevin Arnold from the Wonder Years! Did they even ever have sex?! Who knows?! Who cares?! You get my point! Remember romance? Aiden waited to sexxx Carrie for this very reason! Everything moves soooo fast nowadays, sometimes we have to consciously slow down or we won’t enjoy how good something can feel. It’s like not chewing a hundred dollar filet mignon and just shoving it in your mouth and swallowing! Why would you want to do that when you could smell it and chew it and savor it?! This analogy is grossing me out and not the best representation of what i stand for, but again, i think you get my point.
And I’m not saying don’t mutually masturbate, or dry hump (which is what i call 7th grade sex), or let your boobies be suckled, or be fingered in a car at midnight, or work your way up to giving him a blow jobs and letting him lick your puss! No! NOT AT ALL! I’m just saying hold back on the straight up fucking/penetration! I mean god forbid you hang out for three months with some dude and THEN find out he has a tiny nubbin dick! No no no! That is not what I’m encouraging at all! DEFINITELY do a pants graze and find out what you’re dealing with down there! I mean JESUS CHRIST, don’t be irresponsible with your time!
The point is: i don’t care what you do or when you do it, you’re a grown up (i hope, i think). I just think it’s important for you to know why you make the choices you make, and to be aware of what your end goal is.
If you want to be taken seriously, by someone you’re entering a relationship with; or more importantly, taken seriously by yourself: then treat yourself like you’re your own child! Would you let the six yourself version of yourself be fucked by some stranger at the bar? I hope not!
Waiting to sexxx is encouraged because it’s giving you and a relationship your trying to nurture/foster the best chance!
And try not to sex some dude you don’t really like while you pine for the dude you ARE taking your time with. I used to do that. It makes the main relationship less precious, is a form of sabotage, complicates stuff and it’s being irresponsible/wreckless with someones feelings: both dude’s actually, and yours! How would you like it if some guy did that to you? Acted like you were his main focus but was dating & fucking other girls? I’m sure you already know cuz that has probs happened to you a million times if you aren’t very fascinating, attractive, fit, interesting, dynamic, or just live in a big city/small town with men in it.
I try to live by the golden rule: treat people the way you want to be treated. I break it all the time, but i’m trying. It’s a daily practice.
But back to sex: overall, if it’s meant to be and the guy really likes you (unfortunately i feel that for the most part, the ball is thrown into the guys court after you give yourself to him sexually) love and a relationship will follow no matter what unconscious, drunken choice you two made at 3am.
Good luck! It’s the blind leading the blind over here!