the obligatory female spiral:

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journal entry. late at night. once upon a time: 

why is it that even in a situation where you know you don’t even like or see a future with or care about a guy (even though he IS kinda cute), after you have sex with him, inevitably it’s the girl who feels like she was used somehow? or as if she now, out of cultural obligation, has to feel bad about giving her puss away to a guy too quickly?

i recently had sex on a first date.

here’s why i feel bad: i know that I’m too special and precious and smart to let some guy just put his dick in me, even though we barely know each other, cuz that’s what he wants. i don’t want to give myself away so easily. at least, I’d prefer not too. but i did it anyway. i gave in. i caved. i was easy. i wasn’t even dying for sex! (i can’t stand the word ‘horny’) So there wasn’t even the payoff of feeling relieved and gratified afterwords/sexually satiated. (wait, does that mean it was BAD sex too? if it were good, would it have felt gratifying in another way? god dammit! this is such a multi layered bummer!)

here’s why i don‘t feel bad: i don’t like the dude, but sex feels good and I had nothing to lose cuz i don’t wanna date him anyways… although i HAVE had experiences where I’ve had first date sex and we went on to date seriously.

Q: why did i do it though if i could have just as easily been watching tv and eating pretzels?

A: I’d had a few drinks, I let him come up to my place, we got naked and I felt obligated. I should have just kissed him in the car and at the bar and left it at that. I didn’t take care of myself/check in with myself to see where I wanted the night to go. Instead, I went on auto pilot. (alcohol & boredom). And by the time we were rolling around naked and kissing in my bedroom: I came from him going down on me, and wanted him to cum and now that I’ve had sex enough in my lifetime, i decided it was just easier to let him get off while fucking me. i didn’t even see the point of giving him a blow job to end the experience, or mutually masturbate. we’d both already gone down on each other… so now the finishing may as well be something we can both enjoy. i mean, oral sex is still sex, unprotected, and involves fluids! ahhhh! in reality, an unprotected blowjob is way more intimate and seems much more dangerous than protected sex. (but i’m talking about sex where the dude’s wearing a condom and pulls out before he cums inside me. how dare you?!)

the aftermath that left me sad was this: what i lacked in the end wasn’t my self-respect. no. it was the lack of meeting a guy whose shoulder i wanted to put my head on. it was the lack of having the arms of someone i wanted to be held by. it was the lack of my interest in his life, the humor in his jokes. he was fine, but i felt dead inside and way too self-aware about it all. i’m a romantic. but other times i’m cold. maybe that just means i’m with the wrong person. oh shit, duh. i want a guy to be in love with me, but i’m jut as unavailable as the men whose love i crave but who don’t love me. but i get upset when i don’t get to reject someone first- i get upset when i  give myself over to them and with that, potentially my power. well, hopefully some lesson was learned here. probably not though. on to the next. i’ll try to cope using advice from my various friends & ex boyfriends i texted while taking a bath after the guy i sexxed left and i’d locked the door behind him:

various texts from friends and ex’s talking me off the ledge: 

1. don’t feel bad! you’re a baller vixen. you can be in as much control as you want to be. it’s not about your vagina, it’s about your brain. (from an ex)

2. don’t be hard on yourself. you thrive off experience and impulse. think of it this way: your brain is spinning more now after having unfulfilling sex than it probably would be from having not put out. i give my dick to plenty of unworthy people, but i only give my heart, eyes, and brain to people who matter. so chillax you wonderful soul, that guy will wish you’d fuck him again and you won’t. you win. and part of what makes you great are these weird reflections that this bullshit causes you to have. you’re one of the few women i’ve ever encountered who even if you fucked someone you met 25 min prior- you come off as the winner. it’s an admirable and enviable freedom you exhibit. and you think about and are in tune to how that affects you. (from an ex)

3. don’t worry about it. gay men have sex on the first date to make sure the chemistry’s good! you’re like a gay man! and gay guys are the best! (from a girlfriend)

4. As my mom says ‘bonobo monkeys know best- and sex is the most therapeutic thing you can do for your body.’ So REALLY it was just a therapy session last night. : ) (from a girlfriend)

5. Totally. I got you. I totally understand. I’ve def been in the same position. But it’s all meant to be. Maybe you needed to do it for some reason. To get your head back into work or whatever reason… (from a girlfriend)

6. do you want to come over? (from an ex)

7. do you want me to come over? (from a guy i thought was my friend, but who i now know wants to sexxx me)

oh wait. reading this back, i just answered my own question. the answer was in the question:

“why is it that even in a situation where you know you don’t even like or see a future with or care about a guy (even though he IS kinda cute), after you have sex with him, inevitably it’s the girl who feels like she was used somehow? or as if she now, out of cultural obligation, has to feel bad about giving her puss away to a guy too quickly?”

From now on, i will listen to my therapist and learn from the point he made when he said  ‘would you have had sex with him if you hadn’t been drinking alcohal?’ and my answer was ‘no’.

Update: by the next afternoon i was fine. and yeah, he called. he asked me out again. i didn’t go out with him though. i chose not to. and i did learn a lesson from this: no sex or even dating unless i’m REALLY excited about someone. cuz even then you take the chance of spiralling & heartbreak. but at least THEN it’s for someone you felt was worth it.

 

HERE’S SOME MUSIC FOR YOU TO SPIRAL TO! YOU’RE NEVER ALONE; BUT THIS MUSIC CAN HOLD YOUR HAND WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOBODY ELSE WILL)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” Call in! xx

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Tonight/Wednesday January 23, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

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Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

the blind leading the blind (part 103):

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1. you know you don’t love him, or even like him very much, if before having sex you think: ‘ugh, but i JUST washed my sheets!’

2. while kissing a guy, if he happens to taste like heroin or  gets a flake of speed in your mouth… it’s time to move on.

3. nothing good ever happens at 7-11. stay away from that place!

4. one of the most brutal things to drive past in los angeles is someone getting their headshots taken outdoors. that’s what INDOORS is for.

5. you know you’re boycrazy when you find a pair of boxer shorts in your bedroom and you’re not exactly sure who they might belong to.

6. you know a guy’s a bonehead/loser/prick when you’re going to visit him in NY and he says ‘can you not come during fashion week? maybe the week after?’

7. only date guys who have never been married, with no kids, brothers, sisters, dogs, cats, pets in general, who are not close with their mom OR dad. this will keep you from having to compete with potentially annoying/powerful influences in their life. hopefully these lack of ties don’t mean he’s a serial killer, workaholic, or drug addict. but isn’t his not having a dog and or an overbaring parent/sibling/child/ex worth taking that chance? i thought so!

8. if you don’t have the time or money to go on a trip,  just go to a new part of the city you live in that you’ve never been to! i live in LA and am contemplating visiting Santa Monica and/or Reseda! exhilarating!

9. Girls: Just because you had sex with a guy doesn’t mean you have to crumble and spiral and give all your power away to him. It’s ok to still be happy, confident, strong, and to remember who you are/keep your self-worth afterwards. and if that’s hard for you or not possible, then don’t have sex with a dude; at least not until you feel really comfortable with him and secure with your decision to sexxx him. cuz even THEN you take the chance of him never calling you again or him losing interest. it’s scary out there and nothing’s guaranteed… so you have to check in with yourself and take care of you.

10. i know they feel cozy and safe, but getting back together/having sex with an ex is a recipe for disaster and what i refer to as ‘moving backwards’. trust your intuition/initial decision. it didn’t work out for a reason!

TED TALKS: CAMERON RUSSELL “LOOKS AREN’T EVERYTHING. BELIEVE ME, I’M A MODEL.”

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” Call in! xx

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Tonight/Wednesday January 16, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

 

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

Want Me To Speak At YOUR High School Or College?

EMAIL ME AT boycrazyalexi@gmail.com SUBJECT: SPEAK

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” Call in! xx


Tonight/Wednesday January 9, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

Hanna Rosin talks sex: (article via The Telegraph)

Hanna Rosin talks candidly to Dr Brooke Magnanti about why having relationships pose more of a threat to women than men, and sex, her favourite bit of her new book: The End of Men.

Hanna Rosin talks about women avoiding relationships when they are younger so they can stay in control of their careers, in her book ‘The End of Men and The Rise of Women’.

By Dr Brooke Magnanti, formerly known as the Belle de Jour

I first meet Hanna Rosin just before she takes the stage at Chicago Ideas Week. It’s an intimate theatre, the audience polite and attentive as this small, neatly dressed woman takes the stage. She stands right at the front and delivers a devastating account of what has happened to traditional masculinity in recent decades, and especially, since the recessions of the last few years.

It’s an emotive topic. “I don’t think the changes I describe are ‘good’ or ‘bad’,” Rosin explains, pre-empting the critics. “They are new and confusing though.” Yet the audience is accepting of the message, even friendly. When she gets to the video of her young daughter holding forth on ‘Why Girls Rock’, they are leaning forward in their seats, nodding and laughing. By the time she tells us about the sorority girl who declared “men are the new ball and chain,” the audience is eating out of her hand. As much as her new book The End of Men has attracted criticism, there is something in this we all recognise instinctively: manhood is not what it used to be. And no one knows entirely where it’s going.

Read the rest of this post >>>

ALEXI’S GUIDE TO LIFE (originally written for LADYGUNN MAGAZINE)

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(via Ladygunn mag)


Start referring to everything you do as a meeting. Lunch with a friend: meeting. Starbucks with mom: meeting. Asking the produce guy at the market about apples: meeting. It only makes you sound super cool/important!

•Always carry breath spray and sweet spot wipes. Just in case anyone wants to kiss you or go down on you.

•For ALL dudes and SOME gross girls: don’t pick your nose! Especially in your car. The definition of ‘automobile’ is not: machine that makes you invisible. People can see you.

•If he doesn’t go down on you; he doesn’t get inside of you.

•If you hate his sheets, and you happen to have your period, just bleed on them. This may sound embarrassing, but it’s a small price to pay for getting what you want.

•Don’t eat carbs.

•Everything has carbs.

•If he only texts back to your phone calls, move on. You’re better than that.

•You are a woman. You have the power to cast spells over men with your words, your silence, gestures, eyes, and actions. This power can be super fun/entertaining, and will most likely result in an epic make out and/or someone falling in love with you. I can’t stress how much power you have enough. Use it wisely.

•Always dress cool! That way, no matter what comes up, you’re ready to go! That includes cute, matching bra and undies too! The phrase ‘day into night’ should always be running subconciously through the back of your mind while getting ready in the morning.

•Try not to spend EVERY night at his house! I know you’re all excited and in love or whatever, but don’t forget you have your own life to maintain! Plus, this will make him respect and desire you even more! #mysterious=sexy.

•You’re not allowed to buy art at Ikea! Ikea doesn’t sell art anyway! They sell mass produced posters. Remember: every choice you make is a reflection of you. Be careful!

•Always sleep with your bra on! I’ve spoken to a lot of women over 50 with great boobs, who haven’t had plastic surgery and they all say it’s because they wear a bra to bed!

•Get rid of all the negative people in your life. Toss em! They’re energy drainers, and there’s no time for them.

•Try not to be one of these energy drainers. Otherwise, you might get tossed!

•I don’t mean to state the obvious but: tote bags SCREAM ‘youth’! So hurry up and buy one today!

•Going to a day spa, which involves soaking in a community pool, when you’re having your period is so unsanitary and selfish.

•Never have unprotected sex! Doesn’t it seem like behind closed doors everyone’s using the pull out method, but they all just lie about it? I know! Cut it out.

•No matter what he says: cum &/or his pee is not good for clearing up your acne!

•Important people drink diet coke. But drinking diet coke won’t make you important.

•Dogs ALWAYS know when you’re having your period. No place is safe anymore. If you’re going on a first date, or to a totally chic party and a dog’s gonna be there and you’re bleeding: you might as well NOT go. Unless social suicide is the new black. Then go right ahead.

•Make a life list of what you want for yourself: What you want to do professionally, where you want to travel, things you really and truly want to accomplish, etc. and put them up on your wall. I can’t tell you how important it is to see what your life goals are every morning when you wake up, right there in front of you. But put that shit away if anyone cool comes over! Yikes! #bonerkiller

•Wear mascara! what the fuck is your problem? it will only make your life better.

•If you find yourself miserable in a relationship, never be afraid to leave. You’ll be fine.

•If you ask your date for a coca cola and he comes back from the bar and hands you a diet coke- it means he thinks you’re fat.

•When he/she calls, let it ring at least twice. Desperate NEVER = sexy.

•When you begin a relationship, you aren’t allowed to gain any weight! Sorry. you’ve set the standard! You are now ONLY allowed to improve. ie: lose weight, develop better style, improve skin condition, get a cooler haircut/color, increase size of bank account, etc. Otherwise your significant other TOTALLY has the right to break up with you… via text.

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” Call in! xx

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Tonight/Wednesday January 2, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

 

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio


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