BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 123):
1. always be refreshing… be it your Instagram likes, your twitter, your facebook, or your vagina.
2. single girls who are too lazy to put pants on and leave the house: Lifetime is where it’s at! one unfamiliar, poorly acted, ridiculous Christmas movie after the next!
3. people who have unprotected sex are either: very in love, super lazy, really stupid, or all of the above.
4. girls: just accept the fact that guys don’t like going to the doctor. This doesn’t mean that their not going to the doctor is okay, it just means that you shouldn’t feel alone in the fact that you are utterly annoyed and feel disrespected by your boyfriend or the guy you’re dating’s laziness/not getting tested for std’s or even just checking out the weird growths, moles, and/or rashes on his body. men are simple and lazy. even the extraordinary, successful ones. when it comes to going to the doctor, they are lazy jerks with a bizarre mental block up. we women are so much more on top of the details of life- in making sure things are safe and sound. so, know this and don’t get angry. instead, just schedule him an appt, withhold sex, and be ok bossing him around and forcefully cajoling him into doing what is right- as if you were his mom. unfortunately, after discussing this with numerous girls, i’ve learned that this is totally normal. yes, it’s annoying and exhausting, but completely normal and not unheard of. know for sure that many other girls are experiencing your same frustration and found they just had to be tough and make tests and doc appointments happen. you are not alone. just get it done.
5. one time something happened. hopefully it was or wasn’t to you.
6. not doing drugs is the new doing drugs. addiction is embarrassing and for weak losers.
7. girls, wear a fucking bra! i don’t care if you’re an A cup! do it! if only to protect yourself from having bizarro misshapen egg boobs down the road. besides, lingerie is awesome! it’s s one more layer to peel off before sex, is super pretty, AND makes you feel sexy!
8. when watching real housewives of beverly hills, vanderpump rules, real housewives of atlanta, shahs of sunset, total divas, courtney loves dallas, or whatever other shit reality programs you’re addicted to… think about how many hours of valuable time you’re wasting. you could be making something, working, meeting actual people, writing, daydreaming, planing your future, going on a date, singing, drawing, having an adventure, bettering your life, or at least drinking and masturbating.
9. the level of loser you are can be determined by your excitement when getting a direct message on twitter. I’m a level 10. : (
10. oh god! please let this work:
(THIS IS WHAT I ACTUALLY NEED AND TRULY DESIRE FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!)