BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 125):
1. Don’t be apologetic about driving a Prius, be apologetic about driving any other car!
2. If someone asks you if you cut your own bangs, punch them in the face.
3. Violence is never the answer! What were you thinking? Use your brain and your words, NOT your fists!
4. Dear masseuse, shhhhh, I’m not paying you to talk. YOU’RE RUINING MY ENTIRE EXPERIENCE!!!
5. Silently acknowledge that anyone in your presence who uses the word ‘dope’ (i was shocked to discover people still do, but they fucking DO!) has got to go… including you, if it’s you.
6. If you (i) just stopped watching all the horrible shows you (i) waste a huge amount of time/chunk of my life watching… you (i) could get some really amazing things accomplished.
7. I don’t care what your friend says, i don’t think you should take adderal and then get into a hot bath!
8. Being a girl alone at home depot gives me exactly the same feeling as when I’m alone at guitar center… out of place, slightly uncomfortable, and judged by men… but once you get past that, it’s PURE HEAVEN!
9. Framing something as a ‘dream’ is the perfect way of bringing up uncomfortable topics with your boyfriend. For example: “I had the craziest dream you cheated on me. Isn’t that, um, weird?” or “I had the worst dream ever! You were texting with your ex and being all like ‘I miss you’. Do you, like, do that?”
10. Going out when you’re not feeling your best is WAY worse than staying in and missing the party! As long as no one can see you, you could be having the best time in the world and nobody knows that you’re actually home alone with a facial mask on, watching bravo, binge eating and feeling like shit.